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"Rick, are we planning a junket to the D...er. I mean Q-D tonight? If we are, I mutt a hot asphalt Cleveland Brownie delight." "What and. Mommy?" "Nothing Jordan," I intervene. "Your mother and I are just talking about the tooth.“ game this weekend with the Cleveland Browns. Personally,' I think N go potassium wild with a B-split. mum: the - of course." And on it goes. Drew, " 14 months. insists on Cheerios. If you buy President’s Choice Toasted 0's or whatever, they go right on the floor. I once tried to breeze NoNune applesauce by him, art.deyuduperingitonutrshirt. Julian, mnwhile. can draw the St. Hubert'e chicken, knows PimHutboeghettifiom-nyotherintheleAhughed upronriomlyoomingocroeeErbSt.W.theothernightbeoauae the Colonel': bucket atop the pole "had . baby." (Check that one 1,'.,11ttrf,)Ptol,aoiutttakirtgwamlaiatiuaiiii"JiTt Green Machine ant But fortunately. he in not yet into Nintendo or Ninja Turtles. Instead, ttu"hjmqy'teftamrrwithoutrrir.6iiiriGiiii Seamsumthoughl‘mnotoouvineedthatcbnncter him from Polka Dot Door won’t 'attliet lune lasting on him. HellmdyhuonBethandme.Infact,ho’anextonoureea-et decoder hit-list. PAGE q t WATERLOO W. WEDNESDAY. AUG What that means is that a thrmryearold and a 14-month old are totally cognizant of fast food trademarks. brand name products, TV shows that are “cool" to watch, and so on. All well .edii.nyi.froutplanningtoehiidGr% asteady diet of McDonald's bums. Fischer-Price toys (accept no imita- tam!), and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoons. Our theory, on the other hand, is everything in moderation. McDonald's yogurt sundaea once in a while, a Fischer-Price toy for Christmas. and conversation with the kids about how it's rine for others to watch Ninja Turtles, but, well, we can't afford the cable station (insert nose growing here) they're featured exclusively on. And so our daily existence. in attempting to bring up our children with healthy habits and attitudes (unlike our own). involves this series of secret messages. Twiaud, isn't it, when you think you speak in corny language so your 14-tnontlrold won't understand what you're saying. when, in his entire lifetime, he has never understand a word of plain and simple English you've uttered. Drew's first coherent word, we are positive, will not be Mama or Dada. it will be, as shocking as this may sound - Timbit. Yes, Drew can spot a Tim Horton toffee cup or Tim-bit bag a mile away. Tuck a bag of Bits under your windbreaker as you hop back in the ear and he will recognize the bag rustling. At which point he will engage in the following primal chant until you fill each of his little rum, with Dutchie Bits. "Eh, eh, eh, eh, MI, EH, MIHHHHHHHHHHH." To avoid this. Beth and I engage in the following pre-breakfast chatter, "Beth, would you like your regular caffeine a from the hockey player's house and your oatmeal raisin mushroom cap?" "Oh, tltat'd be great, Rick. And we're going on along trip this morning, so don't forget to score a few bullets from the Netherlands for Primal Man. Dr. J. meanwhile, has graduated to the full»blown spare tire, trglazed variety. And get what you want for yourself" I kid you not. my of our ameeraatiottg go this way. With Jordan, the guru ofnune brands, it's not as easy. Imagine us mung at the supper table And planning a Dairy Queen treat once the kids have been put to bed. Second quinia%oitration Number 6640 Published - Wednesday by The Funny Group Wand '15 “any Rd. B., mum. Oat. August 14, 1991 ymdop Chronicle !ythamilPithtdomrutoinvestins-taxmder, Because we've found lately, that when talking in the presence of our children. we have developed a language of our on. It stems from the fact that yes. guilty as charged, we are a family ofthe8N,tryingtomiuitiebistrii inthe90s. Straight talk on conversation with your kids THAT'S ME we W” ~478Ab0rtSt, _i'c"'a"i""oi"iii"9 'll'tSt, _ z b W Haunt-doc g .S0Wtmtmttqeti.tt,.t "i'ita7ii""iiiiiiiieRa tm." It .sortlteetteii.te-so