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: Mi A r I CT ^ â€" K â€" JUST IN FUN Most Yoa B« Different A man found it necessary to have hii graadfather clock re- paired and because it was difficult to get it tT;.nsported to the repair •hop, he undertook to carry it him- •eH. Tb« clock obstructed his vision â- omcwhat, and unfortunately he cotKdcd with a lady pedestrian, who refosed to be appeased by his pro- -fose apologies. "Why don't you wear a wrist watch like anybody else?" she de- manded. LIFE'S LIKE THAT Engliah Infltteace There's a good story told about tfi« deep itnprcssioa that years of being stationed in Scotland has had oa Polish soldiers. One of th« Poles, on leave in L<)ad(>a<. â-  England, was asked: ^lave you learned to speak En- sUsh yet?" The Polish soldier replied with a •mile: "Ay, a wee bit, mon." Warning The boys were advancing in Banna and the heat was terrific. Tommy wrote home to his mum and said in his letter: "The heat is •baling, mum, it's 108 in the •hade." Some months later he got a let- ter back from his mum, who wrote: "Very worried about you, son. For goodness sake keep out of the â- hade." On* Remedy The Teacher wrote on the black- board. "I ain't had no fun all sum- mer." Then she asked a youngster on the front row: "Harry, what should I do to correct that?" "Mebbeâ€" get a boy friend?" he •nggested helpfully. Too Bad A merry party was going on in one the rooms of a hotel when the festivities were interrupted by an mtteodant, who said: "Gentlemen, I've been sent to ask you to make leas noise. The guest in the next room says he can't read." "Can't re«d?" replied the host. "Well tell him he" otight to be .ashamed of himself. Why, I could read when I was five." Paving The Way "Please, sir," said the small boy nervously on coming into class, "ought I to be punished for some- thing I haven't done?" "Of course not," said the master kindly. "Please, sir," said the small boy with a sigh of relief, "I haven't done my homework." Only Duity liistress: "Look here, Mary. This chair is covered with dust." Mary: "Yes, ma'am. I reckon no- body has sat in it lately." Mistaken Identity A parrot, escaping from its cage, sat sunning itself upon the roof of a neighbouring house. A workman, •ent to bring it down, crawled on all fours across the slates and was about to stretch out his hand to grab the fugitive, when he found himself exposed to a merciless bar- rage of rich and lusty swear words. The man sat back on his haunches and raised his hat respect- fully. "1 beg your pardon, sir," he said, "1 thought you was a bird." . Stumped One of the guests turned to a man by his side to criticize the singing of a woman who was try- ing to entertiin them. "What â- *. terrible voicel Do you know who she is?" "Yes," was the answer. "She's my wife." "Oh, I beg your pardon. Of eoufoe it isn't her voice, really. It's the stuff she has to sing. I won- der who wrote that awful song?" "1 did," was the answer. Keep It Going A young woman stalled her car at a traffic light. She stamped on the starter, tried again, choked her engine, while, behind her, an im- patient motorist honked his horn •teadily. Finally she got out and walked ba^k. "I'm awfully sorry, but I don't â- cem able to start my car," she told the driver of the other car pleasantly. "If you'll go up there and start it for me, I'll stay here and lean on your horn." An Open Mind Woman; "I'm not prejudiced at all. I'm going with a perfectly •pee and unbiased mind to listen to what I'm convinced is pure rub- bi«h" Not Long '1 wonder if Howard will love e when I'm old?" "You'll know pretty toon now. By Fred Neher ^ou think YOUR %^fe is thrifty, she made you a tie rut of her old bathing suit . . . my wife made herself a bathing suit out of one of my ties ! !" U. S. Army Group .tnxirrr Xo Prri-loaa Puszir