WHITBY FREE PRESS, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 8,1988, PAGE 5 It is difficult, the old man said, to keep your sanity when all about you is confusion. Let us get down to specifics: REAL Women, for one thing, and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs for the other. It was nice to read, in the op-ed page of Monday's Oshawa Times, that REAL Women stand steadfast for traditional values. Great invention, those traditional values. Great cure for all manner of social ills, ancient and modern. Take one: no premarital sex. Banned. At once we have the answer to all manner of ills: pregnancy, illegitimacy, venereal diseases, shotgun weddings, premature ejaculation. Everything but hairy palms. So effective is this treatment on a theme that it is the textbook answer of choice, for REAL Women anyway, for something as modern as AIDS. Why, traditional morality was around for years and years before AIDS and yet nothing could be better in preventing it. It pleases me that morality holds cures in areas that medical science has come up empty-handed. Modern advertising maintains that any effective slogan has to be encapsulated in six words or less. REAL Women's traditional slogan fits well, perhaps is one of the shortest on record: NO! The only hesitation I have about the whole program concerns its age. I mean, traditional morality kicked around a lot before penicillin was discovered. Yet in spite of that, many diseases --some of them so vulgar I daren't- mention them in a family newspaper--continued to spread anyway. And no program is any good unless it works. Oh well. If tradition can't battle AIDS, then some day in the future the Earth's population will consist only of REAL Women and other nay-sayers. Time will tell. But the matter of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs WITH OUR FEET UP by Bill Swan Snow White as twit is far more serious. Ever wonder why only feminists react to traditional fairy tales (such as SWATSD)? Yet in that wondrous tale, at least in the version most of know --SWATSD according to Walt Disney --many other pressure groups should be howling about. For one thing, Snow White is a twit, which is a very good reason for feminists to rail against the story. In the Grimm Brothers version, she is stupid as well, but that's another story. And we won't even get into the morality (REAL Women take note) of such a young nubile thing living in the woods with seven dirty old men. We know they are dirty because each night before dinner she examines their dirty hands and grubby fingernails. But two other groups should put Disney out of business the next time the movie is screened. First, all Males. In the Disney SWATSD, two males appear besides the Dwarfs: Prince Charming and the Huntsman. The third lies hidden in - the story line. More about him in a minute. Prince Charming is a handsome twit, and is likely a perfect match for Snow White. On the surface, he is the fictional embodiment of tradition values. I suspect he's gay. REAL Women undoubtedly will take me to task on that one. The huntman is a bit more manly. He was the one, you may recall, who was ordered by The Queen to take Snow White off into the forest, kill ber, and stuff her heart in a 4x6 index card file. If you haven't read the story or seen the movie, Ill spoil it for you now: he doesn't. But even in not killing Snow White, he is hen-pecked, knuckling under to the jealous wishes of. the Wicked Queen. Not exactly your best example of traditional male strength. Worst of ail, however, is the male who never appears in the story: The King. The guy who fathered Snow White, and the later married The Wicked Queen. The rubber-kneed sovereign who stands by while The Queen bas Snow White scrubbinig the castle floors on :her hands and knees dressed in rags. This is traditional male strength? But the Wicked Queen should be marked in every step-parent's heart with a thick, black magic marker. Here lies the articular jealous, mean, step-mother, who would punish a child to manipulate a man. Even REAL Women must in their heart of hearcs revile this woman. Granted, the Wicked Queen would have kept Snow White pure, well away from the libidinous clutches of Prince Charming. But in her lust for traditional values she pushed the young girl into che beds of seven dirty old men. Can any young woman accept that Snow White was happy baking apple pies in a male-dominated home? This raillery has to stop. Compromise proposed on Bell pedestal nsallatio Bell Canada will inform Whit- by council when and where they intend to install pedestals (des- cribed by Bell Canada repre- sentatives as "terminals") when Rossland widening to cost $2.4 illion Durham Region Council has given approval to the low tender of $2,418,684 for the widening of Rossland Rd. from Garden St. to Thickson Rd. The road will be widened to four lanes from two. Also included in the amount is intersection improvements at Rossland Rd. and Hwy. 12. Work is expected to start this summer. Burns received A 26-year-old Harwood man was taken to Whitby General Hospital will burns to his face, arms and chest after he at- tempted to remove a radiator cap from a car on Brock St. S. Sunday. Police say the coolant in the radiator was hot when he opened the cap. The collant sprayed Anderson. GARYTAX & ACCO0UNTING SERVICES BOOKKEEPING AND ACCOUNTING AT REASONABLE RATES FOR FRIENDLY AND EFFICIENT SERVICE TEL. 430-3550 HOURS: TUES. - SAT. 11-5 J.T. CARPET &UPHOLSTERY CLEANING Scotch guarding, deoderizing and disinfectant. June Special... L.R., D.R., Hall & Stairs Couch & Chair. $79.95 Phone: 668-6620 they upgrade service in the town. That was the compromise reached by Bell and members of the operations committee at a meeting Monday night. The committee invited Bell representatives to explain why they are installing the 3-ft,. 4-in. pedestals. Committee heard many complaints from residents in West Lynde recently when Rogers Cable began installing similar pedestals to improve service in that subdivision. Bell will be installing pedestals in areas of Whitby and Brooklin over the next two years. Bob Snyder, speaking for Bell, used the area of Cochrane and Wellington as an example. He said there are 422 telephone subscribers in the area and over the past 16 months, 76 lines have been out of service. Snyder said Bell has been installing the pedestals for the last 10 years as a means of improving service and improving maintenance capability, and have AND DON'T PAY UNTIL SEPTEMBER 1, 1988 e5 YEAR WARRANTY on one of the most quiet and efficient systems available. e FINANCING BELOW PRIME Pay your account on September lst., or finance at below bank prime rates. SPECIAL EARLY ORDER BONUS YOUR CHOICE OF ONE OF THESE PREMIUMS FREE COLEMAN 3-PERSON BOAT BEABLE VACUTE COLEMAN COOLER 45 LITRES had very few complaints. "The only con is their appear- ance on every other lot line," said Snyder, adding that Bell attempts to "hide" the pedestals wherever possible. 'We just didn't decide to pick a fight with Bell," said councillor Tom Edwards who warned Bell about the people upset with the pedestals. * 4 4 e Committee members also questioned the possibility of vandalism of the pedestals. But Snyder replied it would take a car to knock the pedestals down. Plans call for the pedestals to be placed on every other lot line. But Bell representatives said they would attempt to place the ped- estals on every third or fourth lot line where possible. 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