WITBY FREE PRESS.,WEDNESDAY, JULY 5, 1989, PAGE 6 An earlier version of this coluinn, scanned quickly by someone we shall imply refer to as another person, was tossed back on the kitchen table. "It's supposed to be funny, right?" I mumbled soniething about light, bantering summer columns. Who takes anything seriously in July? It's flot funny." 'You didn't find it funny." Saine thing." "Not really. Who do you find funny? In print?" "Gary Lautens." "tSinger?"l I read him. Once." "Dave Barry?" 'toathe him. But who I like, doesn't niatter," said this other person. "But this column is so unfunny it could have been written by Susan Kastner." So there you have it. People born without a sense of humor have a strange way of looking at life. The original entry point for this piece centered around the joys of teachers who have two months of summer vacation. Some people have it really .tough. Two months. Honest. Nine weeks. inm not making this up. And every tume they run into someone, they get the saine song and dance. 'Must be nice, eh?" Always they put in, that "eh?", to prove they're Canadians or hosers or something, and then given their temperaments, may or may not punch you niacho-like on the upper ami. 'Must be nice, eh?" Punch, chortie. If you happen to be a teacher with rine weeks vacation, finding the right reply could occupy ail the productive time of your full nine weeks. 'Nine weeks! Must be nice, eh?" WITH OUR FEET UP by Bill Swan Nine weeks.:r You grin and reply with a feigned punch. It sure is." Forget ail that stuif about trying ta, convince these people how hard and long you work aIl year long, about the stress of meeting those rowsful of little buggers day after day, about how niuch more ;you could earn in 'business, or pleading poverty by comparing Christmas bonuses. Go straight to the heart of the matter. Give it ta 'em between the eyes. Take away ail their fun. 'Must ho nice, eh?" It sure is." Guaranteed to be a show stopper. Takes aIl the wit out of the slow of mind. Not to change the subject or anything, but I came m"os.p anme news this week of performance enhancing drugs for cows. 1Now right now yoire thinkng steroids, and athietes and stuif. But you're on the wrong track. This stuif ain't gonna make no cow do the hundred metres in 10 fiat, not a hundred yards neither. Though I do recail how 40 years ago how Stan Miller's cows could outrun a ten-year-ocld-boy, even with that huge sack full to overfiowing from a full day out in the alfalfa. But no, this stuif aimes only to make cows do better what cows do best: give milk. Say twenty-five per cent more. TIhat might seem just fine, especially if you're a milk drinker and it night mean cheaper supplies. (Neglecting the _subtlety that those who drink milk seldom pay for it, and those who pay for it seldom drink it.) Not only that, but this cow hormone could be thought of as an anti-steroid, since after being on that stuif any cow would have difflculty breaking thirty in the hundred just before milking time, or any udder time for that matter. .Well, if the inventors of this stuf can't convince the dairy industry ta, use it, perhaps they could offer it on a trail basis ta, the world of athletics. Anything undetectable could be useful about now. Should the dairy and farming and government officiais corne to me for a way ta, get this stuff on the market, Pve got answers. First, legalize mlk from cows on this juice. To allow purists to stay pure, the milk fromn juiced up cows could be clearly labelled. Cali it Super Milk. From there, it's a simple marketing problem. Try these commerciale: Bilîboards: (Close up of a cow's face, niooing.) "Super Milk from Super Bossy!" SEE PA GE 8 Woboden Outdoor Furniture MYRILE RD. H TICKSON C HWY 12 I~ Cail 655-8558 W RT e Deir mm m WCL1D. IV axagons, Octagons, Benches, lairs etc. indinade, preassemibled, nded, ready to be stained # Solid Ceclar construction # BIlt to Last Trafalgar Castie Sehool This long established sel undergoing a modest expansio few places available for especially at the junior levels. hool for gi on. There an( September riris is e stili a 1989, Trafalgar Castle will continue to offer smal classes (average 15) , individual attention, a strong athletic and extra-curricullar programme and emphasis on character development. Boarding/Day Grades 7 - 13 Apply: The Principal Trafalgar Castie School 401 Reynolds St. Whitby, Ontario LMN 3W9 h(416) 668-3358 À J N-