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WA‘I‘ERLUO CHRONICLE Carolyo Murry Amy liarhbam Chan-non Mun-ge- (lira-Inim- Tr, King Nt. South, Suite 20l Waterloo, Orttario N2) IPP. (A division of Soulham Int.) Publisher: Cal Bosveld Htli, iii“) Fax 88ri-H383 l muttl Wt hmnulvwwnwx m'l Hw news ol um Lululnists .ln- [In-u own and do um nvu'smrily n'pn‘wnl lhusr of thy "rm spam-r Maxim suttscriP1itru raw: we yearly in Canada. S9tt yearly outudeCanada Abi" (ummuoml Standard SH al Number "ivWaterloo tJuuruk Ir " pnllhshvd min-n “him-um} hy [hr ldlmnyhmup. "thvrsuututhuuttramlnt The Waterloo Chrome le welcomes letters to me Him" Thee should be signed wuh name. address and phone mum ber and wtll br vermed for arm vary No unsigned letters will he published Quhmlssmm may be edited Int length, so please he hrld Canny“ In Drums and other Minn-ls submitted IO the Pohhshrt and accepted (m puhlu-Ilmn wmalm with the author. but the publlsher and m [names may freely reproduce them m punt elerlmnlr m other In!!!“ Our mailing address " 7" lung St 9 Strtte 201 Waterloo Niy 1P2 our e-rnatl addrrw n wrhronttWernrex Mn and nm In nuva K M6 MM Letters Policy t dualllan Publrcatwrus Miul Sale: Pruduct Agra-mun! Numb-1 liih'JT‘l VI; Mr Carry Mama [Kronor at Sun Supervisor WEI-lg Lil Bosveld nebula]! l landall Wither him" Yymafyo Wining Win-g l mn Banal Audned orculanon mum: ass:- Lat' ltt"iN 01131 M IO Huh “me spans FAIR-r IN," Wilmv P!" kaptes or starters, let me tell you about the funniest Flhing I heard this week. Last Tuesday. our circulation manager and my good friend Carolyn [that's her over there to my right/your left, three heads down on the left-hand side) was driving her IO-year-old daughter Alyssa to school. "K1 r. Trudeau Jas a great man, wasn't he Mom?" Alyssa asked Carolyn, who nodded and said, 'Yes, he was a great man indeed." _ _ _ Carolyn came in to work that day chuckling. after of course explaining to Alyssa that the flag was in fact flying half-mast, not half-assed -- much to Alyssa's relief. ll was the morning of the funeral of the Right Honourable Pierre Elliott Trudeau, and Alyssa was telling Carolyn that they'd been talking about him in school and had studied some of the wonderful things he'd accomplished in his lifetime. She Giitated for a moment, pensively, and then queried, "Well if Mr, Trudeau was such a great man. how come they're flying the flag half-assed?" And over the past week I've found myself chuck, ling when the incident comes to mind. Good thing. too. I need a laugh every now and then. It's been 24 days, ll hours. 26 minutes and DEBORAH 32.452 seconds since my CRANDALL last puff. And I'm still as edgy as a Iong-tailed cat in a room full of rockers. All the information We read about nicotine withdrawal refers to this particular symptom as irritability. Me, I'm hoping that someday soon I'll progress to the stage of irritability. Cuz right now. I'm positively ballistic -- literally. Saturday morning something happened that infuriated me so much, I came dangerously close to throwing a stereo speak- er through the sliding glass door in my kitchen, What happened to P me off that much. you ask? Mike. I tell ya. It's a wonder he's still breathing and an even bigger wonder we're still cohabitating. Just recently -- rd say in the last 24 days, ll hours, 26 minutes and 32452 seconds -- the old boy has become a colossal pain in the lower back region. And what a bad time he picked to become a major pain in the patootie. what with me just quitting smoking and being very vulnerable and all. What a really unfortunate coincidence, Anyway. back to his crime of Saturday morning, He was going off to play in a golf tournament host- ed by the owners of his favourite watering hole The tournament was to he followed by a dinner and the dinner was It) be followed by much beer swilling and televised sports watching. He'd he gone for the entire day. the entire evening and much of the early hours ofthe next morning. (mod riddanre. lthnughl. But take the piece-ul- crap car and leave me the lena Warrior, I told him ft was the Ctrst day in ages I'd had all to myself and l wanted to take myself out on the town to pamper myself and spend obscene amounts of money. Something just occurred to me l'm going to gain 7,000 lb from all my withdrawarrelated piggmg out, and I’m gmng to drive away all my friends and loved ones because I'm so, um, irnla ble, My God, I'm going to end up a fat, lonely non smoker WWI). Mike left the letta Warrior and took the piece-of-crap car A along with BOTH sets of car keys I was stranded So Instead of spending a day on the town, I spent the day feeling sorry for myself and stuffing my face with all the had carbohydrates t could get my increasingly chubby little hands on, Anybody need a good laugh? 'iivr"1 'lf'::",))?']'