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t - { : 1 > f -T JOST IN FON ^ Take Your Choice Rastus and Liza were married but a short time when he came home with a big wash tub a wasli- board and a handsome three-foot mirror. Liza: "VVIiut's all dc truck you briing?" Rastus:: "You-all kin take you' pick. Yo' kin take de tub an' wash- boari . an' go to work, or you kin Jake de mirror an' set down and watch you'se'f starve.'' Two Ways A bumptious fellow was giving tvidence in a police-court. "You say you stood up?" askeU the magistrate. "I said," retorted the conceited one, that I stood. If one stands one must stand up. There's no other way of standing." â- 'Oh, isn't there?" replied the magistrate. "Pay two pounds for tontempt of court, and . . . stand down!" Proper Exit " What happened after you were (i.rown out of the side exit on your face?" "I told the fellow I belonged to a very important family." "And then?" "He begged my pardon, asked me in again and threw me out of (he front door." Good Reasoti The park orator looked around. "You, my friend," he said, gaz- ing intently at a member of his au- dience, "are you treading the straight and narrow path?" The man nodded. "I am." "And do you find it easy?" "When I started 1 didn't, but BOW it comes naturally to me. 1 don't know how I'd get on if I didn't stick rigidly to it and keep my mind on nothing else " ".\nd will you e.tplain to these ladies and gentlemen why you feel you should continue on the straight and narrow path?" "Certainly. If 1 didn't I should tail off. I'm a tight-rope walker." The Test One Sunday morning the pastor oi a congregation noticed that an old face had reappeared among his flock and after the sermon wel- comed the supposedly repentent backslider. "This is the first time you've been to church for a long time," he said. "I'm glad to see you." "Ah done had to come. Ah needs strengthcnin'. Ise got a job white-washin" a chicken coop an' buitdin' a fence 'round a water- melon patch." Profitable Father hau been teaching little Pobby how to do sui\:s. Six times he had held out a ihreepenny-piece and a penny and asked his son which he would have. Each time Bobby hai' taken the penny. "Surely, Bobby," said father at last, "you know a threepenny- piece is worth more to you than a penny?" "Not the way you're teaching me,' said the youngster. "I've made threepence on the deal already." An Idea He had taken a long time com- ing home from work, and his wile nagged at him for being late for dinner, .'Xt last she decided to change the conversation, and said chattily: "I hear poor Mr. Jones has had hi.s wife killed." ".â- \nd not a bad idea, neither, ' replied her husband sourly. Assistance As the sc>.un<l sponged the bai! ly battered fciturcs oi tlie wuuld- bc world cluiinpion, he murinered ill tones of di'gust: "It't, all right. Bill.' We've sent for a private detective." "Wliai the dickens do 1 want a private I'etective for?" sorrow- fully asked the lighter. "Well," snccrin/ly piped the stcond, "he'll help \ >- to find the chap you'vi been yii g to hit during the last nine 'lUfids." Home Aga'r A colored parson, eiilliuji upon one of his flock, fonml the object of his visit oi;t in the back yard working ;im ng his hen coops. He noticed with surprise th.it ll.crc were nci chickens. "Why, Hnidder Brown." he ask- ed, "whah'r all you' chickens?" "Huh,'' grunted Brother Brown, without looking up, "some fool niggah lef de do' open an' dcy all went home." 4 He Flew "Hallo, old man. I havn't seen you for some time." "I've been in bed for seven weeks." "That's too bad. Flu, 1 •upposc ? " "Vci and craiihed." VOICE OF THE PRESS zi/ "Goor" Luck" Fracture Note to the superstitious: The other day a man broke his arm throwing salt over his shouhler. â€" Kitchener Record. A Tougher Job It's easy turning out ships and planes like doughnuts in time of war. The truly Herculean feat is to build a couple of million houses amid the distractions of peace. â€" Detroit News Glad They're Cows An .Xustralian farmer has in- stalled a radio in his milking shed, because it