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Millions of people all over North America are payâ€" ing between $3 and $4 to feel sick to their stomachs. According to one Toronto columnist, many of these misdirected souls actually fail to retain the contents of their stomachs. In short, they barf. The $3â€"$4 is the admission price to a motion picture. Specificaly, it‘s a motion picture called Alien and it deals with the crew members of a spaceship who are forced to do battle with aâ€" nasty visitor from another planet. R C The release and immense popularity of Alien conâ€" firms something that I started feeling when Linda Blair chucked pea soup all over an illâ€"fated priest. That is, the art of making good horror movies has fallen by the wayside. Under most circumstances, I‘d say these people were suffering from a case of empties. (In the head.) But there‘s more to it in this case. _ In the course of the battle, a good deal of blood, enâ€" trails and human limbs are flung back and forth. _ > And yes, I know the NDP made a big bid for the women‘s vote by demanding all sorts of things for women â€" which already exist, except in the minds and businesses and hearts of the male chauvinistic empire that still rules this country. Where was the women‘s movement? Where were the women candidates? Where was the surge of feâ€" minist emotion and rhetoric that could have swept the election? Did you hear the faint sound of a fizzle, as I did? â€" True, there was a scattering of women candidates. mostly, except for the few cabinet ministers. in ridâ€" ings where they didn‘t have a hope in Hades of winâ€" ning. S â€" Oh, yes, I know. Thousands of women were out working for their local candidate, probably far harder than their male counterpoints, or their reluctantlyâ€" draggedâ€"along husbands. What‘s wrong with the women on this continent? They talk a lot. but when it comes down to voting. they cast either: with their husbands. ©~Because I don‘t know anything about politics," for Pierre Trudeau because Margaret has deserted him or against Truâ€" deau because she has declared her independence. for Joe Clark because he seems a bit slow and ‘"‘needs a chance" or against him because he has jowls and no sense of humour . for Ed Broadbent because he seems One thing that was peculiar, among many others, in the recent election, was the shortage of female power. Where was it? But when it comes to women in politics, this country is still in the boondocks. and election results show it The reader preference survey results are pouring in and the current figures show editorials and letters to the editor leading all other section$ of the newspaper. While waiting for a further flow of ballots to inundaâ€" te our office staff with intimate details of Waterloo‘s reading habits, we thought you might like an update on the poll results. In answer to last week‘s question ‘*who the hell reads editorials anyway?‘‘ editorials are now in the number one spot, with the letters to the editor running a close second. World and local news is coming up fast on the rail, about a length and a half ahead of the columns. Entertainment is in the number five slot. The surprise long shot so far is sports as it trails the field. Apparently food ads and the comics were scratched. Now I don‘t necessarily have to agree with the news, I just get the job of reporting it. While I have great respect and gratitude for members of the public who respond to this type of poll I can‘t help but quesâ€" tion public input that would put editorials ahead of columns. * Everybody knows that editorialists are writers of dull, gloomy, serious lectures that tell us all the things we should or shouldn‘t do, whereas columnists are funny people who write about funny things. I always suspected that editorials were written by the same brand of computers that write the Dear Abby and Ann Landers columns. Undoubtedly there has been a bit of a distortion in the importance of world and local news due to the recent federal election. Howeversnow that Joe Clark has officially become our leader and the tumult and the guffawing is beginning to subside, the columnists That art has been replaced, I believe. by the realisâ€" According to Hoile In the mysterious East, where women are supposed to cringe around in veils, subservient, waiting for a kick in the rear or another impregnation by the macho male, we have had a prime minister in Sri Lanka (Ceylon to you oldâ€"timers) and India. Both have been tough, charming, ruthless. like a younger, or older brother who speaks out and is cute, in a sort of homely way. Where in the holy world are the incisive, emotional, hardâ€"thinking, straightâ€"forwardâ€"looking women of The Movement? They‘ve turned into a bunch of plain old women, that‘s where. Of course, the Brits brought up on the idea of a Nanâ€" nie. respond well to a female boss. Elizabeth the First was probably their favorite monarch of all time â€" the Virgin Queen. Victoria established an era named after her: morals, manners, hangâ€"ups. Elizabeth II is a model of decorum, good sense, and hard work,. vastly admired despite the attacks of a few antiâ€" monarchists. In the notâ€"soâ€"mysterious Middle East, we had a tough charming and ruthless Golda Meir, who ran one of the most abrasive and beleaguered countries in the world â€" Israel â€" for a few years. Back to the point. Where was Women‘s Lib when the election campaign began? Leaders of all parties were males. At least as far as plumbing goes Even the ultraâ€"chauvinist (male) Brits have elected their first female prime minister in history, and there‘s evidence that she‘ll do no worse, if no better, than her male predecessors. Maggie Thatcher. Is Canada a pale shadow of the U.S.. where the thought of a female president would turn half a nation white overnight? Surely not. Then how explain the sound of silence from les dames de notre pays? Alfred Hitchcock has the right idea. In his classic horror films like Psycho and The Birds. he capitalized on our collective fear of the unknown rather than many people‘s attraction to gore. & To me a good