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• • • JUST IN FUN • • • Overdone A doctor who had a neuracthcn- ic patient said to him: "Say eadi morning 'The Mediterranean sun is beating down on nie and curing meV " A week afterwards his patient went to report progress. ''Doctor," he said, "I'm much better." "Good,"' replied the doctor. "Go on with the treatment and don't forget the Mediterranean sun is beating down on jou." In another week the doctor called on him and was horrified to find the blinds down. "What's happened?" he inquir- ed of the maid. "Please, sir, Mr. Robinson's very m." "Heavens, what was the cause?" "Sunstroke, sir." Free Air! One of those tiny new postwar motor cars was stopped in front of a service station. "Gimme a pint of gasoline and three ounces of oil, please," re- quested the big man squeezed in behind the wheel. "O.K.," said the station attend- ant. "Would you like me to sneeze in your tires?" Handy Gadget On her first visit to the city, Kttle Mary, who had always Uved on a farm, saw a sprinkling cart for the first time. "Mummy, mummy, come here quick," she called excitedly, "see what this man has fixed on the back of his wagon to keep the Irids from hooking a ridel" Thrifty Then there was the Scotsman who returned home unexpectedly and found his wife with her lover. "Stand one behind the other," ordered the enraged husband, draw- ing a revolver. "Then 1 can make one bullet do." VICTORY AWARDS Two new bronze medals, above, will soon be ready for distribution to United States veterans. At top is the World War II Victory Medal which will go to veterans who served from December 7, 1941, to December 31, 1946. The Amer- ican Defence Service Medal, below, fa for service between September 8, 1939. and December 7, 1941. Scrubbing Comes High A Far Rockaway, N.Y., resident reports this incident as true: An- swering the front door bell the housewife was confronted by a colored lady who asked: "Does you need a body lo do a day's cleaning?" To which the housewife counter- ed: "What do you charge?" The reply came: " Ah gets a dollar an hour; and when Ah bends. Ah gets a dollar-and-a-half." Temptation As the train pulled uj) at the way- side station the guard noticed smoke pouring out of a compart- ment labelled "Xo Smoking." Open- ing the door, he eyed the six guilfy- looking passengers seated inside. "Gentlemen," he remarked, "tliere are two rules on this liu' which are repeatedly broken. First, that smok- ing is forbidden in carriages not set aside for that purpose. Second, that the company's servants may not accept bribes. You have already broken one of these rules." Same Occupation A story goes that a wealthy visitor to an English elementary school offered a whole crown to the student who could propound the best riddle. A shrewd yoimg lady of ten won the pri^e when she inquired, "Why am I like Princess Elizabeth?" The visitor stumped and request- ed tlic answer. "Because," replied the young Miss demurely, "I am waiting for the crown!" Eyeopeners An elderly minister thought it advisable to marry. Calling on one of his elders to inform him of his intention, he said: "You see, I'm an old man now and I cannot ex- pect to be here very long, so I tecl that when the time comes 1 would like to have someone to close my eyes." "Aweel," replied the elder, "I've had twa, and I can tell ye they opened mine." Well Caught Gcrt: Did you ever catch your husband flirting? Bess: Yes, that's how I did catch him. Book Parade A quarter placed in a new U.S. slot machine will start a "parade" of 96 of the latest paper-backed books. Pull a lever when you see the one you want and it slides out. It Pays To Provide 'Lounge' For Cows That milk from contented cows has extra nutritive as well as ad- vertising value has been demon- strated in experiments conducted imdcr the auspices of New York State, says The New York Sun. A cow at liberty to wander about in a "loafing barn" pays off with milk of higher nutritional content than does her sister anchored to a stanchion. Such a bovine lounge .•should have a ceiling at least ten feet liigh and the cow should be free to enter and leave at will. Al- lowed to pick lier own spot tor rumination, she will keep herself cleaner, run less risk of suffering injury and consume more of the roughage essential to the best nnlk. There was a time when few dairy farmers could consider providing lounges for their cows. But in these days of guaranteed prices the cow has brought a more abundant life to many farms. It seems only just that she should share in the bene- fits. HOME-TOWN ECHOES By C. Kessler Historian Claims Hitler Really Dead Killing a legend is like laying a ghost â€" an unsatisfactory achieve- ment because people will continue to believe in both. The legend