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WATERLOO CHRONICLE The Waterloo Chronicle is published every Wednesday by The Fairway Group, a division of Sauthern Ontario Community Newspapers Inc., a division of Southam Publications, a Canâ€" West Company The views of our columists are their own and do not necessanily represent those of the newspaper. 75 King St. South, Suite 201 Waterloo, Ontario N2J 1P2 Publisher: Cal Bosveld 886â€"2830 Fax: 886â€"9383 Eâ€"mail: wehronicle@sentex.net â€" Kien Busveld Deborah Crandall Associate Publisher _ Editor, Ext. 215 Dwayne Weidendord . Gerry Mattice Group Sales Direcâ€" . Retail Safes Man tor ager, Ext. 230 Reporter, Ext. 227. Sports Editor, Ext Regional Classified _ Classified Manager Sales, 823â€"6617 Ueb Duffield Karen Dwyer Circulation Circulation Manager, Ext. 225 Assistant Ihe WaterIoo Chramicle welcomes letrers to the Iditar. They should be signed with name. address and phone number and will be verified for accuracy. No unsigned letters will be published: Submissions may be edited for length, so please be brief Copyright in terters and other mate tials submitred to the Publisher and accepted for publication remains with the author, but the publisher and its licensees may freely repro duce them in print. electronic or other forms Our mailing address is 75 King St. S , Suite 201. Waterino N2 1P2, our eâ€"mail address is wehronicle@sentex.net. and our fax number is 8869383 International Standard Serial Number Audited M circulation: 26.056 mnntiinm Andrea Baikes Canadian Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement Number Sales, Ext. 23 Norma Cyca Iynn Rartol Letters Policy ISSN DB32â€"3410D Cal Bosveld Publisher 1363794 Melissa Hounslow Laune Ridgway Advertising Sales, Ext. 222 Bub \ibanac 229 Yup. Dr. D scoops poop. What a job, no pun intended. But you can bet the physician of feces, a.k.a 33â€"yearâ€"old Paul Daigle of Cambridge, is making piles of money with his innovative busiâ€" ness. 1 mean, there‘d be no overhead in a venture like that, Whadda ya need? A car, garbage bags, and a shovel. Oh, and gloves. Big thick ones. Then you put the word out via signs on lamp posts, and Bob‘s yer uncle. I saw one of those signs the other day while driâ€" ving around town. And I thought that if I still had a dog, I‘d be asking Dr. D to make a house call. _ My dearly departed Ali was a golden retriever with a large bum, if you get my meaning. Jesse, now a grad student at York, dreaded spring when the snow melted and all the fecal matter surfaced. nd you thought you had a crappy job. Apparâ€" A:‘ntly. there‘s a guy in town who goes by the ame Dr. Doodoo, and he‘ll come to your home to scoop all the malodorous mounds your canine friend leaves in the backyard. She‘d be out there for hours, whining and moaning and saying things like, "gross" and "eeyewww". And I‘d be looking out the kitchen window, laughing and thinking how great it is to have a teenaged daughter. But now that Jesse‘s away at school, and I have no one to do things like shovel the sidewalk in winter and mow the lawn in summer, I hire people to do those things. The physician of feces has a truly crappy job So, again, if 1 still M CRANDALL fl had a dog, 1‘d certainly be dialing OK4â€"DO0DO (654â€"3636) and asking Dr. Doodoo to do his poopy scoopy thing. Dr. D actually got me thinking about some of the crappy jobs I‘ve had. Not this one, of course. This one is only occasionally crappy. But mostly, it‘s crapâ€"free. Let‘s see. I‘ve waited tables. But that‘s no big whoop. I know oodles of folks who‘ve dane the same. The work wasn‘t too bad and the tips were great. Way back in my high school days in Dundas, 1 had a summer job at a nursing home, where I‘d serve breakfast and lunch to the residents. Really, it wasn‘t a bad job. But one gentleman had a habit of coughing up phlegm into his napkin and then putting the napâ€" kin on his plate for me to clear. As a 15â€"yearâ€"old with an overactive gag reflex, it was just about the most revolting thing in my life â€" eeyewww. I took a walk around the office this morning and asked my partners in crime about the crappy jobs they‘ve had. 8 Andrea, reporter extraordinaire, once sold flowers on the street corner. You‘ve come a long way, girl. Composing Millie‘s mom used to make her pick and clean strawberries. To this day, the only strawâ€" berries in Millie‘s kitchen come directly from the produce section of Zehrs or Sobeys. _ Sales manager Gerry was once employed at Weston‘s where he worked in front of a 20â€"footâ€" wide oven, jacked to 450 degrees. Hot stuff, indeed. Sales rep Melissa manned the ice cream cart at African Lion Safari. Surprisingly, not a sweet job. Sales rep Norma used to catch chickens to be sent to market. Which brings me to intrepid sparts editar Bob, who wins the crappiestâ€"jobâ€"ofâ€"themn all award. He put himself through school working at a