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WATERLOO CHRONICLE 75 King St. South, Suite 201 Waterloo, Ontario N2J IP2 Regional Classified . Classified The Waterloo Chronicle is published every Wednesday by The Fairway Group, a division of Southern Ontario Community Newspapers Inc., a division of Southam Publications, a CanWest Company. The views of our columists are their own and do not necessarily represent those of the newspaper. International Standard Serial Number Carolyn Anstey <<> SNKi Publisher: Cal Bosveld 886â€"2830 Fax: 886â€"9383 mail: wchronicle@sentex.net The Waterloo Chronicle welcomes letters to the Editor They should be signed with name, address and phone num ber and will be verified for accuâ€" racy. No unsigned letters will be published: Submissions may be edited for length. so please be brief. Copyright in letters and other materials submitted to the Publisher and accepted for publication remains with the author, but the publisher and its licensees may freely reproduce them in print. electronic or other forms. Our mailing address is 75 King St. S.. Suite 201, Waterloo N2] 1P2. our eâ€"mail address is wchronicle@sentex net, and our fax number is 886â€"9383 Letters Policy Canadian Publicauions Mail Sales Product Agreement Number 136379 Jim Alexander Gerry Mattice Director of Retail Sales Advertising Manager Cal Bosveld _ Deborah Crandall Publisher Editor Norma Cyca Audited circulation: 26,056 Lynin Bartol ISSN 0832â€"3410 Amy Hachborn Bob Vrbanac Sports Editor Laurie Ridgway Bill Karges What‘s life without a little embarrassment every now and then to add some colour. And lately, let‘s just say I‘ve had my share. The worst part is that these memorable episodes, which range from wee little misunderstandings to fullâ€"scale cataâ€" strophes in humiliation, for the most part weren‘t even my doing or my fault. 1 was just an innocent bystander as life decided to have big old laugh at my expense. Yeah, try telling that to all those who witnessed my blun ders. I must say though the people who were nearby at the time of my mishap were more than a little concerned about my wellâ€"being. And no one even cracked a smile about it in my presence. Mind you I bet their conversations during the car ride home were quite entertaining But in any case, I‘ve obviously lived to speak of these inciâ€" dents, so here it goes. As many of you who read my column a couple weeks ago know, I recently moved out of the comfort of my parents‘ home and into my own digs. Needless to say, life has been a little crazy; and yes I still need a set of kitchen chairs. Anyway, while on my way into the bank to transfer some funds to make my first rent payment, my boot decided to become better acquainted with one of those plastic ties that binds newspapers together â€" damn newspapers. While trying to maintain MYy | mm get in on the action. Obviously not the best dancer on the block, the only act I could manage was to put my hands in front of my face before flying into the side wall of the bank. While try balance, my get in on the Don‘t worry, I was okay. Just utterly and completely mortified, that‘s all. One night last spring, while I was on my way home from a funâ€"filled evening at the bowling alley (you wish you were as cool as me), a rabbit ran out in front of my car. Bang, thud, I‘m sure you can figure out what happened. Speaking of cars, my friends are still howling over one of the most traumatic experiences of my life which, of course, involved my automobile. _ â€" _ But the worst of the matter was that when the furry critâ€" ter hit my tire, it managed to shoot up in the air right in front of me. Yes, I‘m still in therapy over it. And the fact that it was just days before Easter was gravy for my friends‘ torment. According to them, 1 killed the Easter Bunny. Embarrassing enough for you? Oh, I‘m not done. ing buddy. Once we said our goodâ€"byes, 1 was so anxious to crawl under the blankets and erase the vision of dead rabbits dancing in my head that while backing out of the driveâ€"way, I didn‘t see the parked car across the street. Bang, thud, I‘m sure you can figure out what happened. Now, ashamed as I am to say this, my first instinct was to get the heck out of Dodge. But n00000000. My friend reminded me that if someone had backed into my car, through absolutely no fault of mine, I would appreâ€" ciate at least a note, along with an offer to repair the damage. So now I have two nicknames, EBK (Easter Bunny Killer) and Crash. I am thankful to report, however, that the most embarrassing story I‘ve ever heard had nothing to do with _ Yeah thanks Mother Theresa. Where were you when it came to forking out the dough? _ No seriousI; I know I‘m a