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Now Lovelace was our lady killer ; we looked up to him as having had tremendous successes. We should none of us have thought of asking him todinner-that would have been far too dangerous to the peace of mindof those of us who are married. And as for our daughters, Lovelace wasn't a marrying man; but here, in the stilly night, we did not mind liston'ng to Jaovelace's adventures and chuckling over them. Lovelace was rather fond pf relating, his successes. A tortillle glow, a professional lady killor, sir ; hordhly good lookin,:g, mowed 'em down l like grass; he was a regular upas ttep l to the whole sex. port. It always makes a fellow com municative and eonfiding, our 234 purt, and if we hadn't it I shouldn’t have got the story outof Lovelace ; but the '3Glid it, and Lovelace wanted no 12 'cg- ing to tell his tale-he was still swamp ing from his recent wrongs. "Rather a new experience for you," I said with a sympathizing smile. “But I thought you went to the States on purpose to study the Ameri- can female I. , said I. "So I did, Pumper, so I did. But I was cured of the American female in Paris. I had a terrible experience. f was deceived, sic, deceived by a wom- an," he added verv solemnly , "and for the first time in my life," and then he growled aloud. 7 We had dined together, Lovelace and I, and we had had a bottle of '04 "New, Sir," he replied; "it, was horrible; it has destroyed my illusions. I have ceased to look on Women as angels. I met her in Paris," he said. "The husband was a busy Ittatt--a mere money grubber, a suuless (budge. I met them at the embassy. Mrs. Van Spoof Lwas a. petty \Vnmnn. I was naturally attentive and Van Spoof invited me to dinner. There were no other gu' sts, “You’ve no business, I guess,' said Mr. Van Spoof, after Cynthia---l mean Mrs. Van-had left us to our coffee ; 'you're just hanging round, nine you?" said he. " 'You've hit it,' I replied ; "it'sjust that. I'm here for the pleasure.' " 'Ah,' said Mr. Van Spouf, with an amused grin, here for pleasure, eh 'y' and then he vulgarly dug, me in the ribs. 'Now look here, Cap,' said Mi. Van Spoof, famoliarly, Ynyve just the chap to show Cynthy round. My hands are full , I'm up to my eyes in work. You show Cynthy round ; you trot her out; you’ll be the very boy for her. We've got ten days here, you see, and Cynthy has to see the shows.' -- “0"", . " 'Waal, no,' replied the husband; it's my idee. There ain't no harm, is there t he asked, and he seaned w grin famously. " ‘Did Mrs. Van Spoof suggest this? I asked, with some curiosity. 5...- "i"""'""".." "I accepted the position at once, for I confess to you, Pumper, that 1 was smitten with Mrs. Van. We were con- genial spirits. She admired Longfel- low-so did I ; I read 'ohakuyspeare-- so did she; and she was a dear, de- lightful Dresden china shepherdess sort of a little woman. But you’ve seen her, and so I needn't talk of her complexion, her figure, her wealth, of golden hair, and her eyes-- ah, those treacherous eyes y" and then Lovelace took a big gulp at his brandy and soda. "VV'_ v V C cy A v I hastened to assure him that I had seen Ller, and that she was a remarkably pretty woman, and generally admired. M . 7» n f. t 'n -__eH c- - d . N _ "She's a Dead Sea apple, Pumper, that what Cynthia-l mean Mrs. Van Spoof-is !" he cried ; "to me, at least" he added, with a deep sigh. "I personally conducted Mrs. Van during her ten days in the American's paradise. Cook's tourists m re nothing to her. She saw everything. We visited all the churches and went to the top of all the steeples. We de- scended into the catacombs , we in- spected the morgue ; we went to the Louvre, the Luxemburg and the Salon. We rushed to Versailles and the ruins of St. Cloud. We breakfasted and dined at a different restaurant and patronized a different theatre every day. We drove in the Bois, and we went to the races, the Eden theatre and the cafe concerts. It nearly killed me Pumper. I explained, I translated, I bargained; and in the intervals-the short intervals-T laid regular siege to Mrs. Van Spoof. And then Captain Lovelace blew “at a great cloud of smoke, and seemed to swear