Whitby Free Prosa, Wednesday, June 19, 1996 ,Page 7 .. . ....*.* .***~.*..... ...................*.*.*. . .. ..* .. .... . .. r ~ ~ 7 W Frontder justice The scene: the bar at Mike's Nineteenth Green, flue floors below stroet level at Queen'"s Park. Oniy Conseruative MPPs are allowed on this floor, and theyre ail here. Or else. Enter Mike Hanris, dressed in traditional western cowboy gear: 10-gallon hat; cowboy boots with spurs; garish, wide, steer-horn buckle beit; twin forty-fours, or forty-nines# or something, at his hips. He looks like a tourist doing a John Wayne imitation. MIE HARRIS: (In John Wayne voioe): Howdy, everybody. rm Mike Harris. MPs: (In unison): Hi, Mike. MIXE: Tonight I'm gonna show you ail a bit about the oid west, about the gunfight at thé 0K Corral. About Qwick Draw, and how A Man's Gotta Do What a Man's Gotta Do. MPs: We're wîth you, Mike! Enter Ernie Eues, in western riding chaps, ingling spurs. ERNIE EVES: rm the rootin', tootin'est son-of-a-gun you ever saw, and I'm here te get the job done and make Mike look good. MPs: Itfs working so.far, Ernie. ERNIE: And te heip make Mike iook good, we've had the bar here at the Nineteenth Green done over iike this western corral, see. And Mike's gonna show you how te gun fight Okay? MIKE: That's right, pardner. Wanta see my quick draw? Wanta see it again? Har, har, bar! But seriousiy, folks, what we're gonna do, is, we're gonna bring out aIl the obsteiricians i the province, the whoie shootin'match, and we're gonna go mano et mano. ERNIE EVES: And then, one of them draws on Mike, bang! they're dead. 'cause Mike's a fast draw and a deadily shot. MIKE: And Ernie here wiii back me up, shoot from the shadows, whatever te win. So. Send 'em out. Ail the obstetricians in Ontario shuffle onto t/us makeshift, stage. Theirfaces, oevered with surgical masks, turn to face Mike Harris. MIKE: So this is it, guys. I notice that most of you are guys. I'd hate te have te stare down a woman. Tain't maniy. Okay, now here's how it goes. What you're reaiiy doin' is staring down Jim- Wilson, the Heaith Min ister. Because he's the one who cut the subsidy te pay for your maipractice insurance. ERNIE: But reaiiy, reaiiy, you're going eyebaii te eyebaii with Mike Harris, because reaily if's Mike that catis the shots.. MMX: Unless, of course, we were te lose. Then it'd be Jim Wilson's fault. Ha, ha. ERNIE: So, doctors, Mike's starin' you down. First to blink loses. Cet it? Docters blink, pufi. You lose that subsidy, nineteen thousand dollars each. Shouid Mike biink, then puff! We get a new Heaith Minister by mid-Juiy. MIXE: So get ready te draw. One, two, th... ERNIE EVES: What's this? Who are thèse other people shufling out on stage here? This is a ciosed set, how'd they get past security? MIKE: Ernie, that's a lot of pregnant women commn' this way. That must be every pregnant woman i the whoie pregnant province. Every one. ERNIE: Draw, Mike. Cet 'em now. Mow 'em down. A man's gotta do what a man's ... don't biink now, Mike. Please, not now. MIKE: (In tears) I can't do it! I can't shoot a -province fult I JOHN HAM PERRY'S CASThE, C. 1905 The younger son ofWhitby's founder Peter Perry buiit this Italianate style mansion in 1857 on the site of the former swimming pool in Kinsmen Park. He had to, give up his castie in 1877 and it stood abandoned until it was demolishpd during the Firet World War. Perry calied his home "Dinsbaughp" an oid family name. (in last week's edition, there was an incorrect captioâ with the photo of Trafalgar Castie School.) Whltby Archives photo te 10 YEARS AGO fromnth Wednesday, June 18, 1986 ecition of the' WHMTY FREE PRESS " The Town of Whitby wiii take over the ownership of the historie Lynde House from the Whitby Historical Society and move it te Cuilen Gardens. " Downtown Whitbyhbas been ehosen te take part in Heritage Canada's Main Street program. *Construction of the Rolling Huis9 subdivision begins on June 23. " Whitby Public Library is oelebrating its 75th anniversary. It was a private Mechanice' Institute before 1911. 35 YEARS AGO from the Thursday, June 15, 1961 edition of the WHr.iTY WEEKLY NEWS " Obidren at Dundas Street Public Sehool got a scare when lightning struck a chimney at 4 p.m. on June 13. " The town works department wfll renovate Centennial Park. " Mr. and Mrs. Alfred Luke of Mary Street celebrated their 5Oh wedding anniversary. " Mme gala openng ofMax Oldforis BP service station at 616 Brock Street North will be on June 16 te 18. 100 YEARS AGO from the Friday, June 19, 1896 edition of the WHITY CRONICLE " A new bridge is te be bufit over the miii racein Brooklin. " Anew town in Algomianorhiern Ontario, bas been named "Dryden" in honour Of the Hon. John Dryden of Brooklin, Ontarios Minister of Agriculture. " Gangs of city toughis on bicycles invade smail towns like Whitby "and disturb people by- howling and staxnpeding ail night." " Attendance at the annual decoration day at Groveside Cemetery was down' this year because there was no brasa band te, suppiy music.,,