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WHff'BY FREE PRESS WEDNESAY, AUGUST 15, 1990, PAGE 7 PAGE SEVEN Wl HNOUR H MR. Jut lke real war Those who follow alsutings imdoubtedly noticed a news item from our neighboring town of Pickering last weekend. A couple of thousand of people gathered to watch 200 grown men play soldier, by reenacting a amali portion of the entire Ainericen civil War. Shot at each'other with musketsý, ate canned beans and shook hands when it.wes overjust like in real war. Iàkely passed gas, too. Yes, sir. Right there in Pickering. Lave, with the original cast direct from performances in Gettysburg. And Mississippi. War, just the way its supposed to, be fought. Now there niight be some who ponder lover parts of a foreign civil - war being fought on Canadien Sod. Those people don't know poop about Canadien histoiy. See, Canadiens throughout their whale history have always lent a helping hand to, a neighbor in time of need. Why some say as many as 50,000 Canadiens fought the Americazn Civil War. On both aides. _______________________________ Meny can't leven remember who won. But in, war it doesn't rel matter- who won. It'. who gets the _________________________________ residuel rights and who gets te, market the reruns. That's what counts. That's why battle reenectmnents are such a hot item. That's the American way. Iletl get back te, those who dont know poop about Canadien history. Anyone with a quert of sense knows that Canada doesn't have enough history te, reenact. If w. did, would we still have an . Indien problem? Or a Quebec prcblern? Besides, only Americans cen have quert of sense. Canadiens have te peck their sense by the litre, which gives an entirely different view Of history., No, air. Canada has neyer been able, te mount a historical solution te, probleins the way the Americans have. If we hed, inatead of . blocked bridges and negotiations -- negotiations for goodness sakes! - the Warrior Society would be reenecting the Battle of Little Big Horn. Instead of provincial premiers meeting te try egain te hammer eut a constitutional agreement, we would have had a decent-sized Civil War that we could look beck on lovingly. That's the preblem with Canadiens. Instead cf stealing the land from the Indiens fair and square, the way the Americens did, we insiat on endless negotiations. Meenwhile, we just pinch a creek here, a subdivision here, a golf course there. Just te austain us while the negotiations continue. Dirty pool, I say. The truth is, Canadien bistory is so boring that one day someone wiil face the Indiens fair and square. Witheut deceit, without rencour. Now I esk you, it that eny way te run a country? Would yeu get a decent reenectment eut cf that? Naw! (Corne te, think cf it, maybe we could give the Indiensail they esk for. In fact, give the whole country back te them. Including the national debt. Let them pay cff that sucker, eh? We'l send them al EIEC FW ARNE AD I M T ROLN .12 our pennies, just for that purpose. Then, once they did, we could steal hi lrg r 0F oueW M. lAWEE abot188onteweNsteKETf BalwnreetKfor C. 1924 everything back egain..Tislrebikhuewsbitaot17ontees decBewnSretfrrokns Forget the fentasies. leading merchant, Thomas Jackson Holiday. Before 1947, the bricks were painted white and Fo»4-% ;r t iiuWr ldi y hurah!the top floor cf the tewer wes removed. WhitIy AwddMiwsphco mistory for we poor history-starved Iecals( a Reidentl are e]ready objecting te Whitbys new zoning bylaw even though it has not yet Yes, air, lady and gentlemen. Step right up. Watch these helicopters beenappve by the Ontario Municipal Board. fail Mt int hy arber! * AI avid o f New Westminster, B.C., is the new humene society inspecter for Whitby Watch boatloads of refugees head for the sefe haven cf Oshawa or and Osh4e ,Ajax, only te, be mugged by local pirates1a M. Wba Hurley is the new principal cf St. Theress Separate School. Step right inte, the pages cf living -hlstory. No need;now te be a hes-béen or never-been. Now Canadiand. too, cen have a real histery. One that reaily counts. .25 TZARS A~ Guatemala. fi the Thurdy August 10, 1%,65 edition cf the Colà»nbia. WlIIUYCHRONICLE Saudi Arabia. e The Chrcinicle is warning about tlieves nllking cows that are grezing on common land in Ie. a thought n sure would warm Governor Mulrcney's patriotic Whitby. heart. e The Wiîby Gremmar School op on Aug. 114 foleowing the summer holidays. e Whtby play Scer in quit match on Aug. 12. 0 James IV er is selling a b th shop in Ashburn. I Deug Anderson's The Other Side of the Fence will appear linother ipart, of the Paper from timeto time .