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Page 4, Terrace Bay-Schreiber News, Wednesday, February 26, 1986 Terrace Bay | celromces y Editorial The Terrace Bay-Schreiber News is published every Wednesday by: Laurentian Publishing - Co. Ltd., Box 579, Terrace Bay, Ontario, POT 2W0. Telephone: (807) 825-3747. ADVERTISING BUG 6 ae ee ee Conrad Felber ere See, Gigi Dequanne GENnGE. se. 4... SS ee ee Gayle Fournier <a teslage egreesee os Mary Melo Single copies 35 cents Subscription rates per year in-town -- $14.00 out-of-town -- $18.00 Member of Ontario Community Newspapers Association and The Canadian Community Newspapers Association. Accept the access A monopoly -- when there is only one of something -- is sometimes good, but in the case of access to the Ter- race Heights area of Terrace Bay, it's bad. But such a situation does exist, as there is only one en- trance and exit by road from the new subdivision, namely Terrace Heights Drive. Terrace Bay Township Council recently passed a mo- tion to petition the Ministry of Transportation and Com- munications to approve an entrance to the south side of Highway 17 at the former entrance site of Pumphouse Road, now known as Ridgewood Drive, between Kenogami Road and Terrace Heights Drive. It is a sound idea, and one long in coming. Lake Nipigon MPP Gilles Pouliot supports the sugges- tion, noting earlier this month and in a story which ap- pears elsewhere in this week's issue of the News that the second access road is "urgently needed," from the safe- ty aspect alone. The ball is now in the court of the Ministry. These are, of course, times of financial restraint, but it is hoped that the MTC will recognize the problem and act on it ... soon. Conrad Felber Why.? A simple enough question, but it's one I find myself asking a lot these days. Why, you ask? (See, you do it too!) Just read on. As a single guy, I live in a bachelor apartment with bachelor "stuff". I'm pretty well set in all departments ex- cept for one: food. Food is sometimes a big problem. Why? (You're doing it again!) Just try and find single-sized portions of supermarket food today. A loaf of bread? Who can eat the whole thing before the expiry date ar- rives and all the remaining slices turn into inedible green slabs? Why can't they make and sell a mini-loaf for people like me? But bread is not the only problem. Eggs? Forget it. Even in the refrigerator, a dozen doesn't last long enough for me to get through them all. Oh, sure, now you are going to tell me that I can buy just six eggs by Arthur Black "REMEMBER THE GOVERNMENT WHO CREATED ALL THOSE JOBS ? WELL, HAVE | Got A JoB FoR you //" breaking a pack in two. I'll pass on that suggestion, thanks. You pull something like that and people stare at you as if you were a leper or something. Why don't bakeries and egg cultivators (I was going to say '"'egg farmers'? but that sounds weird) follow the lead of milk producers? You can walk into just about any store and buy milk by the litre, two litre, half litre, or even quarter-litre (what used to be a pint). That's as it should be. Why then can we only get eggs by the dozen and bread by the loaf? Don't worry, those are not my only '"'whys*" this. week. For example, why do we all seem to believe that we are living in a democracy here in the fine province of Ontario' and country of Canada. '*But this is a democracy," you reply. Don't make me laugh. This is a democracy like The Phillipines and most Central American countries are democracies. You don't believe me? Well, then, answer these questions for me, if you would. What do you call a govern- ment that tells you which movies you can and cannot see? What do you call a government that tells you when and where you can purchase alcoholic beverages? What do you call a government that tells you when you can open the store that you happen to own? What do you call a government that regulates the media? (Or have you not heard of the Canadian Radio- Television and Telecommunications Commission?) Does the word *'democracy'" spring to mind when you consider all of this? I think not. While I'm whining about the pro- vincial government, let me ask you another question: Why do Schreiber and Terrace Bay area drivers have to trek all the way to Nipigon (or, if you prefer, Marathon?) to get their new photo licences? I do believe these new licences are a good idea, but I'm sure down south there is a renewal office on every block while up here the nearest one is an hour's drive away. Do you think they will cover your travelling expenses when the time comes? Once again, I think not. Before I go, a few more "whys": Why do switchboard operators ask you *'Can you hold the line please"' when they don't even wait for you to say yes or no before they hit that lit- tle red "hold" button? Why does soap become a hair magnet when it's wet? Why