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This is the time of year that everybody wishes somebody Ttee, do something about. but nobody does The Ides of rch. Some people think the Ides are little creatures like Iepre- chauns who bore holes in your "rubbers and whisper into tou' ears that that 18-inch puddle won't go overthe tops of their six-inch rubber boots. Others, like my wife, think they are malevolent beings who enjoy scaring the liver out of you. The other night. there was a great rumble, a crash, and all the lights went out. I thought it was maybe the second coming. She leaped a foot. “it's the Ides ot March," she screamed. Ash matter of fact, it was the ice off the roof, which tore away the main 'cable into the hou,se. But it could test as well have been the Ides. _ Around the first of March, we decided we'd start cross- country skiing. Bought two sets of skis, boots, the works. It rained for the next week. That was the Ides. It's been going on for at least 2,000 years. Its first victim of any import was Julius Caesar. . Now, Big Julie was no slouch as an emiieror. He had, in his day, a bigger empire than Queen Victoria had, although he wasntt as fat. "He had a penchant for over-running and over-hearing. He over-ran the Spaniards, the French, the Germans. the Brit- ish and the Belgians. not to mention the Mobs, in the east. A _ And he over-heard. It was his custom to prowl among the campfires at night, and listen to his disgruntled veterans. He didn't bother much with the gruntled veterens. _ He did it, of course, incognito. He wore a kilt, extra-long, to cover his pot and his knees. On his head, to mask his baldness. he wore a German helmet, captured in the epic battle of Scheissinkellar. His chest was disguised by a chest-disguiser, captured from an Amazon chieftainess who had Joined Women's Lib and decided to go braless. tit is tempting for the dedicated historian to digress here, but I will make only two concise points. One, the Kilt was stripped from a Scot who had strayed south to found the Bank of England, had been conscripted into the army of the Ancient Britons and had died gallantly, shouting "Us- quebaugh and Andrew Carnegie!" The helmet had been torn from a dead squarehead and was rather uncomfort- able until Julius discovered that the cow's horn on the front. was hollow, and contained 13 ounces of schnapps. From that time on, he found it comfortable. Of the Amazon breast- works. i will say" nothing. There‘s enough sex and violence. in history, without dwelling on it. Besides it is, or was. pointless.) fl __- j At any rate, strolling anonymously (“Ohl Oh!, here comes Himself!") he over-heard the rumblings of discon- tent among his troops. It was rather difficult to distinguish them from the other rumblings associated with the'rude and licentious soldiery, but he had a Trained Ear as well as a Roman Nose. __ He and his legions had just put down the seventh uprising by some Belgian tribe. -One grizzled veteran was heard to say: "Belgians, Bel- gians! rm sick of looting Belgian towns. All they got is gloves and tapestries. My old Trouble 'n Strife back ‘ome 'as 32 pairs of kid gloves an' enough tapestries to make a shawl for the Sphinx." A third veteran legionary, even more grizzled than the other two, concurred. "Right. An howbout that there Bel- gian beer. So watery-ya gotta drink it in the latrine or yer caught short. rd give my tooth to get a whack at some Limeys or Frogs or Krauts fer a change. Wooden even mine goin' backta Iddaly and wipin' up somma them Wops we're workin' for. 