inwardly. “Beauties, sir , American beauties! They don't exist, sane upon paper oi' in photographs. I hate Anml'ican women, sir, thev’re so unwomanly." perambulation of Paris, just as I was about to suggest that she should fly with mer-for they were leaving France fur New York the next day-she sud- denly buried her face in her handker, (]ililrillh WAS MARRIED. " ‘Now, Captain Love' (she always called me Captain Love, that minx !) --pow, Captain Love,' she would say, 'you really mustn't. It's playing it very lowdown upon Daniel to try to mash me. It isn't quite fair on poor little me, Captain Love / and then she would holdup her little well gloved hands in mock alarm, and insist on asking some insane question, which had to be answered from the guide book. ButI felt that I had 'l,touehed her heart, for on the ninth day of our it 'Caetrain Love,' said Mrs. Wan Spoof ind. choking voice, 'h irttur'lg is, inihe next. room, aucl-av,l he saw» pacts. heir me unplure you: tn lemme mc.' "Next day at 11, T prusem‘tml: myself at the Van bpuof’s npwt-menm at the P,rim',oL I was evidzmtly expetri1xl. Cyatrhis was pale, and Her. 'rytrs's spark- led WALL! a feverish liglm. Thule were (”new trunks lying about im every rhreiatisry, They were gming: ready for we Mark. to New Yntek.. l limb mp time. "Fake the place with: a. mush is my moium. -“ Cynthia: I cried, as Ti fell: Imam my lines» and placed 1 er Linen frage,ror to s-iiyrliatc " 'Save mmelf l' cried Cynthia, as she held open the lid of an ii3smensw Samwga frank, one of thossxr. hug? ooofferi IN ibimut which no Ameriersuhuly ever thwelnx At that moment there “mum: {my p'rious ktiyoac an the door- -a kahuna!» knock. “For hevsalre, for the salts " this Traumalelantic Imogen, Ti, a. modem Emhinm, stepped 1h1itrss the great trunk. It wasu't fear NE the, man Van Spoof, Pumer; it was, have --love fur the treacherous little fair» hair lmireleiper, his wife. "The lid tsisedupon me and Iham‘d. the oininous, click of the spring lock.. " Come ii), Dan'lr,' cried Cynthia. Van Spoof r, and before I heard the fellow's voice I smelled the odor "the rank cigars that he invariably smokod. Ci 'Waal, my ggil,’ said Van Stpeof,, ‘are you through with them boxes“? " The're :11 packed, Dan'll, lie just filled the last one s' and Mrs. Yuan Spoofs voice seemed to be choked bra kind of sub- “I succeeded. Vim Spoof, pour, simple, hueicstevivs, soul, suspecting naming. wk 'Then they can be started off at once, pussy,,' said Mr. Van Spoof. "I heard no more; I believer I fainted. "When I came to myself I was brought to by a tremendous comma, sion. I heard the noise of vehicles and the hum of voices. We were evident- ly in the street. I dared not; utten a sound for Cyrrthia's sake. We were soon in rapid motion over the smooth asphalt. The position was a. terrible one. I couldn’t turn but I could breathe-thunk heaven, I could breathe. I would go through with my terrible adventure for Cynthia's sske. What if I were to die of suffocation? Dread- ful thought! But her secret, Cyntlifs's, secret, the secret of our love, would he ssfe. She would release me at the first opportunity. She evidently had had some 1 lan-trust a woman's ingen- uity for that-but she had not had tune to communicate it. But my me- ditations were interrupted. I and my living tomb were suddenly flung upon some hard substance. If it had not l been for my hat my skull must have been fractured 'TLS' it was, I felt as if every bone in my body was dislocated. But I uttered no sound-no cry escap- ed me, for I felt that, perhaps, the eyes of Cynthia were upon the trunk, and a groan might betray us. "I ovdererl a. Mind ice, for we were sitting in the, Ttrtrtioni's Bt the time and I tried to look: ax uneoracerued as pos- sible. " ‘I will (name for your answer to- morl'ow at 1lv' I whispered ; and then I rose to greet the poor eonfid'rugr husband. . _ 'isTheies fytrn'll).' alilost screamed Mes. Van '3poof ; and, sure eugughy there he Wat1,, advancing to us with a self-satisfied smile. " Cynthia,' I said, We love each other. Unpmpiteous h te has linked you to a wretch who fails to appveeiate you at your' proper worth. T, Cynthia on the other hand, am your slave for life. Darling, I cried, warming up and prepz’lejng fy quote poetry. ' "We-the trunk and I-were banged about horribly for the next five minutes. Then somebody kicked us, a voice shouted '. 