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* * ; -♦ ^ «•-• -*^- "^-._ ^ \ Where Monkeys Are An Actual Pest '« Except for OBe-bizarre plague, Cvrban, South Africa, is ar diarm- iMf a city as you^ fiad anywher* IH corse is monfiejw â€" conniv^g, thftving, cantankerous little beasts. How the monkeys got there no •ne knows, but there they are, by the hundreds, as free from control M our own park squirrels. A law imposes a jail sentence or fine on •ayone who maltreats a monkey. Durban is divided into those who think that monkeys are just too cute and others who look on them as agents of the devil. The latter ar« people who live with the mon- keys in the suburbs and on the edge ol town. They know from sour, personal experience that the mon- keys are rowdy, impudent and im- â- soral â€" dead-end kids w:ho will steal everything not locked up or riveted down. II a resident leaves a window or door open, in come half a dozen monks. Tliey eat everything lying •round. They smash eggs and throw glasses against the wall. They open the ice boxes, eat what they can and strew the rest on the ioor. They tip garbage pails and ai«al the silver and anything else Ikatt glitters. In one house they got lM>ld of a stack of phonograph re- cwtds and had a delirious time scaling them against a tree in the yard. Outdoors, the monkeys cUmb the Imii trees and eat the mangos and avocados. They tear down grape- Tine« by swinging on them. If you ^int your house, the monkeys dab- hit in the wet paint, walk on the foof; they like its stickiness and «elor. One irate housewife called up the Darban city clerk: "What do you think I am â€" a monkey tamer?" *^av* you tried a dog?" the man ashed. "Yes, I've tried a dogi" she cried. "He was a big, brave dog. Th« monkeys have made a snivel- lag, icar-ridden wretch of him." The dogs do their best; They leap aad bark, but what's so agile as a aM>nkey? A monkey raid arouses «vcry dog for a mile around and. the asonkeys love it. It's hubbub, din â- ad pandemonium. "The monkeys are bad because Micy don't get enough to eat," said I member of the City Council one Jay. "Let's feed them." The council a>gucd..a long tinne but finally voted try Khe idea. Ctaclty to Animals laid out scruoip- tiens meals of carrots, cucumbers aad tomatoes. Hitherto, tjie mon- fccya had been content merely to ivroot-^ garden vegetables, and scat- ter them about. Now they had a taste for them. No fence, scarecrow •r other device of mere man could hcep theffi out of the gardens. The city elders were shocked by what the little angels were doing to (he gardens. A prize of $50 was offered to anyone who could work out a way of raiding Durban of Its gangsters â€" without hurting the (angsters. "Give the monkeys brandy and - 2!t^«m drunk," wrote one man. *'W1ieri they're sleeping it off, take them a couple of hundred miles away." A second proposed tear gas and nets; another, soaking food in aaorphine. ' One man came along with a trap kaited with bananas. It worked, the Srst day, catching 20 monkeys. The second day the bag was exactly one monkey. After that, it caught none. Letters by the pound were flood- ing into the newspapers. "They hav« ripped all the clothes off my Kne two weeks in succession now." . . . "The monkeys have stolen five priceless teaspoons that came to me from njy great-grandmother m England." . . . "They have already caused $75 worth of damage. Who pays for it?" One man announced that, law or no law, he was going to shoot the next monkey that dam- aged his property. "I live at purga- tory's door," wrote one "Distracted Housewife." That's fairly typical. Meanwhile, each Sunday on one of the city's lovely drives, you see AFTER THE SHIN-DIGâ€" Wallace Wender and his wile Jean display their plaster casts following an operation in which a por- tion of his shin bone was grafted to hers in an attempt to heal an old injury to hfg leg. Both casts will be removed soon if the operation proves successful. monkey-lovers lined up, hundreds of them, with peanuts and corn, chunks of pumpkin, bunches of bananas. The monkeys are cute little fellows, the kind we call or gan-brinder monkeys, and they take the food right out of your hand. Let your hand dangle empty, anU a monkey will bite it. Everyone has fun. But even the most saccharine monkey admirers have had to admit that the people who live on the out- skirts have a case. The council en- gaged a big-game huater, Capt^n G. L. Jones, as official monkey Ths Society for the Prevention ot _, catcher. For an experimental period of^five months," he was to catch at least 150 a month, and catch them alive,- But he managed to catch onlv- 48 ill three months and then gave up and went off on a safari in Cen- tral .