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30 + WATERLOO CHRONICLE + Wednesday, April 25, 2007 [RA dJ To book your Spring & Summer Actim in the Waterloo Chronicle, call Matt 519â€"623â€"3050 x205‘ Fax 519â€"623â€"3532 mmiller@cambridgetimes .lw‘ ‘our Music: 1 y to discover your unique mfim %W , WoWPW Group Retirement & Tax Billy the Bookie gives up his sure things Unless you‘ve been conâ€" fined to the woodshed for the past few years, even the biggest diehard realâ€" sports fan knows that one of the hottest events on TV right now is the ‘card game known as Texas Hold ‘Em. From highâ€"profile, and wellâ€"endowed "celebrities" â€" Jennifer Tilley you know who you are â€" to runâ€"ofâ€"theâ€"mill schlubs like Mike the Mouth or somebody or other, a large viewing audience has been caught up in the antics of high rollers in action in wellâ€" known gambling locations around the world. Well, as a public service to readers of the Cronk and this space in particular, your new friend Billy the Bookie is going to outline some sure things that are going on in the world today. Consider the odds and place your bets And at all times, know your limit and play within it, which is the tiny print in the Your Child Your Chniid )‘ . Deserves the Best! \(W#®/$¢, LrBA 99 * of Kindermusik parents would recommend this program to Other parentS! (Marmson Interactive. NovO5) 8 Classes # Summer Camps # Sign&Sing‘" " Famity Time"" # For more inifo call (519) 886â€"1177 ext. 247 + Summer Dance Craze â€" Dance & Art Camp 5â€"11 yrs For mare info call (519) 885â€"901 1 + Summer Fun Centres Day Camp 4â€"10 yrs + Summer Survivor Day Camp 7â€"12 yrs * Sports Splash ‘n Fun Day Camp 7â€"12 yrs * Busker Mania Day Camp 7â€"12 yrs *Youth Leadership Development Program 13â€"16 yrs For more info call (519) 885â€"1220 ext. 246 m Find out more * Go to www, waterloo.ca/camps t J Registration now underway '\n‘. Kindermusik of Cambridge /KW Awardâ€"winning. Celebrating 20 years! Studios in Cambridge & Waterioo §19â€"622â€"5702 multimillion dollar advertisâ€" ing campaign that the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Commission runs to lure us poor saps into buying lottery tickets and making lousy odds and even worse return bets on a variety of sporting events. _ What Billy the Bookie is offering in the following paragraphs will be your basic "sure thing" bets if anybody was waging on these items Heading the list of sure things is the fact that two of the richest and/or dumbest dudes in the world would be The Donald â€" aka billionaire developer Donald Trump â€" and radioâ€"TV talk show host Don Imus, who was forced into retirement. and/or people. Also rememâ€" ber, the views expressed here are strictly those of your beloved elderly scribbler. It‘s living proof that money can buy apparently anything in the world except perhaps the ability to actually engage your brain before putting your mouth in gear. [ give you the Trumpster and the equally hairâ€"challenged Imus as examples. I have no problem with Trump‘s success in the busiâ€" ness world and on television, even if his smarmy, knowâ€"itâ€" all attitude on The Apprenâ€" tice show is not my cup of However, 1 thought he gave all males a black eye when he engaged in an insultâ€"fest with daytime talkâ€" show personality Rosie O‘Donnell a few months back. Sure, Rosie the Riveter, overly yappy in her own right, made fun of the Donald‘s comb over â€" doesn‘t everyâ€" body? â€" but Trump‘s followâ€" ing tirades were as meanâ€" spirited and trashy as anyâ€" thing I‘ve ever heard. And then to give further proof that his ego has no bounds, Trump hooked up with Vince McMahon for more exposure in the TV world via pro wrestling, takâ€" ing part in a fake fight â€" oops, aren‘t they all fake?â€" before doing a Britney Spears on Vince‘s hair club for men. And no, I didn‘t watch it. I exercised my godâ€"given right to change the channel. As for Imus, it seems more sad than sorry. Showing the signs, to me at least, that at the midâ€"60 mark in his life maybe he should think about not trying to be the sharpâ€" tongued, hotâ€"shot he was in his radio heyday, but more of an elder statesman of his genre. He‘s not the 1â€"Man anyâ€" more. He‘s merely some reaâ€" sonably knowledgeable guy with long hair and a cowboy hat who dissed some classy young U.S. college basketball girls. He probably did it to show he was still on top of his game when it came to slang and trash talking. 1 wouldn‘t be surprised if he landed in pay radio with the king of the shock jocks, Howard Stern. Again, 1 exerâ€" cise my right to not listen to either of these "performers." And, finally, in the sure thing department is the fact that the tragic massacre of 32 students and staff at Virginia Tech early last week will not change or make tougher â€" and you can go to the bank with this one â€" one single thing about the sale and ownership of guns in the U.S. of A. And the sickest thing I heard all last week about the incident was one American‘s suggestion â€" he, I expect, is a staunch supporter of the right to bear arms â€" that if all the students had been carryâ€" ing guns, somebody would have shot the whacko before he had killed 32 of his fellow classmates. Wow. Bill (Skip) Johns retired from fullâ€"time sports writing five years ago but can be reached at skipschips@goldâ€" en.net. We‘d be galloping fullscale back to the days of the old west. J thought Charlton Hesâ€" ton was too old to heft that rifle over his head.