'Grande vitesse, Charing Cross, enregistre, and then my sufferings recommenced. But I bore it, sir-U bore it for Cynthia's sake. "I saw it all; she was eluping to England with me, and for a moment I pitied the poor deluded American hus, band, Van Spoof. chmf, and declared t1; “It I bet.” "We were placed in the van, the train started. After what appeared like years of agony, though it was only a little over four hours, we were dragged fovth. I was one vast ache, but my heart beat with happiness, for now, surely now, Cynthia would release me. My position was terrible ; in total darkness, my knees in my mouth, unable to change my attitude, parched with thirst and want of air, it was worse than the miners in the coal mine, worse than the Little Ease ; but hope, the hope of my reward, sustained me. And when I heard a. voice-an honest, hearty English voice : 'Look out below y "Then we, the trunk and I, flew through the air as if shot from a cross- bow. There was an awful crash,and I lost Consciousness. 'rhey had shot us, with the rest of the heavy luggage, down the steep shoot to the steamer's deck-a railway collision was a joke to it, "They put the heavy luggage for- ward; you feel the motion of the ship frightened Edison's child ren hy his twat wife M9 familiarly called "Drit/ andv "Drish', fnmm the characters in the Morse alph- who-t. Robert Rynmn, of Ytsrsssiuesr,G'is, .is the oklest miller in Ch? United $tawn, and is now operating a mill hum;- 100 yummy ago, and Mill use; the primitive atach5nerv. Prof. Bell, of telephone fdms;.is a. huge strongly built man, who loci” in trhough he enjoys life. He has a mush contagious smile. I’mk. The nwmgp weight. of thte China? hm“: is said ‘0 he Kmvier than the nv'm et1"ge weight of ther'omin of any othev‘ mew. The cIIBApesL dress mule hy Wk, we Parisian millim-r, (“an ifof mom,- dews not, co.~L less than $150,' "nds this hte (cults his 'pouvretre custume’e’Aho pomp girl’s dress. Several soldiers wan) exruvtted "h"- ing the civil wur for desertiun, tttsrc-rr- rry. murder and no on; but Lleua A: t W'adhams of the navy, ““th not a single sailor on the Union F side was stuiteneed to death. I ghook lmndkk with Gawain Lrvaiace and I sympathftad, and then I Wider him good night, birs. Wlritrrey's will was writtemmx a Singlv sl-ert, of fonlscap paper, has it, " $3‘050.000 to her husband. This should be u Irsson for young writers that it is possible to say a good ducal somninms in very Fttle space‘ 1qe will he, Pumpet Nelev-never while I liveywill I again pay my ads dresses to a married bully. But I. wane der whether Cynthia- J meant Mrs., Van Syoof--tA"d what 81% could amler cmnpulsion l F wonder t HES max-tried "IWW, poor' tellow, sm T, nail the story.-rtae. Argonmt. John w. 1rrokwaiter, the Ohio-mio- ionuire, said the other day '. Lexymroh tell you how much money I hayprsgsnt trying to build a machine whiohhuill fly. But I think I have a modeioasler way that will solve the problemu' "They dvaggyrd me nut, sir, more dead than alive,. and I was at once given in char-ge Eur attempting tap de- fraud the railway company by trave,]- Hug as passengevrOvgrrpgre. " daved not telil the story. I game afalse name. I was fined f',5itherlest, day and mesa] the might in tite polka cell. The magistrate said that lw hoped it wasuld he a Wanling ttw1ne.. Alfred Tennyson Dickens, n senvof the I-ovelint. lives in Camber-mam a suburb of Melbourne' where Ire, is, in business. Mis brother, E "vrrcd:v3Bt1l- war Lyman Dtekens, the youngest" son of the. novelist, is settled in Lhemdioin- ing county of South Wales ands repre- sents Wilcanuiu in the Sydney. parlia- ment. Lnngfellnw’s ‘Waysirle Tun,“ also known as the old Howe Tnvern, inaud- lmry. Mnss, Wttti sold last weeldato Ho- mer Bogee, of Boston, and Hrrhert Howe, of Mulhorn, and will probably be repaired and kept open as a pub- lic summer resort. It has thn the property of the Howe family for uver 200 year»: Wade Hampton is geWiug along in yearshnd is a cripple, bat when he wusin \Vashingtou