horror movie is one that keeps you on the edge of your seat. waiting to close your eyes. at the appearance of The Thing, or the Count, or Franâ€" kenstein‘s monster, or the mummy or anything else that goes bump in the dark. * Frankenstein‘s monster didn‘t have to disembowel people to be scarry. Count Dracula didn‘t have to rip out his victim‘s throat to be frightening. These classic creatures of horror simply had to appear from a dark corner. That was enough to scare the hell out of me, should be able to give the newsroom a run for the money. . : I‘m surprised that entertainment is so far back in the standings. That‘s either an indication of changing trends in music. art and culture in general, or a crushâ€" ing indictment of. the coverage Waterloo has been getâ€" ting lately. Watching someone get torn to pieces is more revoltâ€" ing than terrifying. I think movie makers who use animal blood. enâ€" But sports in dead last position is the big surprise. I don‘t believe the residents of Waterloo, on average, turn to the sports pages as a last choice There are possible explanations for this misleading statistic in our readership poll. To begin with, it just occurred to me that sports fans probably don‘t read my column and as a result don‘t even know the big survey is going on. As a second thought, we might consider that the editorial fans are the big spenders whereas the sports aficionados are holding back their votes because of the $20 bill ballots we use. To make the survey more democratic we are willing to permit the sports fans to send their votes on the back of $4 bills provided they promise to send one for every member of the family. The following model reply from a Kitchener resiâ€" dent not only lists the reader‘s preferences. but folâ€" lows the rules in doing so: Dear Mr. Hoile. In reply to your column of May 30, 1979 I have enclosed as requested a $20 bill with my preferences in newspaper sections on the back. I sincerely hope that you are not implying that the intelligence of your readers is somewhere between preschool and Grade one. Alien is billed as a horror film ‘‘In space, no one can hear you scream *‘ (or barf). is the motto that appears with advertisements for the multiâ€"million dollar proâ€" ject. * Personally, I cannot associate a good horror flick with feeling sick to my stomach. tic use of blood and guts. I just don‘t understand it. We males are harped at â€"Howard Elliott Bill Smiley Sincerely, Nancy Forsythe. Kitchener By Geoff Hoile : Waterion Chronicie, Wednesday, June 6, 19780 â€"Page 7 â€" * > trails and pea soup to hold their audience are making up for‘a lack of ability. . A Canadian filmâ€"maker named David Cronenberg is a good. example. He‘s produced three films, Rabid, Squirm and his latest effort. The Brood. All follow the same pattern. That is, their purpose seems to be to showhowmanyterribletlfingscanhagpentoaperson â€" in graphic detail.â€" 7 Now I have no objection to films like The Brood; ~The Exorcist and Alien. People who want to see them will, and those â€" like me â€" who don‘t care to pay money to feel‘sick don‘t have to. and nagged at, and niggled at. And when the women have their big chance, what do they do? They make coffee and sandwiches. They are much better at organizing their time. None of these threeâ€"martini,. threeâ€"hour lunches, at which nothing is settled except that everybody‘s a jolly good fellow. They‘d probably open government offices at 8 a. m., which would immediately solve the problem of a swollen civil service. Half the incumâ€" bents would drop dead within a week. They have a nasty habit of insisting that things be done, done right, and done right away. This too, would create, almost overnight, a new Canada. They will fight like tigre§es to look after their own If we had a dominantlyâ€"fémale government. they‘d probably hang on to the few industries Canada still controls, and barefacedly demand from foreigners that they give the others back If women could get organized, politically, they‘d have more vote power than all the farmers, unions, fishermen, and all the other groups the polls court so assiduously. Quirky, isn‘t it? From personal experience, with sisters, a mother, a wife, a motherâ€"inâ€"law, a daughter, and various female acquiantances, I know, absolutely, that women could run this country far better than men. They are less sentimental, physically tougher, morally more inâ€" tergral, emotionally more compassionate, financially more abler. At least my women are. . They are less concerned with making everybody happy. They go to the point, rather than around it. They probe. Oh, how they probe, into sensitive areas that most weak males skirt. And what a blessing to have them in Ottawa. runâ€" ning the country, and letting our weaker sex get on with a bit of golf. fishing. hunting What does bother me is that films such as those are freely labelled horror stories. Writing horror and making horror films is â€" or was â€" an art. Edgar Allen Poe,.. H.P. Lovecraft. Mary Shelley and many others knew how to use all the elements of gothic horâ€" ror without overt violence, gore and sensationalism So when Alien opens at local theatres, I‘ll be at home leafing through the TV guide, hoping to find a late night showing of The Phantom of the Opera. Curse of the Werewolf or another old favourite. If there isn‘t one on the tube, maybe I‘ll open a conâ€" cession at some area movie house. Think $1 is too much to charge for barfâ€"bags? Dear Nancy, It‘s not exactly what I had in mind, but we‘ll count your ballot anyway. P.S. I haven‘t given much thought to the ages of our readers other than that I test my column on my daughter before I send it in for printing. and she starts kindergarten next September. ~ World & Local News Columnists Entertainment Sports (when all else is exhausted) Editorial Letters to the Ed _:_:‘W:{_‘,/:A‘.,*_h-_-â€"\â€"_â€":);:,, mz § P wipuir uids P l:l § f ' loof} . E l 4?1‘ f i P pave ,,“f ( \\‘. 3 '»‘ L is s F EM PcC Prwinn ie t Th h + on oo on l Pm Note: . I have never read the cartoons, I prefer to watch them N. Forsythe ‘itchen__