that Hitler was not dead was so persistent that to avert its political dangers in Germany, the British government in Septem- ber 1945 commissioned a noted his- torian, Mr. H. F. Trevor-Roper, to examine into all the evidence of the last hours of the infamous dictator in the underground "bunker" where with Eva Braun he took refuge as the Red Army was breaking into his flame-and-homb shattered capi- tal, says the Ottawa Citizen. The historian's findings have just been published. He met and questioned many of the actors in the terrible drama who remained alive after the capture of Berlin. Hfe sifted all the written evidence derived from the questioning of others. His conclusions are that Hitler shot himself through the mouth .and that Eva Braun poison- ed herself. Her face was seen as her body was carried out of the shelter but Hitler's smashed face was covered with a cloth. His black trousers, however, were recognized by witness<Â¥ who alter- wards testified to the fact. That another body could have l)een substituted for Hitler's no witness questioned would consider for a moment. It was Hitler and none other, they maintained, who killed himself on that day in April 1945 when he realized that his blood-bespattered rule was ended and with it the existence of the German nation. VOICE OF THE PRESS Where Peace Is Needed A dispatch from Nanking says China has been working for several months on preliminary drafts of a peace treaty with Japan. It might be much more to the point if China were to work on a peace with China. â€" rBrantford Expositor. Her Holiday Postcard from girl on vacation: "Having a wonderful time. Wish I could afford it." â€" Abbott Pharm Agraph. Save the Walk If you buy a car you do not have to walk to the bank to make de- posits. Vou have none to make. â€" Brandon Sun. Cheap At Any Price Cost of weather information dur- ing the war years was $11,000,000, says Andrew Thomson, of the Meteorological Bureau. What we would like to know is how much some warm weather would cost? â€" Owen Sound Sun-Times. Evolution 1895â€" Look! A liorse! 1925 â€" Look! A motor car! 1955 â€" Look! A pedestrian! For Saleâ€" One Idea D. C Abbott says his "personal" sympathies" are in favor of Income- tax reduction. Now it remains to be seen if he can sell the idea to the Minister of Finance. â€" Ottawa Journal. Safe Bet You can safely bet on a girl's wedding if she starts her married life with more kitchen aprons than lounging robes. â€" Chatham News. For The Indians It's old-fashioned to suggest giv- ing this country back to he Indians. The modern plan is to let the War Assets Corporation sell it back to them at 20 per cent discount. â€" Peterborough Examiner. Improved Turkey The experts are attempting to produce a bigger and better turkey. We are fairly well pleased with that bird as it is, but could go for one with a couple more drumsticks. And no neck! â€"Ottawa Citizen. Vou Will Enjoy Slajlac At The St. Regis Hotel TORONTO Evcrr Room WKk Batk Sbovrcr and Telcrboaa Slnslo, »2.II» «•!â-ºâ€" Dontil'F, W.M up Good Food. DInlas aad Daac- IBK lllsktir Sherboarae at Carltaa Tel. RA. 418lt ft i Come June It is predicted that we shall reach the all-time high In the cost of living by June and that's the time so many decide two can live as cheaply as one! , â€" Brandon Sun. Playing Safe In a microscopic study of pocket change, girl students of St. Xavicr's Academy in Providence, Rhode Island, have discovered that bac- teria avoid dimes but cuddle up to nickels. Maybe that explains why so many people avoid attending church. They're afraid of the germs on the collection plates. St. Thomas Times-Journal. ROO.MS BEACTIFULLl FCBNISnED Jl 50 up HOTEL METROPOLE NIAOAKA FAIX8 OPP. â€" C.N.B. STATION \ Hi A. -a- %. Instantine ' FAST RELIEF ' /JTABllTSjrrf All '• ONLr »^r oBue - 1 4 < i We in Canada have now come through the hardest part of the post-war adjustment period. By buying in moderation only what we really needed, by resisting the natural desire to rush madly after long-absent luxuries, we have been able to keep prices at reasonable levels. We have been ableâ€" so farâ€" to escape the strife and the uselessness of inflation. Knowing where we want to go, we have also known hotv to get there. Credit for this lies with the foresighted planning of our Government â€" the wisdom of the peopleâ€" and the Canadian habit of moderation in all thinss. which as The House of Seagram has long maintained, is unquestionably one of this country's finest assets. ^tymf/t w4o S^n^ ^ ^fftoffot^ ^/vtcitce ^y^HM/efoffm S^of/' THEHOlSEOFmmM^^"^ POP â€" Not Contagious 'mfcT's THE MATTER , SOM V By J. MILLAR WATT IM HAVING TROUBI-E WITH ECZEMA I m^u.-^^^ Ill toll < on 11 £ gracious) HOSV DIP YOU eer that I HAVEN'r &Or IT ! r CAN'T SPELi- IT > â-