WHffBY MRE PRESS, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14, 1989, PAGE 5 Every tixne I go inta a video store I get dizzy. My feet get dizzy, my eyes get dizzy, my stomach growls. My brain, smart organ that it is, waits for me in the car. On the car trip home, it is the brain who looks over the catch. 'Where'd you ever get that aid stink bomb?" my brain asks. I dunno. It looked good tonme. 1 mean, itfs got Meryl Streep on the jacket there. She couldn't make a bad movie, could she?" "Look," the brain says, "do you know anything about it?"f I neyer know anything about niovies. If I remember reviews, I forget the titie. "If I kiiew anything about movies I would take five minutes piclidng one out. It looked funny. See? Lily Tomlin and Bette Midler. Two such talented people could not have made a badmovie." You're sitting there saying, why doesn't this lunk head take bis brain inta the video store and select proper movies? 'il tell you. In a movie store a brain turns ta mush. Twenty seconds. It's right there in Guiness Book of Records. The firet problem in a videa store ain't what ta take home. It's figuring out the systern. Ini store A, you find a movie you like and pick up the cardbaard jacket. You take it ta the front. "Yes?" says the girl. Always, it's a girl, seven, maybe eight years aId. Bubble guni. Three boyfiends hidden under the counter. ']Pdlike this movie." "Yeah, okay, like, see, you take this back ta the sheif, see, and under the sheif is these little buttons with staff written on theni. Yau pick one of those and bring the button here." 'Then I can rent yau the movie." Ail right. Wrong systeni. Sa back at the sheîf, right where you picked up the carboard, there are no little Tue system buttons. You check. Ail the other covers have buttons, but not this one. Back to the girl at the front. 'No buttons," you say, handing her the cardboard cover again. With an interior grin which says, 'There, I beat your system.' '"hat," she says, scratching one of her boyfiends behind the left ear under the counter, "means that al our copies of that movie are out." "O0h."f 'Tou can eéther pick out another inovie, or wait for someone to return theirs." "How long will that take?" I dunno. Two, three days." Other sjrstems couple marketing schemes with computer records: ' Today only! Free movies! Rent twelve movies for tonight and get one free! Act now while this offer lasts. Gaod only even-numbered Tuesdays.' Until video stores, the average person had no idea how many bad movies have been made. Now, you can rent six successive stinkers. Some people have even done this in one weekend. The warld record: twelve, rented on a Saturday night, by a unnamed computer programmer from Brooklin. This does not mean that all movies are bad. Many movies have become classics, 'and deserve ta be seen over and over. In fact, no movie can be classed as good uiless it can be reviewed once a year for ten years and stili be thoroughly erýjoyed. The trouble lies not in the stars but in ourselves. We have become accustomied to advertisfing, reviews, publicity stunts and word of mouth. Ahl get us into a movie theatre, train us ta enjoy what everyone else does. Okay, s0 we've rented the movie and got it home. The other persons in our lives have very specifie tastes in movies, don't they? "Big Business? With Bette Midier and Lily Tomlin? But that got awful reviews. "That was years ago. How can you remember?" For the record: if Big Business didn't get bad reviews, it should have. "lenty?"f "Yeah. Thats the one with Meiyl Streep. I bet she's neyer made a bad movie." For the record: she bas. Plenty. Not plenty bad movies, but a movie called Plenity which May just be the Most pretentious, boring, and worst movie ever made. Many people have been known ta rent the saine bad movie over and over again. Not because they want ta stick with the stinker they know, but because they keep forgetting they've seen it. One video store in the near future wiil salve this problem. For an extra fee you wiil be told whether or not you've rented that movie before, and how you rated it each time. That doesn't meanyou'il neyer take home stinkers again. It just means yau won't take the samie stinker home twice. Unless you want an excuse ta, rent that plastic popcorn. New location approved for- Durham YMCA office Whitby cauncil bas approved the first floor for office and cleri- Toronto YMCA, Durham branch, an application ta, convert a house cal staff. Internai renavations establishes a major full-service at 814 Brock St. N. into adminis- will be made and an eight -space facility in Durham Regian, expec- trative offices for the Durham parking lot provided, according ted within three ta five years. YMCA. ta a Town planning report. 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