is gasoline still so expen- sive up here? Why do I always misspell the same words, over and over again? ("Separate" and "refrigerator" are the first two I can ill think of, not to mention the obvious one: "misspell.." Why does CFNO insist on playing that same stupid Sade song all day long? Why are there no real fast food outlets in this entire area? (I don't mind telling you I am dying for a McDonald's Quarter Pounder without cheese!) Why is there no end to this column? Well, I can answer that last one for you: there is! New doll answers you back! - Once upon a time, a gentleman by the name of Heraclitus made a rather astute observation. "'There is nothing permanent," he wrote, "except change."' Today, roughly 2,500 years after Heraclitus jotted that down, tucked his Bic ballpoint back in his toga and went on about his business, I find myself musing about his maxim in connection with dolls. I seem to recall that it was about this time of year several hundred col- umns ago that I was breaking the news of a commercial phenomenon that was just then rolling over the border from the States. It was a brand new product for kids, quite unlike anything I'd seen before. The product was expensive. It was unattractive to the point of homeliness. And it was selling like hotcakes. : It was the Cabbage Patch doll. And the advance hype for the things was so effective that kids who had never even seen one were weeping, wail- ing, throwing tantrums and refusing to eat their supper until they got theirs. Which was bad news for parents. For one thing, the dumb dolls were retailing for about 40 bucks each. And for another, they were selling so fast that even Eaton's and Simpson's couldn't keep them in stock. But, as-another august scribbler of antiquity by the name of Virgil once noted, "'time flies." This year I can report that the Cabbage Patch craze is over. They're still available, mind... but the fever has broken. My authority for this piece of market research comes from a reliable infor- mant who insists on anonymity. I can only identify her as an inmate of good standing of Mr. Seize's Grade 5 class. She assures me that last season's Cinderella success story is this year's leftover pumpkin. Nope, the big news on the doll front this season is... : Wait for it... Baby Talk. You heard me -- Baby Talk. It's a critter that can eat, sleep, squirm and even talk. And -- get this -- Baby Talk is voice-activated. The doll can -- but why should I tell you, let the adver- tising copy gush for itself. 'Pick the doll up, it says, I love you Mommy. Lay her down after she's said 'I'm tired' and suddenly she wants to play peek-a-boo or perhaps she tells you she wants to be hugged! Feed her with a special bot- tle and Baby Talk makes suckling noises and tells Mom when she's had enough!"' Apparently what puts Baby Talk in the vanguard of the North American Doll Sweepstakes is a teensy-weensy microchip imbedded in her plastic epidermis. Thanks to this computer technology, Baby Talk can chat, squirm, eat and sleep... all triggered by the sound of a child's voice or even the touch of a human hand. Somewhere not far from where Baby Talk's heart. ought to be is a microprocessor that can gurgle out 16 different phrases. What's more, the program is "sequentially randomiz- ed".-- which is Silicon Valley jargon that means the phrases are never repeated in the same order. 'Simulated reality" would be another way to put it. _ Is Baby Talk going to be big -- the way Cabbage Patch dolls were big? Graham Mottram, Canadian sales rep for the doll, certainly thinks so. He brought a quarter of a million to an international Toy Fair held in Toron- to recently. Buyers and distributors snapped up every last one. And I've saved the best news for last: Hey, all you parents! Remember how you almost had a coronary when you saw the whopping price tag Cab- bage Patch kids had tied to their shoes? Well, Baby Talk costs more than twice as much -- $80 U.S. is the going price right now. No telling how much that will translate into a ravag- ed Canuck bucks by the time next Christmas rolls around. Elsewhere on the Doll News Front (who else would keep you abreast of important stuff like this?) I hear that the famous Barbie has left her spray in the Vanity drawer and become leader of a five-member rock band. She bombs around from gig to gig in her. own hot-pink Corvette convertible. Oh yes... and some late-breaking news from the folsk who gave us the You-Know-What Kids -- Coleco In- dustries. Coleco says the rumors of the Cabbage Patch Kids' demise are greatly exaggerated. As a matter of fact, Coleco is -- pardon the pun -- launching a new line of Cabbage Patch Kids. As astronauts. After a decent interval to let the memory of the recent Challenger disaster fade, of course. Wouldn't want anyone to accuse them of bad taste, or anything.