Whiby Free Press, Wednesday,ý Novomber Ë5. 1992, Page 7 PAGE SEVEN by Bil Swa I ant iper's job Bob Rae, Premier of Ontario, Queen's Park, Toronto, Ontarjo 1M4 NDP Dear Mr. Rae:- Please accept tlus -letter as my fficiai application for the job as head of communications for the Prernier's office. Looking through ail the daiiy newspapers and listening to newscasts lately I couldn't find the actuai titie. You havent y et advertised i the Want Ada section of the Whitby Free Press. Anyway, it's John Piper's old job. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ That Pîper's titie was not -clearly positioned in al atonies points out: you. need someone, now. Especially to handie things with the media. Pesky gais and guys, these media types. First thing you're gonna wanta krnow is, What qualifications do I have for the job? WelI, flrst off, rmn not stupid. Not that Fim calling John Piper stupid. What I think Fim saying is, I was raised in a, different closet from what he wuz raised in, so I wouldn't make the sam e mistake he made, no sir. rd make différent <mistakea altogether. You would be right i wanting to know what freah ideas 1 could bring td'the job. And that is what I, would' do. Bring fresh ideas. Not fresh, like Peter North has been known to be fresh, either. LUt me give you *a fur instance. Suppose some woman came along and said one of your cabinet ininisters helped her escape. from reform achool nineteen years ago, and then had sex with her. You surely wouid want your communications guru ta not only handie the crisis but put positive spin on it. Wouldn't you? - Okay, so would I. Then there was that Peter North thing. Look, let's face it, you have a cabinet niinister,.good-looking like that, resig from cabinet over a non-sex scanda Now Tories, thosé you expect ta have sex scandais, BRUNTON LUMBER YARD AT PORT WHITBY, 1947 and high blood pressure, and money, and misuse of This lumber yard was established in 1941i est of the oil tanks which once stood at Wýhitby power; ail that cornes with the territory. Harbour. The Brunton Lumber Yard was destroyed by fire on the night of February 8, 1951, But people expect the NDP to be squeaky dlean. the cause being determined as aron. Well, why not push the fact that. you have been? WhItby Archivoe photo Tories can have sex scandais, and cabinet minister resign over sex scandais. Only an NDP minister would resign over a Non-Sex Scandai. I mean, who else but an NDPer would s 1 YABSAG of the ads and -abouit teacheérs' salarie-s.--Theéir-mi-nda, will be right off the destreaming. Tony can sleep nights 110OYEARS AGO and stay calrn. *o h hrdaNvme 3 1882 edition of the So thaes about it, Bob. If you would like an Wfflfhel3usd y, CHmbrON2CL interview, drop me a lina, care of the Whitby Free* Commander Cheyne, the renowned Arctic explorer, will lecture a h htyMscHl Press. im sure I could do your government a lot of on November 29. good. At least I couldn~t do it much harm.* Charles Nourse has succeedad R.H. Lawder as Whitby's postmnaster. eJane Minerva Perry, wife of Robert E. Perry, eldest son of Whitby's foundar Peter Perry, Yours trulys died at Bracebridge on November 15. Bill l homas McCann has opened a grocery store on Brock Street South. il 1