the other day he arranged for a hunt in North Citroli‘nm. junglr-s um! imited a number of states men to join him. Gemral Hampton is one of the old-school politicians who would rather be right, than be anything from justice of the peace up to, poesi- dens. A witn;ss of the presidential imsug- uration ceremonies was Beniwmn Pat- ton, of Defianee,0,, who was in Wash- ingtou in 1829 to see A-ndnew mack-- son take his o+th of oifiee,, and hasn't missed an inauguration., Hie is said to be the only survivor of the oSieeltolders under the, Jucxson administration. "When we got m ehnring cross at last the customs offieialss opened my prison. I learned aftersud that there was a label directing that the trunk was to he opened and examined imme- diately on arriving at Charing Cross. The label, sir, was-vim the handwriting, of the fiend Van Spoof. Had Cynthia betrayed me l most there, f am a bad seilor,, Plum l hale 600 gallons of air, or 24,000 per per. Imlwnys have a ptmiv'rMI' c,asbin day. when crowing the Channel-f Md one The asrsrerrstr5surfatysr of the air cells now. I draw " veil-you can fancy of the lungs exceeds 20,000 square the rest. Em l bore it all. I endieed inches, an arm-L nearlv equal to the torments in the Vim from Folk, floor of a room twelve feet square. stone for want of air; we being big; The average weight of the brain of an were undermust in the huge pile af adult male is three pounds and eight luggage in the van, ouno s; of a, female, two pounds and In the human body there are about 263 bones. The muscles are about 500 in number. The amount of blood in an adulbaverages 32 pounds, or fully ontrtifth of the entire weight, The heart is 6 inches in length and 4inches in diameter, and beats 70 times per minute, 4,200 times per hour, 100,800 times per day, 36,792,000 times a. fear, 2,565,440,000 in three score years and ten, and at each beat 21 ounces of blood are thrown out of it, 176 ounces per minute, 050 pounds per hour, 'r? tons per day, All the blood in the body passes through the heart in three minutes. This little organ, by its ceaseless iudus, try, pumps each day what is equal to lifting 122 tons one foot high, or one ton 122 feet high. The lungs will contain about one gallon of air at their usual rate of inflation. Ive breathe on an average 1,200 times an hour, in Nan 5 (wanlsm. Vlateploo County Chrdnicle Valuable Hawkins. T Otvr od the bm‘iks of Philadelphia» 1wns~surprhied a few days ago by fail? dug arrvoeive n paalmge from another (bsnksmt, Dhrhy, P», Im was the cust- om " the Darby hulk warrnd its out- lor.t.oxT cheeks reguhwly to the hank for "yolleetinrv When she use,” package Lifor calieobiom did nos-Mrive, she Darby §hnnk wmroommunieoted with. It ce- 1plitrd that'cha puckagzlmdl been mailed as usupslland- an inves-aiigation was com- ‘me-ncr‘d'lm' butrh ends of the liste. In "w,ssrdiseovsrxrd that saw-mal- children in JMrby bud hem seeuqlrsyiog with pe- ‘crnlnr' ahlong; pieces- of paper like Awake and they \VPIIF! Imuntrd up. Cheekarvto thewmmunv " three, thous- and dollm~wwm fouud'l in the Mum-'58- 'ioootr tlar chiltiren 1lhey rnpluixmd ytlmtnlley ltred lwen playing wrwnd the petst-esfbrertordirae onthem; a mu» girl "under simyvnrw of 'We,. lmd put het, Gorrthriomtlrtthtrrircstatr in the door and‘bmouuln our; Marge gnu-I099. The :c‘lrildwn‘lmd(opwmd‘in and-going to n yum! has Itatrpruyed' Mi bvnfsers with the myrttttntw The cuilthen "ere, evi- dently: awarrrof the nature of the 'tr,it,'tit:')t,' they went ignorant of F lrtaisrvtslusrrlmt ars- we pnymrh had 'heetrastoppmittsnd no loss had occurred, ftlncrvwarn no (minimal. proeeedings t,t,rru%srtheat.. They were too inexper- jencai to think» of? applying the checks to thavpprpoae for, which they were :writtui. Tirersirsrply uradtrpUythings krthedtreumonts, whielr,, when. presented at the bauha would have produced large-saws obmomry.. 5 After doing the patient horse out of ,itwohHeb, ahead og the street car, elec- tricrty, is now hams; app-Ind to the worlwobmowing, the canal- boat at " pam Faster than n. mate's walk. - Time madam impmwemsma are sure- lrandmot slaywly wholishing tbs mak- at ftrr, heavy work horses. Fa, morn everywhere have pawctimlly mnde their bust dollar 02m 05 a; business that was (may profioA19, Conditions under w2ruslrfbinudinn horse misers formerly worked to Advantage have been changed now by trarif0vws, but by the operation (of,saienttiic forces. The skin in composed raftlmvae' layers and main from oue-fourth to url?'