better person for it. After all, it‘s not like 1 had anything to spend that money on. Why would I want a new stereo system? Last week 1 was talking to a friend who was laughing so hard she couldn‘t catch her breath. When I asked her what happened, she proceeded to tell me that while trying on winter clothes that had been gatherâ€" ing in her family‘s closet for years, her younger sister found a surprise in one of the mittens. Apparently one of her brothâ€" er‘s friends thought it would be funny to put an open conâ€" dom in the thumb. So when her sister pulled her hand from the mitten, out popped an early Christmas gift. Hearing that one, I guess I‘m not the only goof out there after all. At least my father didn‘t have to pull a condom off my thumb After taking out Thumper, I still had to drop off my bowlâ€" Can bunnies fly? trying to maintain my my other boot decided to VIEWPOINT c 10 jaoi ceuineu mure iUgital ingll d uUI i wl : a * § ~ly / eC P t sint PA eR C**~ )? / o# 2 \\wt _ A‘C i & Mss «. f & a & Nes MA . * The urge to splurge has struck recount has confirmed Doug Agraig as Cambridge mayor. He bviously masterminded his powerful Galtâ€"Prestonâ€"Hespeler politiâ€" cal machine to a smashing 26â€"vote majority. It‘s no wonder he‘s known as Landslide Craig. Man the Registers! For weeks Kâ€"W folks were on the verge of the urge to splurge. Now they‘ve gone and done it. So now the jolly old Yuletide shopping rush is well under way with stores jammed and parking lots plugged. And, oh yeah. The cash registers are tinkling their gladsome refrain. A lot of it comes from kids. Whoever said talk is cheap, never heard a youngster tell what he wants â€" f0l mm Christmas. And, as usual, y most kids have the same ONXCE philosophy: if at first you _ [R E@1 don‘t succeed, cry, cry |f i again! Incidentally, a tip for male shoppers, one Kâ€"W store is offering a diaâ€" mond _ pendant _ and matching earrings for $75,000. Gift wrapping is 50 cents extra. Tap Roots: Walkerton has water on tap again after _ more than _ six months of living on botâ€" tled water. The Walkerton folk have emerged as wonderful souls, willing to help each other and to suffer a huge inconveâ€" nience with surprising aplomb. Understandably, a lot of the town folk are chary of the tap supply. 0 No sir, not when they‘re haunted by the E. coli bacteria which swept through the town pipes killing seven and leaving 2,300 sick. The investigation into what went wrong has produced culpable people aplenty. The province, of course, for its pennyâ€"pinching staff reductions, but, more importantly, for its failure to enforce the regulation and to extend vital supervision. Town officials confessed their failure to learn much about the water operaâ€" tion, and surely ignorance can be no excuse Still, symptomatic of the mess the 1 figured, we live in Canada and it‘s winter.. He just seemed more logical than a dog / SANDY BAIRD operation was in was testimony by a foreman. His disclosures made the tragedy sound inevitable. It was not a question of whether; it was simply a question of when. It also underscored the tragedy in human terms. The foreman confirmed that he had no training and that he drank on the job. And he testified that he had helped fake water samples and falsify readings. He and others have already been punished for their dereliction. They will have to live the rest of their years with seven deaths on their consciences. Fiscal Exercise: Finance Minister Ernie Eves has won himself a plaudit or ... two in announcing he was po putting $1 billion of a $1.4 OMR | bittion surplus into reducing ‘IV the provincial debt. insl And please don‘t forget that governments seem able to come up with solutions that are more trou bling than the problems Big of Heart: Anyone who fears the milk of human kindness is curdling in Kâ€"W must take heart from the outpourâ€" ing of generosity over the Christmas season Big organizations and little all play their part in the massive effort. And happily the distribution of hampers is coordinated so that no family collects twice and, it is hoped, no needy home goes without. Still, the season presents a problem for most of us. No matter how bigâ€" hearted we‘d like to be, there‘s no way we can answer all Christmas requests for donations And talk about easy jobs, how about the guy who tuns the 100 Neediest Cases in Westmount? It‘s just as well. There‘s nothing like even the hint of a surplus to attract propoâ€" nents of every worthy cause with suggestions for spendâ€" ing the extra dollars. â€"Heaven knows, that‘s how we got so deeply in debt in the first place. â€" There‘s nothing that can spend like a government tryâ€" ing to be all things to all peoâ€" ple.