'm . _ Anothér veteran, equally grizzled. agreed. "Me too. And them Belgian broads: I swear they got fetlocks. In another 1,500 years, they'll be 'iallin' 'em Percherons._" _ _ -. -.. tit might be noted, in the interests of historical accuracy, that the third legionnaire, like so many of them. was not an ancient Roman. He was an Old Pole. who had been coh- scripted after he had been shot out from under his horse during an attack on Wvbldnschvtz. i Anfway, overhearing his grizzled. grizzling ,veterans. Caesar decided to act. He made a speech to his legions that Daily 10 a.m. - 7 p.m. Except Thursday 10 a.m. - 4 p.m. Saturday 4:30 - 11 :00 p.m. Sunday " Noon - 10:00 p.m. 2 I“ “with Monday and chncduy 7:009:00 um FAMILY BOWLING Daily 4:00 - 6:30 p.m. - " Game (except Thursday) SENIOR CITIZENS BOWLING " PH“ Ti. Wait WATERLOO BOWLING lANES Pumas St. Watst 742-9582 or 742-780 BOWLING , ' Smiley Fridays at 1 :30 p.m Gov Information can 1PEN "i""Psti'_.eu:K.it".N.ra."e. 115-3323} ydtThro, J had them in tears. This was after a double rum ration. Then he put down the Belgians for the eighth time. and to make his intentions clear, cut off the right hand of each male Bel- gian. This was the origin of the phrase "putting me down" and also the reason you see so many left-handed Belgians. Perhaps we'Ve strayed a bit. Very well, back to the Ides of March. One day, early in March. back in 16 tor was it 'l7?) B.C.. Julius was on his way to the Colosseum to make sure everything was in order, for the Games. He had al- ready checked with Zeus and Mayor Drapeau, but you nee- er know, do you? _ ‘ He was in his chariot, with hiswife, California. She was attended by her maid, Florida, and on the "inning-board were three old fiends of Caesar: Cassius, Nausious and Brutus. Suddenly, a stentorian voice rang out, as stentorian voices do. Some ring out like a great, bronze bell. Others just ring out a sort of ding-a-ting. . - This was a tiearded, ding-a-ling type stentor. "Beware theUegot March! " he triiled. Unfortunately. Caesar was deaf in one ear. He thought the sooth-sayer (that's what they called the ding-a-ling in those days), was a soap salesman with a new jingle. some- thing about washing with Tide and starch. Naturally, he waved him away, muttering something about California us- ing nothing but arctic power. . - The Ides are upon us l. AFRICAN LION SAFARI DATES: Mon. Mar. 24- (1-4:30p.m. ) orThurs. Mar. 27- (l-4:30p.m.). AGES: 6 to 13 yrs. old. COST; ONLY $3.00 {ONTARIO SCIENCE CENTRE - TORONTO DATE: Tues. Mar. 25- (10230- 5:30 pan.) AGES: ' to 16 yrs. old COST: Only $4.00 3. NIAGARA FALLS TOUR including WELLAND CANAL. AMERICAN BORDER CROSSING. VISIT TO MARINE ACQUARIUM 1N NIAGARA FALLS. Mar. 24th Waterloo Bowling Lanes Special Rate Morning and Afternoon during Holidays 8120 for 3 games. Shoes Included. Phone 742-9582 for times. Mar. 26th Mar. 27th N.B. The above trips are on a first come basis. PHONE COMMUNITY SERVICES at 576-2420 - Mon.