- eighth ot an inch in Illidbnrss The atmospheric pressure being "houtf four- Nell pounds to the square inch a. per- son of medium size 1s suhjrwacech to a pressure 09 40,000 poandr. Each squnre, inch of skin contains» 3;5(W sweating tubes, or respiratory pores, each of which, may he likened Lawlit‘t)» drain pipe one-fourth of an inctir lone, making an aggregate )ength of the; en» air? surface of the body 201,161} feet,, tyt' ttt tile-diteh Kr draining the trody" fbrry-two miles, Ion-g, Man is marvel 911le made‘. WIm iar eager to intsst. iNate the curiout and wonderful works-: " Ommipotrent Wisdom, let him "ot) wandgrrihe wide-world around to :1ka “mm. bet exmn'aae himself. Those politicians who tell another storm to agricultural audiences will mm the hutsser more than they will heliythemse'ves The market for low grade horses that was closed by the en- nabmenb ok she McKinley Bill could never be opened by its repeal. It will beunoney in, the pockets of the Cunad~ inn farmers if they realize this and) sham in making the right kind of horses hr the mlsrlret that. no hostile urifr lnwa can take from them. Some Bright Examples. In April 1868, Horace Greeley pae- sided at a. great dinner given in New York eity by the American press, in honor of Charles Dickens. When the wine was served, it was noticed that Mur. Greeley's glass, which he raised in unison with others in response to toasts, contained a be'autifnli ned rose. When the others drank their. wine he smelled his rose. The asrsrerrsteresurfaee of the air cells of the lungs exceeds 20,000 square inches, an arm-L nearlv equal to the floor of a room twelve feet square. The average weight of the brain of an adult male is three pounds and eight ounce; of a, female, two pounds and four ounces. The nerve-u are all con- nected with it, or by the spinal nmr< raw. These nvrves, toRetber with theitr branches and minute rurmficut- ions, probably exised 1l0,090,000 in nunsber, forming a. “honkya‘nmrd’ nut- numbering hy far the lbugust mmy over murshulvd Y Mrs. Ernestine SehMfner is a. New York city woman lawyer, oh independ- ent means, who has chosen Eur her life work the aiding free of cost, of prison- ers who have been falsely accused for crime. She has cleared and made happy and grateful many an innocent victim, espeeially of those who, were convicted because being too poop to employ suifi, cient counsel. Shortly before President (hyrfield was nominated at Chicago, a company ot noted men visited him at his home in Mentor. The dinner that followed was somewhat mere elaborate than us- ual, and more in accordance with faish., ionable forms. When several course: had been served, the aged mother of the soon-tube President, suddenly ex- claimed : “J nines, I entirely disapprove of this.. When friends visited us in the old times we placed their whole dime: before them an: weer Then they Gales -gtoe, and AIL g The‘other day as thin, tirzblocitirw mph warmed the offi:ee of a prirraine hwserandr apguoaa-hing the proprietor said 1 'Mt'rr;HiatrvsumeT hr.tked “19*me door. Hinve yew stotrtbat 1" “Yes _ "tsut r: den?!) mrvderstandyr' “Nu-wr- mindl; Hrm'l; interrupt' my tiif I'm- tirritshed: Asre you rerul't/d', "bturnethout delight in the 'ustfe room?' "Ail might-r Yve- got it.” "The kthen windows are fasten-mall" mam" "The dogii irrtaxraeNr." Lv/ver who bwnn his business 0"}th ”#4,an (160L078 my} creditors ure 'ls,' “my boy at three, dollars. per week, Ilingual)" over' dury-Binghampton Lea, 'lspsrtkst “has in ,wgnrd Lu his success-: et'. I‘Ones Iould first5aceustotrr himself, nus“ 'c'mooper---"f'd ham yaw know I to Ina a. humvd oeurry kind of work tlrrsiC can”), " s gooa fan-Hy.’ R',ieketts- is honest, and use-EM. But one "my waYou Inui'lhuvre trapelled a Jung dist- industrious, and yen his industry "my _,'anee."