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Inhtawis Reinhart's letter he seems to have missed perhaps the The debate surrounding the Uni- versity Avenue high-rise propos- al is less about greedy "big business development" and more about Petr ple reacting with the ao-too-com- man "not in my backyard" response to a good idea, based on the false belief that it will lower their property vanes. Years ago, when I DUN] was a commanding Lye12 officer in the British Army, I had to deal with and lead some SOD-plus soldiers. We officers had many workshops. courses and seminars on how to work with and meat other people, and how to handle the dim- cult ones. It's funny how much I had forgotten, but thinking about my lit- tle squabble and how it should have been handled brought back a lot of what I had learned. A little understanding goes a long way l'd like to pass on to you (and writing it down has helped me remember) some useful techniques I learned many years ago for han- Residents react to high-rise proposal with NIMBY response The tiff I'd had reminded me of what I'd heard a couple of weeks earlier about dealing with difficult people, and got me thinking aboutthearmy. few weeks ago, on behalf of A/iii:?,?? Committee of 55+. attended the annual general meeting of the Older Adult Centre Association of Canada. One of the guest speakers gave an excellent speech on how to deal with difficult people. I'm not a difficult person, notwithstanding what my wife might say. Still, I am human and I occasionally fail to live up to my own high standards. The other day, for example, I had a bit of a tiff with an acquaintance and we P' parted thinking each N other was wrong. I was t, f aisoangry iSi You said it QUESTION WHEN DOYOU A STARTYOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING? lH'llllly, I most important purpose of a city's Ofrtcial Plan, which is to regulate growth. Waterloo is growing rapidly. and growth is good if it occurs in the right way. The ofBcial Plan calls for an increase in height and densi- ty in Waterloo. For every high-rise apartment complex that is prevent- ed. we get more low-density urban sprawl replacing farmland and nat- ural areas, Not only does low-densi- When people are " ' hurt, or their needs in life are not being met, they can become diffi- cult. They are out of touch with their emo- tions or feelings. People can often be lonely because they do not E ',',etir,"eagi that they pus peop e away or JILY offend them. Keep in mind that sometimes people can't hear what you say because that would force them to look at themselves. One of the golden rules is to seek an understanding of the other per- son's situation. This helps us to depersonalize the situation and to look behind the behaviour or beyond a perceived attack. We are rarely difficult or angry for the rea- sonwethirtkweare.Themisusuaily a core issue, a past feeling or some- thing that happened previously that is the root of current difficult behav- iour. Don't try to fool yourself, deal The most successful people share a common skill. They know how to interact with people, some of whom may be difficult to deal with, and if the truth be told we can all (even me) be difficult at times, dling people and successfully deal- ing with the conflicts that inevitably Remember that no one can make you angry. If we become angry, it's - because we have decid- ‘. . \ ed that that's the way we till ‘ want to be. Don't put NIST the blame on the other . person. "I start a couple of days before Christ- mas. I'm just too busy. It's pretty sad because I work in a "Right now. I have a huge family - about 25 people I have to buy for. So I like to start early." Hui CHROME] Kristi Porter COMMENT Tom "it ty development destroy valuable land, it creates areas where people are dependent on their cars. This adds to tratBc problems and worse, results in greenhouse gases and smog-forming pollutants which contribute to poor air quality. Our city's planning ofBcials understand that dense development along Finally, remember that you own 50 per cent of the responsibility in any relationship, but you can only account for your own 50 per cent. The other person has to own their I hope that with these thoughts once again in my mind, I will be more understanding and put into practice all the good lessons I should have learned and remem- bered. I'd also better seek out the acquaintance I had a tiff with and apologize. Use "I" messages. such as "l feel..." or "This is what I understood you to say..." or "I saw this..." or whatever. "You" statements such as "You did this..." or "You were wrong..." just make the other per- son defensive. Choose your words carefully. Avoid accusatory ques- tions. Don't be afraid to admit you make errors or could be wrong. Know the difference between giving information or suggestions and pushing directions on others. Test your expectations against reality. When we expect more than others are prepared or able to give we run the risk of conflict. Use assertive behaviour rather than aggressive behaviour. Never hit below the belt by bringing up past incidents or faults. At times we are tempted to do that, but doing so will only earn an enemy. Always be calm. If you want peace, be