WHITBY FREE PRESS, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 10,1988, PAGE 5 Sippose you are walking down the main street of Beaver, Ont. and you run into a hippo. First you might say that would be impossible; what would a hippo be doing, sashaying down the streets of Beaver, Ont. right in front of the office of The Flat Tail, Beaver's only newspaper? ' Lucas Letterpress ran into such a hippo only yesterday on his way to work. Lucas, some may recall, works at The Flat Tail. He is publisher and editor, which means -he owns the place and gets to sweep the floor. The hippo was tied to a parking meter, smack in front of the office. "Things you see when you don't have a camera," Lucas muttered. "Can election time be that near?" Now if you or I had seen the hippo, our thoughts would have leapt to zoos or circuses. But Lucas, remember, is a newspaperperson. Sure enough, as he stepped into his of- fice to pick up his camera, who should be waiting for him but Razor Strop. Strop was once mayor but was displaced by Mayor Johnny Cannuck at the last election. He wants to be mayor again. "Is the election that close?" Lucas asks. "This has nothing to do with elections," Strop says. "It has to do with power. Can you imagine an animal more powerful?" "Perhaps the rhinoceros," replies Lucas. "They make good election symbols, too." The quip goes right over Strop's head, landing in a cuspidor. "The hippo can wade where no other animal dare," says Strop. His two blue eyes focus on a single point, like a pole vaulter beginning his rundown. "Besides, hippos are the only creature which likes to wallow in politics. Got your camera loaded? I'm looking for some media coverage." Outside, Razor Strop strikes a pose with the hippo, first scratching him behind the ear, leaning on him, once even trying to ride him side-saddle. Lucas' camera catches all the action. "Would you say," asks Lucas, "that the hippo is the niew~ symbol of your party's position on the issues." WITH OUR FEET UP by Bill Swan Policy in the poles "Now let's get this straight," Strop replies. "I love a party. I loved a party when I was mayor, and before that, like before I was mayor. I still like a party. But I never let a party interfere with..." "Let's skip that," says Lucas. "What is the angle here with the hippo? You know we have to haVe an angle. Otherwise, it looks as though you put one over on us, got some free advertising. If you're gonna start your cam- paign for mayor now, you gotta do it right." "Sure, sure. What this hippo represents is a new con- vention of our party. He's what you might call our policy setting convention." "Mind there," Lucas says. "Your hippo is setting some policy right now. Don't step in it." "Just between you, me and your readers, Lucas, there's one thing that worries me." "What's that?" "What happens if the other Mayor Johnny Cannuck and Bent Broadaxe copy this, and come up with mascot sym- bols of their own. I mean, we came up with the idea first. No estimate yet given of Town taxation increase Head of the treasury department, councillor Joe Drumm, will not give any indication of what tax increase Whitby residents will face in 1988 although he says he "doubts" it will be in double digits. "The figure will depend on council. On what it takes out and what it leaves in during discussion," says Drumm. Two public meetings will be held on the budget, on Tuesday, Feb. 16 beginning at 7:30 p.m., and on Wednesday, Feb. 17 beginning at 7 p.m. "There are a myriad of problems in the budget and there will'be some black eyes but that is expected," says Drumm. He adds one of the issues facing council is a 16-per cent increase in road construction while the Province has only increased . its municipal road grants by five per cent. Last year urban residents in Whitby faced a 7.8-per cent tax increase while rural residents were hit with an 8.1-per cent tax increase. Region needs more office space Durham's chief administrative officer has called for a complete review of its existing office space now that the Region has decided to stay put in its Whitby headquarters on Rossland Rd. Don Evans received council's en- dorsement in principle for the strategies he outlined in his recommendation aimed at studying the requirements of the Region's various departments and updating almost all accommodations in Oshawa and Whitby. Heading Evans' priority