-Thrtte. not when) much vyvhaahle, result. You I I-le-NV; “Mk” vou (Mink this (ro)d work intelliVtrtly---be pr"T"r r%the milk trairrf" si-sur,,-, If my the wny for “hat! you intend to be- hwstnpppd soot/ for. water."-Chitm, Ecume- while doing witwt i-rt,. ekrw.e to rr,.r,tortatei-oee,ro. ‘your hand. While I1,derrirustatree, was " . . . iWnrking an errand 1’06” I improved Dirwle---"Ey (fenrge, J)just glut out Isuclu Opportunity as D had to read of 't UHd sunning! [,lytlyry1ytfyd Ihcnks. and m attend bank sales,, so as l Ry ' Podium i "No, hr" brsrhrrr.y- Ito Ivan-y the market; vCire of hooks, and I Ttoy Pres,. Iwnythmz: that might bra- useful m um I "y%, must have persevemnce,” mid :ereafter, for I always aimed to erone the young plrymeiam's fr0ndl-"No," was dwy in mpmition where Hamid usemy The leply: “QM: Hwancis pawns?“ best talents to the best WWDMH'SHI I Washington Star. h'susd my ambition high, 5tyr "ciSat, PW?!) _ "Y d I . l, h ' " T did not realize thi, highest, II . y"'.1"r. your. haug'te'rzp AXE , 'mfwrt at beast. be alwaygrwnsiing UV! t l Riga! the Hum-star. ti,'t, re- ‘wavds, Ifroo jump at a" thing with 1’3th Li" moth.er proudly. "Excuse your whofevhenm and 11oindi'tiimBg,h you: I 's,"aeshou/t,Cric,is,,yty/tfi'ti,tgats, am may not be trxessptionrslly? am?" it by ar o amng - aslmlgtw tar. Wondl-rful Iva-w: much you amy accom' I She.--"?);; CAN she's ortoithe prim. But if you. art-4 half-11mm y0"e,'tc1s, of my youth,"' He -"I didn't _,willtil." Make her when»: old M Hm "-TCosr_s, "l want to,harvrrarrisst printeih. '3iT-- pose yew write ity dawn as I WE" yow" The pr'opr'ietrrwunsds ready, and‘ the man sssidir. “B turned! " tha, (haughty of t,he. range." "Yrs." 'W6, .1: dance and!» smoke." uh!” “Kbrthw waten' is not ruunintysin the bathrooms" "bdo notrthinkry hemr anyone Wr ing to get} iato the. louse." fhttrpteaisant flarmr, gentle action audessootls Ling 'bifeetss of Syrap of Figs, when in need; ot Lavlhxative; and if the father or mother be §bi:1.i:ous, the most gratifying results follmr jibs use, so that it is the best family? Remedy jkmown and every family should have a. bonnie; em thndris not our dog barking; itisithe onrnext than" "Ribs'" "it isnob necesmny to go down and see ifr the cellar daorr is iasteaeds. I) know it is,' "Wes," "Trust is noboit r, it is only the wind rtsttliog away an the shutters! WES.” "Well, I think that's about all. Yiru Bees, my wifirasks me cermin Mles- tiomsttveery night just; as I am getting imp bed, and if , had a printed list I could show it to, her, it would sawllots oFtmoabK. Besides that it injures-my lungs to answer them. Have the lists twinned as soon as possible. Failed to Em Up the Congreatsuorc "Now," said the professor of magic, "I am about to undertake mien in which I shall require the uiseohts pint flask of whiskey.” There was a dead silence. "Will some gentleman iss the audi- ence favor me with a pine flask of whiskey t'asked the professor, advanc- to the front of the platforms “Strrmger,7 spoke up a tall, gaunt, harddeatuded man on a front seat, "wouldnt a quart flask do jest as well f" "Why, certainly, I merely- -" But the generous, open-handed audi- ence had risen aslone man and was on the way to the platform-Chicago. Tribune. could see there was plenty of it. But unw, with a. tift here, and a snip there, ( everybody is afraid to eat." The. guests were mmsidorably embarrassed, out of consideration for their host's feelings. i But General Garfield wtrh a pleasant smile, said. "Herr well, motherr it shall 1 be as you please." After. that Mk state i dinns-rs, at! home, were served ash: the, "old times. ' "ileorve, IV. Childs, the wennr,.ownl phihmtrupisl v13iLor of Hm Phile (lelphia i There was no response,, and things were becoming embarrassing. "Surely," he said, in an southeastern Kentucky community l ought not to have to ask a second time for such a thing. I pledge you my word I will return it uninjured. Is there no--" If you want to buy or sell a Farm ad vertise in the Toronto 'Weekly Mail" That paper reaches 100,000 fumers’ homes every week and your advertise men should meet t, e eye of some one who wants to purch: se. Advertisements ot this clas are inserted in the Toronto ‘Weekly Mail' for Five cents a word for each insertion or Twenty Cents a word for hve insertions. Address ‘The Mail- Toronto. Canada. "The servants aswtvll irc" gt [The stautrdoorirr locked." "Tire kitten. is out 013 doors." Dumb-wic- Catechism. Children Enjoy. I She-vellum-et (in, she's onvnf the friends ofsy youth."' He -"I didn't {make her (when old as tGt."