HORIZONTAL 1 Depicted is insigne of the U. S. Army «4th 7 Light brown 8 Accomplish 9 Seine 11 Pinnacle 12 Caterpillar hair J4 French coin 16 Paused 18 Bristly 31 German city 32 Change 33 Pint (ab.) •4 Delirium tre- mens (ab.) 25 Symbol for selenium 36 Decimeter (ab.) 27 Negative 39 Right (ab.) 30 Cloth measure 33 Debit note (ab.) S3 Test 35 Hindu queen 37 Make sad 39 Repeals 40 Hawaiian wreath 41 Footless 44 Late Ameri- can humorist 45 Tree 47 Either 48 Indian 49 Falter VERTICAL 1 Bounded 2 Within 3 Fish 4 Drunkard '6 Upon 6 Cuddle 7 Hurl 10 Blow a horn 11 Trial 12 South Dakota (ab.) 13 Like 15 Employed 16 Regrefs Highlights of the News No Garden of Eden Yet In case anyone thouglit every- thing in the proverbial garden was lovely, let it be noted that the L'nited Kingdom is still going on bread rationing, that there is still famine in China and India, and near-starvation over half of Europe. â€" Brantford Expositor. Reason For Tragedies So long as people drive automo- biles carelessly, so long as small boats are overloaded, so long as non-swimmers and swimmers of limited capacity go into water un- safe for them, so long shall we have tragedies. â€" Ottawa Journal. Comparison Someone has said that love is like a baseball game. You can't get to first base without a diamond. â€" Dunnville Chronicle. Dual-Purpose Cow Mixed farming appears to be making some headway in the west. Ad. in the Saskatoon Star-Phoenix: "For sale â€" Jersey cow that gives milk and new potatoes." â€" Ottawa Citizen. 17 Name 18 Pertaining the East 20 Animals 28 Verbal 29 Vegetable 31 WooUy 32 Strike out 34 Notion 36 Bare to 38 Symbol for "sodium 39 Paid notice 42 Hawaiian food 43 Morsel 46 Him 48 Note in Qui- do's scale £3 27 31 S>7?^ *M z& 3H US i'* '4i Z"* H<\ w IZ 4b \i fe la 3B 1 tM if m 43 zi 30 3S m te 10 31 z u^ 20 ir Zb mi ii. to ^§m 3Z. Mistaken Many men think it is their work which is burdensome, when it is the chip on their shoulder which is holding them down. â€" Kiwanis Magazine. A Falling bottom A financial columnist believes that it will be another year before the bottom falls out of the used car market. But we doubt if we can keep the bottom of our own car from falling out for this length of lime. â€" Toronto "Saturday Night" Isn't It So? If you talk about your troubles And tell them o'er and o'er. The world will think you like 'em And proceed to give you more. â€" Exchange. Not Much! An association of pipers has been formed in Manitoba to foster the art of pibroch playing. And yet it was Sir James Barrie who laid it down that the "grandest moral attribute of a Scotsman" was that "he will do nothing which might damage his career." â€" Ottawa Citizen. Tough Foot Folk Pedestrians are becoming tough- •r all the time and they may yet succeed in avoiding extinction. The other day a St. Loui:: jaywalker, who was bowled over by a street- car and then run over by a truck, got up and knocked down a traffic cop who bawled him out. â€" Kitchener Record. Hitler Was Too Late Three-quarters of a ton of uran- ium ore was discovered amid the wreckage of the Krupp works in Germany. Hitler was a bit too^ate with his atomic research, and the Western Allies beat him to the draw. â€" Hamilton Spectator. Only Two Exceptions Perhaps you don't like onions. And perhaps the very thought of s trans-Atlantic airplane trip gives you the jitters. Nevertheless, we would advise you to invest in both, just a matter of principle. They are the only two commodities in post-war memory on which the price has gone down. â€" Chatham News. That's All! Russia does not really differ from other nations. She only wants peace, unity and understanding and her own way. â€" Brandon Sun. We Hope Hush, little dollar, don't you cry; you'll buy a dollar's worth, bye and bye! â€" Windsor Star. 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