list is space at 50 McMillan Dr. in Oshawa which houses the social services department. Calling it the "porrest accommodation of all regional of- fice space anywhere in the region," ·Evans said it had to be considered unacceptable for even short-term needs. He added the space is "grossly inadequate for the size of the depar- tment and environmentally totally deficient." He stated the Region's lease on the property expires on Jan. 19 of next year and that the building supply company now oc- cupying the 'main floor of the premises will soon be vacating, but is not aware of how that space will be used. Evans alluded to the proposal that no funding provision had been made in the 1988 budget for regional headquarters. "Originally, it had been an- ticipated that a sum of $500,000 for regional headquarters would be in- cluded (in the '88 budget) but it is believed that it is far more impor- tant that such funding instead be applied to a reserve for a waste disposalsite," Evans stated. He indicated staff had included in this year's budget sufficient fun- ding to carry out the necessary study work to examine alternative space arrangements for this fun- etion and perhaps to cover early éxpenditures that might involve in any new lease arrangements. Evans, said the offices of the planning and works departments at 105 Consumers Drive in Whitby were adequate in terms of location, parking and.short-term space. But he said a study regarding longterm needs should be com- pleted this year. He said if the Region chose to continue using the Consumers Dr. facility, it would have to be completely revamped. "It should be noted that the win- dow and floor covering material are in atrocious condition," stated SEEPAGE8 i1 BUnf fMASTER Feb. 10- BA HERY Feb. 14 BuY EXTRA To Bagels 5 for a $1000 EE AND Cherry Pie $2.50 Whitby Store Only 1380 HOPKINS 666-1177 Open 7 Days a WeekJ 1~ _ STOP BURGLARS IN THEIR TRACKS ornly $27.95 PROPERTY CRIMES ARE RISING Stats Canada say 166 per hour! Wouldn't you like some peace of mind? 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Family Dentist wishes to announce his associateship at the Whitby Dental Clinic for the practice of dentistry. By appointment 668-6864 Saturday appointments available 668-7797 214 Dundas St. E. Whitby Ontario, L1N 2H8 LA PETITE Seafood House&Steak formerly the Coach House 939 Dundas St. W. Open '7 days a week. Reserve now for Valentine's Day John Serferlis New Telephone 430-3017 =77= Don't you think we should get some patent protection?" "Get Mayor Johnny Cannuck to stick out hi$ broad.chin and pass such law. But what if they do? What could they possibly use?" "Well, Mayor Johnny could use a Jackass." "That's already been done, You can forget the elephant, too. And the rhino has already bëen taken, too, as I said.", "And Broadaxe. Like, he could use a horse. "Yeah, like Old Dobbin, right out of Animal Farm. But to change the subject," says Lucas, "have you tried any of your new policy in the poles?" "Gosh, what a great idea," says Razor Strop. "Then af- ter we can go for a three-hour lunch and still get back on time. I got a shovel right here. Let's go." Razor Strop picks up a shovel he had tied to the back of the hippo and scoops a shovelful of policy. He and Lucas head for the poles at the edge of town. Behind them, im- mediately, a crowd grows. "The Poles, the Poles," the crowd begins to chant. The Poles are the remains of three cedar trees in a bog at the town's edge. The trees have been stripped of bran- ches. In pre-election rituals, the three most political people in town, Mayor Johnny Cannuck, Razor Strop, and Bent Broadaxe, leader of the Consolidated Axè Workers, make various attempts to see how high each can climb. He who climbs highest is thought to have the best chance of being elected mayor in the next election. "Let'er fly," Strops says. Someone takes the shovel and tosses the policy over the centre pole. That is Strop's pole. The one on the right is Mayor Johnny Cannuck's; the one on the left belongs to Bent Broadaxe. Once the policy is in place, Razor Strop doffs his jacket and beings the climb. Up, up, up. How high he might have gotten we will never know until the next election; Lucas Letterpress, in writing about the matter, has noted that members of his own election team were busy throwing alternate policies at him while he climbed. F' - qi e