\frica. The householders are still wondering how to get rid of the monkeys Sure Of It One of those super intelligent col- lege seniors entered the dean's of- fice, coughed to attract the dean's attention, and said: ".Sir, I am gra-itied to announce that your daughter has accepted my proposal of marriage. However, since marriage is such an important step„ I wish to proceed with cau- tion. Ah, er, may I ask, sir. is there any insanity in your family?" The dean regarded the young man a moment in grave silence, then replied, quietly: "Yes, yes, I'm sure there must be." Answer to Crossword Puzzle tt u » s 6 P 1 N r A M A A t o f» T 1 rr i k » cl r E J u I N P * c S g ri Qaaii - t K A 1 F^ s M a â-  flA C tc i. 1 u O w P|«H \t t f PI «& I O N s |r 1 N « t e K K ir 5 1 V t M A t m r t f r ( 1 â-¡ 9 t u s M 1 C n c A i* > w II T e A & t M P s M C ( A 1 IP t A e M 1 6 C A 'ft © A V & I B y r t n :ij What's New At The C.N.E. Heard about that ham and eggs competition at this year's C.-\.E.? Every camplire cook and Sunday morning breakfast artist in the country is invited to come along and try their luck with some ham and a couple of eggs. The Ex. will provide you with ham and egjs, then supply the stove, the frying pan and the flipper. And just like in the pancake-making contest last year, not even the winner will be forced to eat his own ham and egRs! Contest takes place in the Col iseum, August 31, with $50 for the top winner, $40 for w'loever conies second, $30 to the third prize win- ner, and $20 for fourth. Get your entry in now to the women's di- rector, C.N'.E., and receive a tree adniitance .ticket for the biij d;iy. Fear No More Fear no more the heat oi the sun, .Nor the furious winter's rntjcs; Thou thy worldly task hast done. Home are gone, and ta'en thy wages; Golden lads and girls all rfios., -As chimney-sweepers, come tv dust. Fear no more the frown o' the great Thou art past the tyrant's stroke: Care no more to clothe and eat. To thee the reed is as the oak. The sceptre, learning, physic, must All follow this, and come to dust. Fear no more the lightning Hash, Nor the all-dreaded thunder- stone; Fear not slander, censure rash; Thou hast finished joy and moan : All lovers young, all lovers must Con^i.^n to thee, and come to dust. â€" .Shakcspcnre. By Tom Gregori HoMEOVyNERS MIU ee INTCRESTCO IN> ruts HANOV SUCKCT MOUJER WHICH AT- TACHE ON TO THB SIDE OF A STCPLAD- OER. NO LONGER WIU VOU HAVE TO PERFORM A TIGHT- ROPE ACT WHEN WASHINe THE WINDOWS ON voyR HOysB. constructed or MISCELLANEOUS PIKCSS OP STEEL SHKATHINft AND WtRB BRACKET^THIS 0A081T HAS A MUUTITUOE 0^ USIS POR Mie« ALTITUDE WORK AROUNO.TMt HOMl. •â- Slots A WATER PAIL IT WILL HOLD 8CREW- OBiVBRS, PLIERS. BRUSHES. HAMMERS AND OTMfR TOOLS For the housewife wild IS PLAaUEO WITH BOTHERSOME »ITt OP LOOSE PUITRR WHICH RinWtt TO RIA^N IN PLACE, THIS tIMPLk PAPER rU^tNIL IS TMik ANSwiR. rris AN wrifiitNx TlMlrSAVINO DEVKS AND MAMS CIA- TAIN VWT PM«TW Ofi PARIS PWtMH WHlBt ttRMLV ANCNORIO TO 1M LATH. Mystery Solved When the new minister came to the little church, the congregation was naturally interested in learning something about his former life. They were told he had once worked in some business establishment, but he seemed loath to talk about it. When their new shepherd discour- aged all inquiries about his earlier occupation, they were obliged to hope for a revealing gesture from the finger of fate. Fate was not long in accommo- dating them. The other Sunday, near the end of his sermon, the new clergyman made this moving ap- peal: "The Kingdom of Heaven awafts .you today I This is your golden op- portunity; it may never come to you again. Remember, this may be your last chancel Friends, what am I bid?" JITTER â- ^X 'J '-#^ x.*«ife«x/^« hronicles %ingerEarm ^ Gvendollrte P. Clo^rkc Fa'r Enoi^u â- fhe Sunday school teac'.ier h:i.l just concluded a review of tin- day's lesson. "And now, chililren." she enquired, "who can tell nit what we must do before we can ex- pect forgiveness of sin?" There was a pause, but finally one little boy spoke up. "Well," he mused, "first we've got to sin." So many coincidences have oc- curred just recently â€" coincidences wliicih, tf a little romance were wrapped around them, would make good stories. As it is, they are all â€" well, just coincidences. Coming home on tihe bus from Toronto last week, I was talking to a fellow passenger whose wife came from Bournemoufh, Eng., which is also the home of Partner's sister. I hap- pened to remember this and said to him, "Tell your wife we have another visitor from Bournemouth." (Cicely was the first, and they met her last year). "Oh, is that so . and when did she arrive?" he asked. 1 told him. "Well, what a strange thing. My brother-in-law has just come over, too, and he also was on ttie Empress of France." So you see what I mean â€" two people, unknown to each other, left at the same time, from the same town in England. Irayeled on the same boat, and theh came to the same little town in Ontario. Now if they had been pretty much ot an age, and unattached, just see the possibilities for a romance. But in this case the opportunity was wasted as the boy is 16 and my sister-in-law is older than I , am. Too bad! Then, how about this : Last week 1 went to our W.I. district annual. After the meeting, a lady came up to me and said. "You are Mrs. Clarke, are you not?" I had to confess that I was. "Then you came from Chaplin, didn't you?" Chap- lin I 1 couldn't believe my ears. Chaplin is a little village on the Saskatchewan Prairie that we left 2T years ago. It is such a small place that 1 never e.xpected to meet anyone again who had ever been there. .