"I have sworn upon the alter of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." - Thomas Jefferson hil~and THE ' . ..................................... CROW'S NEST by Michael Knell Ive got Cabbage Patch phobia It's starting again. Thousands of crazed parents will soon be storming stores large and small al across the country in search of that elusive and extremely valuable Cabbage Patch Kid. I hate Cabbage Patch Kids. They are not cute. They are ugly. They are over- priced and overrated. They are a plot by some crazed American inventor to part fools from their money. You know, they're beginning to invade my dreams. It seems every week some organization in this fair community of ours is raffling off, auctioning off, giving away or holding for ransom a Cabbage Patch Kid. Every night I'm haunted by the fat pieces of cloth who are demanding that I buy one and give it a good home. My wife and I went to the Stouffville Market on bright Saturday afternoon last Sumrmer. One of the vendors had the offensive little packages for sale. So, being the dummy ITam, I asked how much. "$50," he replied to which I responded "You must be out of your mind" at the top of my voice in the middle of the crowded square. Too much hype I really object to Cabbage Patch Kids -not so much to the dolls themselves but t the hype that accompanies them. For example, if you can buy one for a reasonable price (which is all but im possible except for one catelogue store where you can buy one for $27.95, if they have them in stock) the compnay that manufactures them will send your child a set of adoption papers. To make matters worse, on the anniversary of the sale, the company will send the doll a birthday card. But do you want to hear something really perverse. If the doll is damaged and you return it to the company and ask for a refund, the child, so I'm told by a wit- ness to such an event, will receive a death notice and sympathy card. Now, isn't that a bit much? To make matters worse, they come out with a Cabbage Patch Preemie Doll. Do these people think that a premature baby is a doll? Premature babies have all kin- ds of medical and associated problems and to exploit them as a toy is in the worst possible taste. Found something big It seems that the toy manufacturers have gotten onto something big. They have learnt a lesson from the famous hamburger chain and soaked the television screens with fancy, colorful, cartoon-like and entertaining ads all aimed at getting kids to corner their parents into buying Cabbage Patch Kids or something else. Some of these companies are also inventing a toy and then designing a television show around it. For example, there's a set of toys called "The Transformers" made by the Hasbro Toy Company. It seems that Hasbro has bought time on several television stations to put a cartoon show by the same name on the air. And guess what the commercials sell, you got it, "The Transformers". Cabbage Patch Kids have also branched out from dolls. They are now into per- fume, shampoo, talc powder, prams, Hallowe'en costumes and so on and so on. Toys are functional. They do two things. They teach our kids and they entertain our kids. But it seems that some bright boy down south has used the techniques of mass communication to instill a desire on the part of our children to have these at the exclusive of all else. A dvertilng p perv e råity Cabbage Patch Kids and Transformers are not just toys anymore. They have become marketing devises to line the pockets of some major corporation. Can anybody tell me that a Cabbage Patch Kid is worth the riots that were wit- nessed in department stores across the continent last Christmas? Even in Canada, parents literally stormed department stores with fresh shipments. Now, no toy is worth that. I don't care if it's so ugly it's cute, It seems to me, and this is probably strange coming from a manwho's entire in- come relies on the sales of advertising, that the advertising man is becoming king. The hype of mass market advertising has lead to this perversity. Don't¯you think that sensible adults should know better? Let's put the Cabbage Patch Kids where they belong. o The election falls between the deadline for this column and publication date. Unless America repeats the upset of 1948 and this column reads like the now-farmous Chicago headline "DEWEY WINS", I feel safe (if not happy) in confirming the election to a second term of President Reagan. Electing Reagan and turning away from Mondale, who no matter how they color it, still carries the aroma of Jimmy Carter and indecision, and the Iran embarrassment. Reagan represented the "Man on Horseback" riding to the rescue. Not only in America is this image apt. It is universal. Coun- tries like charismatic figures. People adore im- perial presence. Crities call it a "swing to the right." Supporters call it "a return to basic good sense." This column did not start out being an analysis of American attitudes. I'd better rein in and dismount. A CANADIAN REAGAN? Z . Recently a comment came, I think out of the Prime Minister's Office, that the Americans in their fervent embrace of the "conservative" attitude, had better not. expect a Reagan-style conservative in Ottawa. Brian Mulroney is not Ronald Reagan. Ottawa is not Washington. The right wing of the Progressive Conservative party in Canada gnashed their teeth over the Red Tory Joe Clark, and they were glad to see him go. If they settled for Brian I believe they have settled for a moderate who is not bound by private debts or political baggage, and while he represents a free enterprise point of view, in no way can be called a small "c" arch-conser- vative. At least not to me. He will give the red-necks very short shrift. any more than a pro-bullet screwball will give up his Magnum Equalizer. (That's another subject too.) , But in the bigger sense (notice how philosphical I can become when I am cornered, and by my own words yet) it is fair and good to avoid labels and try thinking instead. Good for whoever in Ottawa reminded Washington that a Progressive Conser- vative in Canada is a far cry from a Republican Moral Majority-Conservative in the United States. Our choice of Brian was appropriate. Their choice of . Reagan is emotional. Reagan can get co- operation from Ottawa, perhaps more than he got from Trudeau, but he will not get mindless com- pliance or knee-jerk agreement. THERE REALLY ARE DIFFERENCES Reagan supporters are anti-E.R.A. (Equal Rights Amendment). They want Mom back in the home baking apple pie and wiping noses. Mulroney represents recognition of woman's issues and equal rights. Reagan is for big-stick, keep-America- strong foreign policy. Mulroney conservatives are still very Canadian, wanting perhaps an enlargement of military strength, but as the same time moderation in foreign affairs. Reagan is a superb juggler. He has actually glued together elements of the Republicans from the liberal wing to the arch-right wing. Mulroney may have a tougher task on his hands. It is clear that while he favors moderation in government spending and set- ting business free to be the engine of prosperity, as do all the Reagan people he has never favoured an abandonment of social programs or a tota release of business from restraint. I suggest that under Mulroney there will be a new and better look at con- trol of predatory business piractices through better competition legislation. Liberals everywhere are in disarray. (I mean small "1" - not party members.) Their causes, on which they sometimes claim a monopoly, include social justice, universality, managed economy, women's rights, better education, funding for the arts and more of our precious pets, are in danger. To the liberal mind a move to anything with a con- servative label is the end of their (our) version of justice, and a descent into darkness. Washington can have its El Salvador and its Grenada. Ottawa will not. They're just not the same. I I9