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WH]TBY PUEE PRESS, WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 16, 1991, PAGE 7 PAG 'SEVEN Jays sentenced to skating dro0ll0 Court attendant: Oy yea, cy yea, oy yea. court for the *eonofumrm province of Ontario la now in session, e rman H. Hemorrhoid presiding. Be seltd What case are we teg Crown attorney: Reginaversus TooBlne JIii Yol Honour. Judge: Regina against Toronto? I didn't know Regina even had a team. Crown: Noý mlord. Thatsa Regina as in, The People, you /1 know, law echool and law reports and all that. The Crown. That's Us. Jude: Oh, Why did't you si sol.Wht isthe charge? I hope irsaflot some cheap shot like impersonating a bail team oràanythi. d throw that ont of court in a minute. Crown: Read the charge. Attendant: Toronto Bine Jayn you are charged that on or about the basebal season cf 1991, yon did, wilfuly and wantonly, and with malice aforethought, before more than ' four million fans, conspie te unwin the American Lieague pennant. How do you pleadà? Bine Jays: (In chorus> Not guilty. Jdge:Yo realize, young feliers, that if you are found____ guilty yon il be taken frcon. this court and immediately, ~wih no oter prprton, spend four years ding what in* ) other. countrieswod be known as cruel and unusilal punishment. Jde la rgtIlwil ha sentenced to four yearsI playing hockey for the Toronto Make Beliefs. Io the defence ready? Crown: They couldn't b. any worse than the Make Beliefs. (Aside:> Outshot 4416 By Vancouver! Wihatta laugh!) Defence attorney:YoI r honour, we move that thie charge ,*-- * bewithdrawn. The Crown has no evidence. The Jaya cannot Y be held accountable for resulta of playoff"sere. Crown: We tend te show a cnprc that reaches inte o the highest office <f the land: the. umipires were trained by the CIA, that American networks treated Toronto like Ungava Bay anid Bine Jays players were promised trades. >Y... Defenc: Hey, we wiil admait that the umping cost usthe ' P#% -fr lastseles with, who was it, theTw1a Crown: We oeil our firet witness. Cite Gaston. e, (Witness is sworn in. Basebail players and mauiagers can V-" be sworn in -faster than moSt witnesses. They have a la1 e sweaing vocabulazy.) Gaston: I swear that *&^%$#@ ump was *#Ablind.. Crowu:n : hnge h &* upores Gasten: Yes. He had a *&%$@l like a hearing aid. Only é this. #$%^ was wired inte, some &*%* place aise. &ome VISTi! 0F GOVERNORGENERAL TO ONTARIO LADIES' COLLEGE9, OCT. 19, 1898 *&%$ boy éoe as ivig th *&$# mpordrs.Lord Aberdeen, Lady, Aberdeen and their daughter, Lady Maijorie Cordon, are seated in Defence: Your honour, this questonlng 's bizarre. Beliefot<ftesuet at the Ontario ILa&dis College on o ne <f their last official visits in it only-h-lp--ourdeyeuce. I on --t know what the Crofnons of t e turngta nln.WiIyAcle h Crowi,: Americans would rather hava" lmaasaeGrom wan htyPulcShoBorcaiahsbe aedaf judgetbau a non-Amarican team in the WorId Series? *Cro dlan htyPbi colBadcarahsbe ae goverro Jud~.(Sarted foeua mnl-np) id omeoe cil e athe new community coilege te ha established at Oshawa. dirtyéld man? I con tbrow you in jaeyou know. * 'The public school board wants crossing lights at Dundas Street School now that theiï l BM: AirdI -can un-appoint youg as a judge. (Aside) î 1ou-ln taflco Hdhao2 that, cant I? If I can appoit themt, I can un-appoint them e The Town solicitor wants Whitby te, expropriate land from the Ontario Ladies' Coilageto cant1? (Mloud).W. o neve put ajudiclal un-appolntment extend Burns Street te Blair Street. on natioalû telaviuion. That should halp niy ratings, too. e Ail Saints' Parish Guild held a tea te celebrate the church's centennial. Judge: Who la this guy? Defauce: Your hoîiour, a the Crowu bas managed te do lu 735 woeds lu this kit so far is prove welre sobotaged. I ask this caseadisxise& 75 TZARS AGO Crown: The. Crowu resta. Senteucing the Blue Jays te frm the Thursda -October 12, 1916 adition of the'- skati driils hould have been one way te improve the Mmm AE~ N HONICME Leafs. have cmst oua question. Defecoehatlai? *Twenty-nine men were discharged from the" 182ndBaâttalion last week as being physically Crow.' Cn 'ha Rcketlami skteunfit for mllitary service. Ju4gs.' Cas e ismise. (To witnes Yu wn e e on* e ll6th Ontario County Battalionrecently depouited its colours in Westminster Abhay, in my chambirs We have a faw political matters te tialk - LidnE ad about. * Attera from Whitby soldiera at the frot ntl Europeare published in the Gazette and BI& --Ney, if the Leafs are iu trouble and it'd help my Chromicle. ratmp lany, M lace up fe a faw gamea. 16 shota? J.H. Downay la sefling New Brunswick potatoas at $1.70 -for a 90-pound bag. ~~~~~~~~- 14ý ï4 :...~ . ~ ~ *B*iI