-Kate émeid's Washington. Mrs. Byer- “The“ we aim, looking-Ti Eggs. Grocer (erathotisscicrsltly )--"Yess/ indeed. they’m 1mm!” Asd- the'n hej wondwrrdgwhy we: didn’t he») a//y.U/ '13be Press. l "Poor Jack! he new” eoohl tll, and it rtsined hicn.”""L-low 'J" He wrote averse to an heiress he was in love with, and he wrvte- honey a,se bonnr" -EGrper's Buzmw "Gentlermrns:" said tNeeapturedr'train yobbcr, “I wulmwledga I am in, the wrong, bu ti Il am Vsrrtiarerr to Name My father was a car pstrtery'--rogusr. 'fichs-"What do yon-think 'l Will it. be a. much?!" Wicks--); ought to be. He is»): regular stick and she’s all: fire and brimstone,"--Boston Tran- isevipt. Jrvsper--"rowirttoxieatism, nlways fil lowred by a. osuelled heart 'rr" Jumpuppe _---'is, r-verl miierr It um” ha» been im- mxien ted by suoriresrl-l"iee York meld. “Poor Jimson be'irhotrsehretirpirag and he telk, me he hrus,ouvswful tune with his cook." "Why domfu he diacharge her t" "Csn't , you'see» he maxim-d her I" --12hieago Recordt, You-mg msul-"ft 'wish, year opinion, sir,. as to whethervyour daughter would Luke me a. good wife ll' Lawyer-io, am. She wodld nomFive-douars please?" -Bmrton Bulletin. “WAS there any-special. bid of acting E. ohm struck you as being particularly fi,. time last night t" "Tres ; it. was the lady l}? who sac in front of me taking off her [s', hsstu"---Chieago Istewihreon. iii. “Yum say your daughter plays F)? eajsaidthe tniaister. "tas," re-' plied 13w mother proudly. “Excuse me-huts-mr-is your daughtvrac altt bard of tiearing, I"---'),' Star. “352w must have perseverance,” amid the young plrymeiam's frOndl-"No," was the leply, "what Hwanlzis pmttruits."--- Washington Star. “Tom,"uhe whispered; nestling on. L-hr shoulder, "have yous found your ideal?" Well, if I haven’t," was his, gnarled answer, "I've haand tl mightyl good substitute."'--)- i “Where’s your wife th "Gone hunts I ing-” “Gone hunting [Isn’t that rathem masculine sport i?!" "No it isu't spostn My all. She's gone- hunting for a housed" -Pittsbarg Dispuch. A bill is nom before the Massaahur setts Legislature for the establishment of a modY1erstiorr of the Gothenburg system of regulating the liquor tratfU. The principle of the bill is that intoxi, eating drinks shall be sold by public agents only,, and its advocates, clhim that it will produce the following good results : --Elusination ofstrloou iofitserure from politics, removal of the motive of private proiti stoppage of ther sale of poisonous sompounds and “innervated liquors, enforcement of restrictive laws suclnas those against selling to minors and drunkards. Thas opposition of prohibitionists to the bill is based on the report made by Mr. Car- roll D, Wright, United States labor commissioner, on the working of the Cxotherrburg system in. SWeden and Norway, from which these assumed good results appear somewhat proble- matical. Municipalities which adopt the system in the countries mentioned delegate the sale of liquor as an exclu- sive monopoly to a. Single corporation or company, whose profits are limited to six per cent. All, above that goes to the municipal treasury. The result is that large profits accrue to the muni, cipalities and the certainty of the six per cent. leads to an encouragement of the trvffie inconsistent with the public welfare. According to Mr. Wright's report, the municipalities received no less a sum than ten million dollars as their share of the proets from the sale of intoxicants, between the years 1880 and 1A)(h McCarth y-- "Oid, Brown declares yam. are the most enharmining talker in thes club. What do you asvsally talk about in his company»? Mecormick-"mr, Brown."-dhoolclyn Life. I-le-NV; main-w you mimic this r%the milk trairrf" S?b----jeswse N has stopppd so nfueu for. water."