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“(mnquI-nwna '_aaEh--.ATmu9Cytyq0tNqta' “”1 W184 i” To be sure the weather we have experienced this summer has been some of the best wehe seen in a long, long time, ironic isn't it. that the same sum!) ' hot conditions we crave lot exer) weekend escape are playing a significant role in restricting our enjoyment of it, It was east to remain detached from the situation when beaches were first closed alone the Lake Ontario shoreline in Toronto. a body of water that has carried a cesspool image for years But when the signs started going up at Guelph Lake. then Laurel Creek and Shades Mill, it was time to sit up and take notice And when Grand Bend and surrounding resorts fell victim too a fortnight ago. vacationers stayed away in droves, preferring sweltering city conditions to in er. earaches. nausea and so on associated with the risk of swimming in polluted waters The ideal conditions are also "idea!" it seems for the acceleration of the contamination of our.lakes This is due to high levels of fecal coliform pollution, a situation caused by human and animal pollution. litter and secondary runoff. factors which have loomed large in the summer of "his due to the enormous numbers swarming to beaches in the area and in surrounding resort havens ' The public cutcr.1 to clean up the lakes rings out loud and clear, men tivougii the situation is largely to blame on natural conditions it nothing else. the dilemma has taught us to treat our bodies of water as werial gifts not to be abused, There is nothing like a refreshing dip at the beach on a hot summer day. and nothing sadder than seeing those 1ery beaches lie deserted News this day ittdicates that the efficiency of Canada Post has taken another 'step {onward Figures dictate that 89 per cent of our mail was delivered on time in the first quarter of 1983. up one per cent on the same time last year, Actually we urge the post office not to get much mont- efficient than that, We can think of at least a down caseh last year when we told bill collectors “the cheque} in the mail". and feel no compelling desire to root up other PM'USRS for our tardiness . NEXT person, of either wx. who comes up lo me and smiles "Did you have a nice summer?" is going to get a punch in the gut, _ - V _ I haven't had a nice summer since I was " years old. And this was no exception. apart from the magnificent weather that burned my Lawns to toast, So. Great summer days, one after another, Meal beach weather. Lying on the sand. thinking of Mung Turning into rare steak, which I do. Then a plunge into some of the only clean water left in North America, aside from a patch whvrr somr idiot has washed his or her hair. or a patch of oil wbere some retard has smashed too close to the beach. Out Nice, but definitely out, according to the doctor, who says I have a perforated eardrum, and swimming is a rho-nu Eva had a 'aersoratofeardrum? It's my second. The first was in the air force, when I dived from MMt00 leet w I” with a bad N Symptoms? sharp pain. almost total deaatussinttwear,andafeetingatrttaoutttt it were {all of new. Have you ever bend at 8AtqEMNWe giving himself a .eefstratatd eardrum try swam On the beaches 'iii-:-"-, Better letters BILL SMILEY pm my My by Funny Puts. a Mason ot tutct-r-tht+to Record Ltd. cm 225 Funny mrs.. Knob-nu. Om mumm-mmum ~~~ LII-WWUOIIM .3...) wan-m- ummy Curacao-1w“. can... 05‘“)va “Mahmud-din “was: t um In 112.1va W‘u a ttorse-th so hard that he bust his eardrum and didn't even touch the fly which was almost finishing the chewing off of his right ear-lobe? Now you have, Nice iummert his béen amen old friends. Two grandboys for two weeks. Paradigm. right? - -- f U Oh, they've improved. They hardly ever break anything any more. just for the [an of it. Now, they do it accidentally “Oh. it broke, Bill.“ Somehou. they haven't managed to complewly disable any major appliance in But every little silver cloud has its lead lining. Each of them ettttr more than their Gran and I t WI”. When they're arm. it's “B: being a monomer cook. After Wee bow/la of cereal, topped with bananas or some other exotic fruit, I ask. handy: "Anything else, boys?" Well. it Wow that t',ntghtf,',tt,"it1t “anaemic We“: not stung with two pieces. eachofwau smothered in peanut ttutter and honey. Ltt's (use! the orange juice and mite, it's only money, "tr car't [take it with TI,, their no drudcdly. They SWfl. up. teat Mater Pull Wile! I took out an armful of (library) books, our of which was Bonsai for Amateurs When I got home that wax the first book that t looked at and I Iwwr ttot back to ttus diefenbachiaC Summer? Baht It is written Went down and started their breakfast. Ten minutes later went backup and found them sound asleep Made loud cheery noises about “getting cracking" Only thing that cracked were the eggs I was getting for breakfast. Back win. and hauled them, literally, out of . They slept-walked their way through dressing land they can never find their shoes) and next thing I heard. while I was making their Wealth“. was the TV on. This time. I didn't make cheery sounds l believed Down they ct5me, swotuureyed and outer. It was only after two bowls of breakfast load that they became slightly human. From there on, it's Twenty Questions time, They: “I can't find my towel, Grandad. Where's in swimming wit, Bill? I've Qri"c,dhllll'l"Jl"ur'fliA'la',ev: Why do we have to at up so early? Which around, about ti a.m . hungry, when l felt like a sack of wet oat-s, Now, it's digging a tsell. The other morning, I'd done my ablutluns. Woke up the boys, who stand at me 'dtr' though they'd been on dope for two weeks, Told them to get cracking. TALKS “I If Its Balind's lunch? Which is Nikov'a lunch? no we bane eat an apple again today? Why don't you just give Utr' the money to buy our own pop tor lunch? Will you mute my shoeuces?" By the time they get home from day camp. they're may little guys, bri t, witty, ready to play games, even 'itll'?,',, which throws Gran and me into can usion. They help set the tabla and are ready to talk philosophy, economics, or about that bully in their class. By 9:20. bedtime, thug/We become the ultimate in diplomacy. hey can stretch that out to 10:30 by a devious number of tricks too miscellaneous w menthm. and maybe that's why they're such utter “was in the morning. _ Yes, ree h.“ a ttrand bummer. Good tteta. seriously ill, Good colleague mung a mole heart out. And day! an post lumen. Eh? By the time they've finished breakfast. and good old Bill, the butler. has packed their towels, swim suits, sweater and lunch in a shopping bag, they're almost Bonsai hobbyist Eldon Leis on how he barium- interested in the an n SEE PAGE 3