peaceful. Pay attention to body language such as facial expres- sions and clenched fists. only with the issue at hand. The goal is to seek understand- ins, pot lope right, (10anme no "Early. I don't like shopping in large crowds." "I buy things all year round, not just right before Christmas." Stefan Dumitmrhe loanue Minor Remember that Mulroney's sum: wasn't defeated because ofthecoliapseoftheNDP.Theywmedekatedbemuseoftherol- 1apseoftheTbriesThethretienUbesalsdidn'tneedNDpvotesto defeat thekderaiTbries, and Dalton MLGuimy doesn't need NDP votes to defeat the Ontario Tories (who are engaging in a self- dtstructitmplttnoftheirownhWhatheneedstodoistopresenta "ediNeahernathetotheTbryagenda Hedidn't do thatin 1999 and he isn't doing it now. That's because, instinctively, Dalton McGuintyagmeswithmostoNhattheTbriesaredoing Ifth-hoh-homtedstratqgcvotinginthepastrealty tranttobestrategicinthenextelectiomlhavearealstmtegyf6r 1hermBelistifaboutthetuctthatthereisontyonepartyc the NDP--thatwilireversethedisttstrousprttitiesoftheHarris-eves govemrttent,AdmittttatthtuberuareNstasunwotthyorour voesetheTtFieswhosepotidestheymirnicwheninpower.Orrr paign1ikemadtogettheNDPekcted In the riding of kitthener-h%tedmx the liberal candidate spent the entire campaign trying to convince New Democrat supporters to vote for him, and succeeded with quite a few of them. He spent absolutely no time trying to convince Elizabeth Witmer supporters to vote Liberal The result? Witmer was reelected with 55 per cent of the vote The proportion of liberal to NDP voters means nothing if the Tory gets more votes that the rest of the parties combined. Thisis the second tirtalliawin thestrategic votingargument. You can'tjustsay, Tmtheguyandwe're thepartywhocandeftsatthe Tories" without doing anything to convince voters that the Tories should be defeated. Strategic voting diluted and obscured what should have the real message ofthe mmpaign:WhyTory policies must be reversed Tories Btit," the NDP simply married that another four or five years of Tory policies would be disastrous, regardless of who was imple- menting them. Sure, the Liberals changed their . " rhetorical stripes after 1995, but history M *’ tells us that liberals habitually campaign from the left and govern hom the right The record of the Chretien Liberals is SCOTT instructive -- articular] since large numbers of all voters deserted them in PMTKOWSKI 1993 in order to "defeat the Tories". Well, the Tories were certainly defeated. but was the agenda that they represented deféatmirWiss Free Trade cancelled? Was the GST abol- ished?Was drug patent legislation repealed? No, no and no (I could have picked any of three dozen other policies]. David Somerville, then-president of the National Citizens Coalition called the Chie- tien Liberals "the most conservative government in Canadian his- tory". So. what does this mean in terms of electoral strategy? Knowing the duplicity of the liberals. it would have been nothing short of morally wrong to endorse strategic voting in 1999... or to do so in 2003/2004. The objective is to change the direction of the govern» ment, not simply to change the faces of the people implementing the same disgusting policies. Some on the left have accused the The biggest fiaw in strategic voting was that it was based on a faulty premise: that there were two parties opposed to the Harris agenda The right wing nature of the 1995 Liberal Red Book was hardly surprising since the Liberals had opposed every single progressive initia, . - i - $] tive introduced by the Rae government \\ O ll ll IM, I ', (and, yes, there were many). They ‘ \‘I [tGll ‘ promised "a moratorium" on new social ‘ housing, an end to employment equity " and the repeal of NDP labour legisla- l * P". tt ‘ (ion... page after page of policies that ‘ Bil were right out the Common Sense Revo- . Tt c, i lution, - i ' ‘ BID? of_'oppririun_isiiftor {mining against both the, liberals and the Opponents of the Harris-Eves government are already arguing over the best way to ensure their defeat and, more importantly. the defeat of their policy agenda. Several months ago, teachers' union representatives in Guelph voted to back Dz Sandals, former chair of the Ontario Public School Boards Association and, until she decided that she wanted to run as a liberal. a card-carrying provin- cial Tory. The wisdom of that particular decision is questionable on its own but, taken as an indication of a possible larger trend, it's even more worrisome. let's look at how well the strategic voting argument worked in 1999. Most of the province perceived it as a message to "vote Uber- al". It succeeded in defeating New Democrats Marion Boyd and Tony Silipo but, as a strategy for defeating the Harrisites, strategic voting was a disaster. Whereas the Liberals ran as a supposed alter- native to Mike Harris, the NDP had a strategy for defeating the Har- ris agenda - not just defeating Harris. The McGuinty liberals. those Harris wannabes who feigned outrage every move that the Harrisites made, conveniently ignored the fact that they had run on a virtually identical platform in 1995. Premier McGuinty or Premier Hampton? ANOTHER , VIEW ‘\ i "f' tre-r" I _ p.,< i " i-" _ - i SCOTT PIATKOWSK]