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Pat Arbuckle Thronicle Staff With wedding bells and promises long forgotten, one in three Canadian marâ€" riages will land in divorce court in 1985. judges to hammer out a divorce agreeâ€" ‘ment. Now through family mediation, they are «taking control of their own lives and Afutures. With the help of a mediator, they work out to their mutual satisfaction such jcrucial matters as custody of their chilâ€" dren, division of their property and maintenance payments. / Until recently, caught in the traditional adversarial system with battle lines drawn, couples left it to lawyers and *"I think the process is more humane. I «do believe it‘s going to become more wpopular,"‘ said Rosslyn Shortt, a Waterloo &sychologist who recently established â€"Ws only private practice dealing excluâ€" ‘sively with family mediation. Rather than being a new concept, Shortt ‘said mediation has been used for centuries ‘by many cultures as a means of resolving ; Humane way Its use in the divorce process began mbout 15 years ago in California where hwyers, judges, psychologists and social workers sought a more humane way of lending marriages, reducing anger and ‘emotional stress for all family members. Shortt describes mediation as a process .of resolving conflict, related to separation .or divorce, in which a trained third party ‘assists couples to reach their own agreeâ€" . ment. _ Although reaching a consensus is the | primary goal of the process, mediators ‘ also try to reduce conflict between the I munliuad nurtinc and in mast easms this ‘"The number of people who were getting divorced escalated," Shortt explained, ""and a large number of people Were dissatisfied, both with the basic funâ€" :damental substance of the law and the adversarial process." Family mediation humane approach to divorce woes She added that the main impetus for change however, was a concern for children who, too often, were caught in the middle in a divorce conflict. Family mediation was introduced to Canada by Howard Irving, who operated the Conciliation Project at the University of Toronto. Locally, couples have been helped to resolve marital conflict through mediation provided on a limited basis by Rev. Arthur Waters, director of Interfaith Pastoral Counselling Centre in Kitchener and John Wine of University of Waterloo‘s Counâ€" selling Office. involved parties and, in most cases, this second objective is realized even if the couple never come to an agre¢ement, Shortt Resolives contflicts Before they begin working with a mediator, both husband and wife are asked to consult a lawyer so that they are fully aware of their rights and they are encouraged to return for advice if they have any questions. "They need to have confidence that their rights are not being jeopardized by the proceedings,"" Shortt explained.. _ Before discussion begins, the couple must agree upon a set of ground rulesâ€" that they disclose all information pertinent to the divorce, for example, or that they allow each partner to finish what he/she is saying without interrupting. Impartial Crucial to the whole process, Shortt said, is that the mediator remain completely impartial since he/she is, in effect, working on behalf of the whole family. "If clients don‘t see you as impartial, you can‘t do what you want to do for them," she explained. After matters have been resolved with the help of the mediator, the formal divorce agreement is then drawn up by a lawyer. Shortt feels that mediation has advanâ€" tages both for the divorcing couple and the whole family. Because of their counselling experience, often mediators will be able to offer practical suggestions on ways of dealing with problems the couple is experiencing because of the divorce or put family members in touch with agencies and resources available within the community which can provide assistance. Using the adversarial system, where each party is represented by a lawyer, negotiations could last as long as 18 months before a settlement is reached. During that time, the whole family is in turmoil and parents are often unable to meet their children‘s emotional needs, she said. In mediation, most agreements are reached within fiveâ€"toâ€"10 hourly sessions, and because one mediator is hired to represent both parties, the cost of negoâ€" tiating a divorce settlement is significantâ€" ly reduced. Most mediators charge $40 to $60 per hour, a cost that can be shared between spouses. ‘‘The decisions, the conflicts are over more quickly and family members can get on with their livesâ€"they are disrupted for less time," she said. More important, Shortt feels, is the pnot | quality of the mediation process. Because _ gaig., husband and wife have to sit down togethern to work out their differences, they become aware of the needs of other family members, of particular importance when dealing with child custody. Sh coup ‘"Rather than ending up hating each divo other, they end up understanding the needs _ mar of each other and the family and they learn _ prob a model for resolving cenflict they can use _ cont! Aware of needs in the future," she said. Because the couple are authors of their own divorce agreement, Shortt also beâ€" lieves they are more likely to respect its terms and, should problems occur, return for further mediation. She cautions however, that mediation is not for everyone. Couples entering mediation should be ready to put aside their anger and be willing to compromise so an agreement can be reached. People unable to control their anger, those with psychological problems or ‘The decisions, the conflicts are over more quickly and family members can get on with their lives â€" they are disrupted for less time."‘ couples who have not reached a mutual decision that divorce is right for them are not likely to succeed in mediation, she marital counselior. In some cases, the divorce, he/she may refer them to a continues, Shortt said. WATERLOO CHRONICLE, WEDNESDAY, FEDRUARY 20, 19865 â€"â€" PAGE &5 applied psychology, worked at the Comâ€" munity Mental Health Clinic in Gueliph and Victims Services for the Waterloo Regionâ€" al Police prior to becoming interested in family mediation. She recently completed a family mediaâ€" tion course at the University of Toronto and plans to operate the practice from her Anita Crescent home. Mediation sessions will take place in a Union Street office. Although Shortt is convinced that mediâ€" ation is the way of the futureâ€"in Califorâ€" nia it is now compulsory in cases involving custody of children and visitationâ€"she acknowledges that because of the newness of the field, there are still problems to be worked out. At present, although most mediators are lawyers, soqcial workers, psychologists or family counsellors, because there are no En(udoul standards of accreditation, terally anyone could open a practice. The Ontario Association for Family Mediation, of which Shortt is a member, is currently establishing a code of ethics and currently establishing : _ For more information on family mediaâ€" tion, contact Rosslynn Shortt at 886â€"1919. Shortt, who holds a masters degree in Rosslyn Shortt