? OINT Waterloo’s assured a mayoralty contest elI. the election signs are springing Wup on the lawns. and soon it'll be tough to separate them from a house up for sale. With Mike Connolly pitted against Lynne Woolstencroft, Waterloo is assured of a mayoralty contest. You'd have to give the edge to Lynne on the staff bonus issue. She was the one to question the wisdom of the Santa Claus mu. tine. Mike, of course, had been outspokenly foril. Of course, Mike has been outspoken on most things, Even his slogan, Waterloo First, sounds a little bumptious, doesn't it? It reminds me of what one critic said of the maxim, "My country right or wrong," and that it's similar to "My mother, drunk or sober." Burying the Bonus: Waterloo council- lors got an earful at the public hearing on employee bonuses, and while a councillor once described them as a "molehi0", he got a new insight of how big a mole can be. Only two in 100 spoke in favour of the bonuses. Tom Stockie, the city's chief admin- istrative officer, added some odd words. He said city workers are being abused over the benefits of the program. hence they should cease. l'll bet the plan wouldn't be ended if you polled the staff. After all, "Sticks and stones may break my bones." etc. The plan seemed ill-conceived and badly administered. Anyhow. tll still bet most of the bonus recipients would swap the insults for the bonus. Money may not be the key to happiness. but if you have enough you can get a key made. Post No Bills: It may sound niggardly. but the tax I hate most IS the one levied on postage stamps. Surely the stamps cost enough without the addition of a niggling tax, I suppose though the post omce will always be poorly regarded when there are some of us who remember when stamps were three cents apiece and you received twice-a-day delivery on weekdays and once on Saturdays, Once a Fibber: You'd think that Jean Chretien would have something better to do than make me out to be a fier He's going to do that by holding an election this fall Say, I mailed a package the other day and on it I carefully wrote PICTURES m DO NOT BEND A week later they arrived with a note that said YES, THEY DO. True he hasn't dropped the warrant yet. hut he's delivered the pre-election goodies to the maritimes. drafted a mini-budget that spells "Good News" and got all the other election trappings all so! Won't folks vote against him for calling the election too early? Not much, they won’t. The election has been mooted long enough to make it old news. Besides, the people not voting for him wouldn't be voting for him anyhow. The polls look encouraging and this buoyant economy won't last forever, The boost from the Trudeau death? Negligible at best. and will be fleeting, The NDP and PCs? They've fallen far, but it's hard to see them halting their plunge. And so it looks as if we'll be treated to anoth- er romance with the Grits. Ah well, Chretien can't be good for more than another three terms. By the way. a lot of the candidates will run out of money during the campaign. Great. Thal'll be great training for running the country _ The Alliance is trying hard, but it's not likely to deprive the Liberals of their majori- ty. Whether they'll gain the precious Ontario seats will be the big question. A substantial breakthrough is high on their wish list, Muscle Man: The three times I've seen Stockwell Day in TN blurbs. twice he's been chopping wood and the third time he was jogging, " too bad someone hasn't told him the Olympics are over. L... Ah well. It strikes me as the DY kind of issue that will have Canadians collapsing In laugh- m ter and paylng no attention to the Alliance's other eplc issues The liperrcent flat tax would richly ben. eftt the wealthy and do precious little for all others Down m the Excited States, even the nuttier of the nutbar Republicans have abandoned talk of a flat tax Among other things. Day would cut S6 7 billion from programs such as human resources. the CBC. regional development (like the Atlantic Canada Opportunities Agency) and Via Rail, He'd cut a bunch of taxes, and he also promised to slice the levy on gasoline taxes by about three cents a gallon and slash the tax on diesel fuel used by farmers and truck, And for his efforts in KW. all Day got was much applause and a suit full of chocolate milk Anyone who thinks that thrown chow late constitutes intelligent criticism should be measured for their own It) standing Seriously. he's running the blurbs in expectation of an elec. tion, Thal's why he doled out his platform in Kitchener the other night. It made quite an impression on the bald heads and the grey heads, but one thing he backed off on was the 1rper-cent flat tax. Apparently it's going to be left for his second term. Or even later on, .u, .. .1. ' ‘.mnm_mrh __ 'ataeg"r