chicken "processing" plant. Nuff said VIEWPOINT aybe John Hendry figures to follow Mxhe example of Liz Witmer. After 18 years on the school board, he‘s served notice he‘s running for councillor in 2003. Now if other wouldâ€"be councillors declare themselves, we‘ll have a full field of candiâ€" dates. About as many as take part in the Boston Marathon each year. Onward and Upward: Well, Liz Witmer is still moving on up. Now she‘s reached the august rank of deputy premier, as well as education minister. That‘s some achievement for a smallâ€"town gal who was in turn teacher,â€"school board member and school board chairwoman. That has to strike you as ample preparation to be education minister. She‘s started on the right note by broadly hinting there‘ll be more moolah for schools. That she did at the same time as Premier Ernie, fulfilling a campaign promise, announced a bundle for new textbooks. Looks like Liz is still moving on up Aside from her school experience, Liz has other things going for her. Aside from her devoâ€" tion to the softâ€"answerâ€"turnethâ€"awayâ€"wrath school of legislature discourse, _____ she‘s not apt to rile the teachers. More than that, 1 suspect that teachers and legislators alike are weary of the wrangling and anxâ€" ious to get some sort of peace restored. Heaven knows, the public has long since had it with exchange of abuse. As noted before, Mrs. Witmer‘s answers to questions in the legisâ€" lature, both as deputy premier and education minister, are likely to be collectors‘ items. Nonâ€"flap Liz will answer all questions with civility, but someâ€" times with so complex a response that the Opposition will forget what the original question was On Second Thought: Last week I was a bit gloomy about PC prospects, but I‘m hBvâ€" ing some second thoughts. The worst thing the Tories face is a shortage of money, but that may not be so rough. If you kept your ears open to the seers, some of them see stock markets and the provincial cash regisâ€" ter aâ€"ringing, and that‘ll revive Tory fortunes. The odd thing about it is how the Liberals and the NDP as the Opposition seem to revel in recessions. If they revelled much longer, they‘d talk us into a fullâ€"blown recession. Things have got bad enough. For example, Snow White has had to lay off two dwarves, and one store has had a preâ€"fire sale. _ How Close? Jean Chretien haÂ¥ vowed that a U.S. command for North America won‘t impinge on Canada‘s sovereignty at all. We‘ll retain it, he said. #* That‘ll rest well with most Canadians except that it‘s an economic and manpower impossibility for Canada to safeguard the nation in its enti®ety. Given the worst circumâ€" stance, we‘d welcome the intervention of the U.S. forces. I hope we don‘t ever have to test the truth of that claim, but that‘s the way it would turn out. Our forces are fighting side by side in Afghanistan with one tragic result. The slaughter of four Canadians by an American bomb drop is one of the most addled instances of "friendly fire." It happens in every war, but this seems like a classic case of a triggerâ€"happy U.S. flyâ€" boy performing like a dolt. e He shouldn‘t be in charge of a U.S. Army wheelbarrow. Off the Rails: Most of Waterloo Region‘s councillors seem to be puffing on something stronger than tobacco these days. Now it‘s a proposal for a $265â€"million lightâ€"rail system. Add that to the new Kitchener market and to all the projects proposed for the core. And you can also add a Waterloo park project the name of which immediately escapes me. aormaneran The lightâ€"rail project that 1 ‘ would link St. Jacobs Market, JQVUSNE) | through the University of Waterâ€" TLY || loo and uptown Waterloo, to a ‘ new transit terminal in downâ€" | town Kitchener at the former PS | Epton industrial site. C__ Say, the promoters really got carried away on some ancillary DY features of the plan. Try these on RD for size: A "worldâ€"class" exhibition centre that could attract conventions and highâ€"tech trade shows. The $35â€"million cenâ€" tre would be integrated into a multiâ€"use transportation terminal, with an $11â€"million parking garage, and opportunities for nonâ€" profit housing, a hotel and a new aquatic centre. Whew! The only attraction left out is a lifeâ€" size model of Niagara Falls and a simulated sinking of the Titanic. The thing that gets me is the description of the exhibition centre as "worldâ€"class." When that adjectival phrase is applied to any proposed structure, it‘s time to take firm grip on your wallet. Still, the prospect of getting any serious dough from the feds is mighty slim. It‘s not as if the rail line would link two obscure Quebec hamlets. Something really significant like that. 6\ \\flmg/ / // Ni.‘ million cost is only to help build Phase One of the project. And without the feds pouring in money bigâ€"time, the railway is a nonâ€"starter. Now Mark This: The $265 cA [ \t