-Chitm, gtoGatei-0eei. Dirwle---"Ey George, Ljust gut out of 't UHd scrap» E” Dansr,lt---"Atmeked by ' hoodlum f" "No, hr" brsrhrrr.y- Tluy Pres,. It appears tons that tlrese meetings hsttwerm debtors and creditors are largely over dury-Bins,xSmpton Lea, der. If timp we're mnnPy, the tramp would be rolling in wrutlth,---Tr-xv, Sift, ings. If a great lawyer is: a 1:4ng P great eleccrieau nu o-Pecn'u: Life, Ripans Tamales have come to, stay Laugh :Wlllle I'm: Fun. All th ' m'pruzn theater guer- " skt, for H, foir show-T- Press. Jieht, light?- I tCt-ed. {3‘7 fTe dirh/t have them again, that (!seas esilent, but wheo he came in at 6 Holook 3mm his ottim, he was badly b,attlede 'Whmt'ir the matter"? "sked his Wife. 'I-l saw w. Woman _ while ago,' he i swrmmered' nervously, "wenring one of _ thnse ioonftyuaded sheep hicts-'-, Urdlnun-v gran-11 lunwrmlhh, saysi 'thas Seieutitic Amraricur-ettair air, fie" 3,qm~m intervals dunng cm» tiny and‘ in Muwutiun with food AL‘EEhe table,rift "ooo is eaten as all, Ins hte " found re-- irrvurkarrly etfierscioms in Waishing the _die,tress'mg cough that linstsers after " hm usher symptoms of the-grip have. gone. mam. : 't:hse of? those w-ufemnd‘ad soop--' 'r 'Hrrnry, may dvar,’ iuuthrruptad MN. ,)rr,'u'riir','_',drr'i7,'e my And taking him by, FM? arm, ‘swppose Foo at) oat and soakf youv wits my the hyd‘rant for a fewv 'tttomeois.' ( Henoy obeyed; and when he returned We said it; was one of whom-- confounded hump skirts that had unnerved him so. A Chieago detective h mm m rueed as Ewing caught a smile of incredulity oa a listener’s face. t"tdbok spins? and again his wife loom-d "tr but, stxspie.imvasly. CN, not; Ulnar, ol,, IDENWSF/ confound- edskoolts Frirts---" t%ook vistrts ll' irurwrmpyked the wife. o', lfe ruhtteahis head bsrd emu ttied C "er-ir-no/sums, his; head, 'one of these eor+urnded, hook spirts-' "Skooyhirm 1' que-riéd the lady; eye- irxgghim closelyi - _ _ _ - tr mtunilr mom/M's CAT/1331! CURE. It New! tails. IT cu RES C)ATARRH m THE HEAD THROAT AN "=5. COLD IN THE HEAD, HAY FEVER [NFL "to 'lfils,1?"t AND TONSILS, Ttr- Stores If/d sauce of smel _ and drugs 3.an the It is quite possNe to ttvAttr sugar from carrots; MILL indem ',cassrorjtsiksw contains more chum primacy per cents. of saclmrine matter. As Ur ctrtyts was expensive abroad, foreign sugar manu» facturs prefer beet fonts. Veryféxw people know that cov"rmilk contains, about tive perm-hr of sugar. Vrra'%i'd'stsn,,d"G7 magi: ir//d ifrHC/s' 'ti,ict'it,' DULL HEADME‘HE expéarieneed by all who aye blatant}. One ' ottle mil work wonders, Price 500. at Druggisty. fec1tyy mail on receipt ot An archaeologist claims ta have re- cently (meow 'tred nt Straw, a: ruined city of Greece, t',ee, Hanan}? of an anci- ent temple and a. single, "rciusieiscrip- tron in the Arcauizrn dial ct the tirst that has hitherto came to Hm. Zine has the greatest, degree of ex- pansion and contraction by changes of temperature of the summon metals. Mercury (=szde and contracts more metal, andis where-fore generally used in thermoaetevB. The a,otiois of the earth around my sun is (j8,3'()5milesr an hour, over-1,000 miles a. minute, or " miles a. second. EVE; 'iikti?; r, pathway invaiunbh F Css99) ot Ig,2,j,i6/rei't,', l' Saw. hy mu.) (n r; Jr (MM QEE,;1}nAL in. is ".P.t. _ Wprice lgaaammfg ‘7 -___ ' ' MARK CHEMICAL 00. ARE ADELAIDE SLWEST. NIGER b"eientitic research shows that the ocpan contains nearly every efement that exists upon the earth. This world-renowned Soap stands at rib» head ot All Laundry and Household Soap, Dom tor qunlity sad extent of sales. WIGHT SOAP has been in “0913.4 Windsor Castle for the past 3 yarns. and its: midtown“ have been specially appoinm Used according to directions, It does tbWTbF with All the old-fashioned drudgery of wash any. Try it; you won't be disappointed. (.jitiiit war, be tron-71,.) 1:121».qu Imam-m“ ATU2N, i7CHiNC, LT? li 139.1% Ws:',, 16,219 v?, iyires)rbr))rtit" aoummna To Taa QUEEN OUR: c/cfAn1ANTzt:-:D ”.414qu - 1"meer x; w. ' tic%mtM1e Research. be tronbh‘ii with FILES. EX- "s'Th_, 1i'f'/l'f,5,i1eujr'i'r,'ii. _ r'NG r‘ ..L'r’.ED r "HFC fv',f'"')',1,'zrr:.,, Ellen 0er GEN-7}“ Wtf' = ‘2, _ my numeu‘mto relief? net; L“ 3|:‘E/ANDS n: has proved mu". i, .-'Je!I£-r ons, (vi; in 's1ssr':'1p.' a”? .5 $1.00 an: Dtuggtsra 1 mm H: M pruv3 bv a.u<_h-assmv bk. 53.9,? 1513.1: $1 .WESl, minim);