-Knd yet, here in busy On- tario, was someone who knew all about it. 1 was thrilled. During our all too short conversation, I dis- covered this lady had lived in the Chaplin district until eight years ago. "We were there all through Hie depression," she said. Just then 1 saw a fellow Institute worker with whom I had been given a ride. and I knew she was waiting for me, so 1 had to go. But ever since I met the lady from the West, her chance remark has haunted me â€" "We were there through the de- pression!" Just one short sentence and what a lot may lay behind it. Heaven only knows the depression down here was bad enough, but imagine living through a depression in the Du.st Bowl of Canada. I hate to think of it. We were on the Prairie long enough for me to realize just about what that would mean. 'We think the heat and con- tinued dry weather down here ^ terrible, but think what it would be like on the shadeless Prairie. Ye.s, even in this, the worst diougJit this part of Ontario has ever experienced, I can still look around and think how much we have to be tiiankful for. We arc going to be hard hit, there isn't a doubt about that, but siitsly once ill a decade we should be able to tal«e a poor year without too much grumbling about it. Generally speaking, we have good-to-average crops year after year. When winter comes our barns are nearly always well filled; mows loaded to the beams with hay and grain, and the cat.le contentedly munching awav at the good feed in their mangers. Actually right now it is the cat- tle we worry about the most. There is so little feed for them and the poor things must feel the heat ter- ribly. Fortunately, we have plenty of shady spots in our fields, but sometinies, when driving along the road, we see cat;le pastured in fields where there isn't one bit of shadeâ€" almost as bad as those arid Prairie fields around Chaplin that 1 remember so well. Some folks blame this torrid heat on zealous politicians â€" they say it will be cooler after the elec- tion. There may be something to that for there is certainly plenty of oftns9ct Bitesâ€" HttaRtah Quickl Stop Itching of insect bites, heat taah. MMina, hivea, pimplM, gcales, scabies, aUilcte â-  foot aad otlier eztemally caused aldn troubles. U»8 qu ick-acting, soothing, antiseptic O. D. D. nKSCRimoM. Greaseless. sCsliiltw Itrb hot air circulating throughout t4ic count»y, no matter where you go. As for the radio â€" I am afraid sometimes that all the tubes will burn out. A funny thing happened the other night. A very impassioned speech was being broadcast when suddenly . . . whiflF . . . and a fuse gave out. I am wondering how Partner's sister is standing this weather. We haven't heard from her so we are hoping she is enjoying breezes from the lake somewhere or other. There is something to be said for a cottage by the lake these days. And I havt a standing invitation to visit in the Haliburton region 1 Wouldn't I like to go! It is too bad farm folks' buay time has to come in hot weather, isn't it? Going Fishing? Improve your chances with "GE'TS 'EM" â€" artificial worms (plastic) fortified with ox-blood. They squirm like live worms, can be used for all types of fish- ing where live worms are used. Endorsed by users everywhere. They save vou time and monev mnaumm "Now," began the architect, '"i you'll give me a general idea of the kind of house you need â€" " "I want something," replied the husband, "to go witili a door- knocker my wife brought home from Java." SADDLES GENUINE UNIVERSAL OFRCERS' AMOAaOMMnM Women like them because they're absolutely clean, no slime or odor. Over 12 millions sold in United States. Now being pro- duced in Canada. 50 cents a packet of 12. Send ONE DOLLAR for two full- size packets (postpaid). Try "GETS 'EM" artificial worms today â€" they'll improve your catch If Your Local Dealer Cannot Supply You, Write MARPAX SALES 921 WOODBINE AVE.. Toronto, Canada S'24 SVORTH $50.00! m B LIMITED QUANTITYI ORDER YOURS EARLY! 700 â€" Top 8rad« ridtntr eaddl« issued to cavalnr officers anil recalled. Perfect condition. Built over a atrong . ste«l frame plua hardwood panel ba«e. ST KWl. STIBRITPH. STIKRUF STRAPS ,\ND 81KCINOUB INCLt'I>£D Vr.Vn LARGE A1.L WOOL WI^NKETl Cost tlOO to produc* â- ic to^l.-iy's saddle prices. 8htp. VVt., 24 lbs. Delivery charg^e •'Xlra. 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"t" digMtive juioea in your ttomsob MiU bowela â€" help you digest what you hav. eaten in Nature « own way. Then moet /olk« got the kind ol reliel that makee you leei better from vour head to youx e«e. Juet be eure you get the genuine Carter'a UttJe Lirer Pille from vonr finiotist -3io. '• If you w«mt to be really bright brush up with NUGGET " BLACK. OX-BLOOD JUtD ALL SHADES OF BROWN ) DID YouNUGGET '» YOUR SHOES THIS MORNING? ByArtnur Ij^o.met