keeps the cows quiet, and "they seem to like the news." After what they hear, it is likely that the beasts appreciate the ad- vantage of being cows. â€" Toronto Saturday Night Extinct What has become of the old- fashioned business man who said, "I can't complain"? â€" Winnipeg Tribune Change To Farmers If all the hWor<i,s were beaten in- to plowshares and all the cannon into pruning forks, what a bunth of farmers these armament manu- facturers would look like. â€" Chatham News No More â€" No Less Five-day-week advocates pos- sibly have forgotten the Fourth Commandment "Six days shalt thou labor." â€" Stratford Beacon- Herald. Given a Chance One thing about those Nazi war criminals: they are at least being given a chance to die of old age. â€" Hamilton Spectator. Well-Traveled Road Up at Fort Frances. Oni,, tlicy are buildi g a road to a place call- ed Despair. We thought the path to the place was well-worn already. â€" Peterborough Examiner. Solving Llnemplojmient A farmer's wile points out that if a girl wishes to solve permanently the problem of personal unemploy- ment, she should marry a farmer. â€" Kitchener Record. Sticktoitivenesa Perseverance is sticking to some- thing you are not stuck on. â€" Ouebec Chronicle Telegraph Easy Time The seamen'.-, union demands re- duced hours on ships at sea. And what would seamen do with their spare time? Lean over and watch the mermaids? â€" Brandon Sun. Might Be "Goats Survive Bikini Bombing." But supposing ne.xt time you're the goat! â€" Windsor Star. And Not a Slip On* "Courtship" is defined by a col- umnist as "that period in which h girl wraps a man around her little finger, preparatory to putting hiiu under her thumb." But that's only part of the story. She takes the poor guy to a preacher and ha* him tied in a knot. â€"Ottawa Citizen. Credit Canada's Sunshine Sugar beets in Alberta show % sugar recovery of about 3,400 pounds per acre, in Britain about 2,850 pounds per acre. Credit the difference to our sunshine. â€" Lcthbridge Herald." D'J'EVER? Deodorized Pets Deodorized s! unks are being sold at ""40 apiece in the State of Oregon as household pets, more comp ionable than cats and not a menace to bird hfe cither. â€" St. Catharies Spectator. .%BHwer 1o Previous PuxEle Stage Actress HORIZONTAL 50 1,5 Pictured actress 10 Erbium (symbol) 11 Each (ab.) 12 Measures of cloth 13 Account of (ab.) 14 Electrical engineer (ab.) 15 Lieutenant (ab.) 16 Born 17 Transpose (ab.) 18 Conductor 19 Toward 21 Like 22 South Amer ica (ab.) 24 Exclamation 26 Inspires reverence 28 Accomplished 30 Short sleep 31 Possess 32 Network (anat.) 33 Sprightly dance, 35 Measure of area 36 Nova Scotia (ab.) 38 Any 39 Greek letter 40 Fishes 44 And (Latin) 46 Age 47 Bone 48 Iron (symbol) Myself Fish eggs Southeast (ab.) Upon Sainted ones She is a star VER'nCAL Honey maker Before Shouts Tardy Sell On the shelt- ered side Employers Chapeau Neither Tantalum (symbol) 20 Possessor 21 Species of tree 23 Decorate 24 Subjoin 25 Him 27 Dine 29 Be indebted 32 Egyptian sun god 34 Long Island (ab.) 37 Determined 38 Property item 41 Underground part of plant 42 Individuals 43 Misfortune 44 Printer's measures 45 Beverage 48 Mist 49 Compass point i ~ r 4- 5- b 7 a 1 10 u IZ. o \ m iS lb y\ & •r n 20 H 1 1 iz. L isT iS lb n M m za Sr ^^ 30 K i 31 32. ^i*^ 33 n 3t 35- 36 37 38 L_ 3M ^" M Ht « HH H? M4 HI He 44 50 ;i 5Z 5-s ) 5H a _ Jl DOEVeC CeT THE ANNUAL URGE TO CLEAN OUT "TUB CUPBOARDS AND THE ATTIC DESPITE YOUR WIPE'S PROTESTS AND, AS USUAL, WHEN You CO THROUGH THE SO-CALLED OUHK YOU FIND A PLOCK OP STUFPTHAT, W/TH AF6W PEPAJR.5, CAM 8E MADE USEPUL AGAIN WITH THE RESULT THAT BEFORE You REAUZE IT You've SAWEDYOORSELF (SUITE A Few PENNI&S M-DOEVEP. PEEL UkB PATTINCVOURSSLF ON THE BACK WHEN YOU REALISE THAT You're acso He.uPiNC t© F/CHT INFLATIOM •* DAWES liM%0n H BREWERY THE SPORTING THING "I first became interesteil in buttons while checking the col- lection phites!" MUTT AND JEFFâ€" please page me a hunk of lightning! By BUD FISHER By J. MILLAR WATT REG'LAR FELLERSâ€" Bound to Come Clean By GENE BYRNES EXPE.^ CLfANiNG