- Fri. between 8:30 - 4:30 pan. to book a seat. Tickets must be picked up in advance. Phone either Waterloo Library - 745-6119 or Parkside Library 885-1920 for details on children's movies, story hour, songs. etc, EASTER HOLIDAY HAPPENINGS . IN WATERLOO N.Y. etc. DATE: Wed. Mar. 26th (9:30-5:00p.m.) AGES: 9 -16 yrs. did COST: $6.00 _ FREE ICE SKATING CHILDRENS SCHOOL HOLIDAY BUS TOURS Waterloo Family "Y", Lincoln Rd. Morning & Afternoons on Mar. M, 25, 26th COST f25c per child Phone: 885-3500 for specific times. CHIlDREN'S SWIMMING WATERLOO LIBRARY HOLIDAY PROGRAMS Springer Arena 2-4 p.m. 2-4 pm. 2-4 p.m. 5 PIN BOWLING Waterloo Arena . No Skating b4 p.m. 2-4 p.m. 2-4 pan. Albert McCormick Arena "3:3iN5:30 2-4 p.m. 24 pan. 2-4 pm. Wm mm, tltNdrrsr9r,A9_r_rtt_u1._tlmi- Eq- 27 S-WEEK CHINA PAINTING CLASS: ONLY $7.50 Thursday Nigttts-7:304t:30p.m. _ April 3rd to May lst Phone 576-2420 Ext. 60 to register. ALL ADUJirfitlEracSDrE, -ee - - FAMILY SKATING - Family skating is being introduc- ed at Moses Springer and Albert McCormick Arenas. The times specified below will be restricted to families only. During family skating, family shall mean a par- ent and 'their children. The parents must. be in the arena the entire time the children are present. _ FAMILY COST: MOSES SPRINGER ARENA - 1st and 3rd Sunday of each month. 3:30- 5:30p.m. ALBERT MCCORMICK ARENA - 2nd and 4th Sunday of each month, 3:30 - 5:30 pm ' SATURDAYS SUN DAYS MIXED BADMINTON Tuesdays 8-10 p.m. - BLUEVALE COLLEGIATE Sundays 6:30-9:00 pm. - WATERLOO COLLEGIATE (Cancel WCI on March 23 & 30 due to floor repairs) FRIDAYS "Meat Cuts & Dollar Stretchers" with butcher Robert Chisholm. THURSDAY: March 20 - 1 p.m. Babysitting provided. Location: Adult Recreation Centre, Information Call Project N.I.P. 745-065t. CITY OF WATERLOO SUMMER MINOR SPORTS REGISVHATIONS -BASEBALL -BOYS SOCCER - BOYS SOFTBALL . _ GIRLS SOCCER - GIRLS SOFTBALL l. SAT. MARCH 29th-10 -3 pm. at Waterloo Arena. 2. SAT APRIL 5th-10- 3 p.m. SUN, APRIL 6th -1- 4 p.m. itt Moses Springer. Albert McCormick and Waterloo Arenas FREE INCOME TAX ASSISTANCE - Adult Recreation Centre - Mon. & Wed. during March and April. 1:00 - 4:00 p.m. By appointment only. Phone 579-1020 for information. LADIES AUXILIARY is having a dance on April 5th at 9:00p.m. at the K of C Hall- Waterloo. Phone 743-4043 for advance tickets. $4.00 per couple. $5.00 at the door. He will present a slide presentation of "Waterloo 'l Yester-Years FRI. April 4th- 2 p.m. ADULT REC. CENTRE . NO CHARGE - Refreshments 0.M.H.A. PEAYOFFS - 'tTnitEntLtto Jittttia" (Corner of King & Allen St.) t Drop-in Activities Daily Mon. - Fri. . Include: Games Room, Floor & Table Shuffleboard, Billiards Rooms. 5e tea & coffee. Note: No member- sthitrsed_ed_.ILtWtMh'W1Nigqth1Ltttl_- - MINOR PEE WEE - Waterloo vs. Niagara Falls March 20th - 7 p.m. - PRICES: JUNIORi'B' PLAYOFFS - WATERLOO SISKIN'S " OWEN SOUND C BRITISH PUB NIGHT FOR SENIORS - MAR. 29th .. 7:30 " 1:30 PUBLIC ICE SKATING W.M.H.A. LADIES MIXILM'RV Cost: $1.60 -Includes Fish and Chip Lunch. -Judging of best Easter Bonnet. PHONE 579-1020 for tickets. ACTIVITIES run 'rEtrttthhrtttVtt Anuu RECREATitMt can: 7 ANOOSTALGIO AFTERNOON WITH ALO. HAROLD WAGNER $ttmtmtrVEtmmt SERIES? PROCEEDS TO WATERLOO MINOR HOCKEY ASSOC, Wed. March 19 -8p.m. - GO SISKINS. GO - Maud 4th Sunday, each month 3:3tF5:30pm 5:30 - 7:30 pm 8:00 . 10:00 pm gm.“ ONLY Family Pricé SPRING ER ARENA 7 :0079 70035 General ACTIVITIES Children be Adults 50e Family $1.00 M-tand Cantu I 578-2420 t0fittt0 __ um ' sumczs . [standard Sun. each month 3:30-5:30p.m. ALBERT MCCORMICK ARENA 2:W4:00pm - Family Price 8:30-10: General