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'Page 4, News, Tuesday, March 24, 1992 The Terrace Bay - Schreiber News is published every Tuesday by Laurentian Publishing Limited, Box 579, 13 Simcoe Plaza, Single copies 50 cents. Subs. rates: $18 per year. Seniors $12 (local); $29 per year (out of 40 Tel.: 825-3747 # Publisher.............. A. Sandy Harbinson Advertising Mgr.... CONOF acc cceeiscicss Darren MacDonald Linda R. Harbinson m : = ; mile radius); $38 in U.S. Add oO Terrace Bay, Ont., POT-2W0 Fax: 807-825-9233. Office hours GST toyeatly subs. Iivertiainegdberts 2 Cheryl Kostecki = Tuesday-Friday, 9-5. Second class mailing permit 0867. Marit ee ie 4 Member of the Ontario Community Newspaper Association ae dmin. Asst.................. ayle Fournier and the Canadian Community Newspaper Association. Canada We [25 Co-op Student................ Marvin Fulton Anybody in need of a Christmas card from 1982? If you were to take a peek in my closet sometime, in amongst the skeletons you would find piles and piles of junk. Well, it's not junk to me, but to any other member of the human race, it's junk pure and simple. Then again, you never know when a cardboard three leaf clover leftover from a 1988 St. Patrick's Day party is going to come in handy. Or when I'll need to refer to my grade 9 french tests--suppose I fall in love with a french Canadian woman who likes to conjugate the verb "étre" in the past perfect tense. It could happen. As I get older, I collect more and more of this stuff. It used to all fit in a shoe boxes, but recently I've graduated to those Sears boxes they give out at Christmastime for their customers to wrap presents in. Now I have plenty of room to store every sin- gle birthday card I have received since grade 12 and my collec- tion of phone bills dating back to 1986, my first year-of univer- sity (which also happened to be the first year I paid my own phone bill). I don't know how I became a pack rat. It's not hereditary--my parents have a few things saved in a grey metal box at home, but I have a lot more stuff now than they do after 40 years of collecting--and they have five kids to collect for. I don't even have a dog. But for reasons I don't quite understand, every now and then I'll sift through the rubbish and remember certain periods in my life, and think about people I had almost completely forgotten. Nostalgia is what you'd call it. And if it was up to me to decide whether or not the Town Hall in Schreiber should be renovated or demolished, guess which I would choose. Heck, one year in school I filled my bed- room with newspapers until I could barely get through the door--and this was when recycling was something hippies did. And that's probably why I've never been elected to public office. I'm no expert, but the Hall looks to me like it's in pretty desperate shape. I took a tour of it last weekend, and I don't think anyone who doesn't have an emotional attachment to it could support trying to restore it. But I'm glad I don't have to make the decision, and I don't envy those that do. | Audrey who? In the past twelve Subscription Order Form Enclosed is my cheque Bill me later PLEASE SEND ME A COPY OF THE PAPER EACH WEEK NEWS Box 579, Terrace Bay, Ontario POT 2W0 Within 40 miles...$18 Outside 40 miles...629 USA...$38 Seniors...$12 Inside 40 mile radius only Please add 7% G.S.T. eeeccccccecosccocoocsecsoces NAME ADDRESS ee ee ee ee ey i i ! I ; I I I I I I I 1 I a | i i i I { I ! i al A cure for what ails you You feeling a little weird these days? Kind of antsy and indecisive--frustrated and confused? Not to fear --Doctor Black is here to offer his world renowned newsprint diagnosis. Just hold this newspaper column against your forehead and count slowly to ten. Um hmmm. Just as I suspected. You're suffer- ing from Terminal Canadianism. It's highly conta- gious and it's going around. Most Canucks you meet these days are jittery and distracted--as if they're an their fifteenth cup of cof- fee. I don't believe it's dietary. I don' even think it's physical. I think it's political. Consider the situation Canadians find them selves in these days. & Eighty-nine per cent of us loathe and | despise the federal government and would love to turf it out on its collec- tive keister { Which if fine as far as it goes-- but then what? Jean Chretien and the Liberals? Get serious. AS Audrey McLaughlin for PM? "3 months, Elvis has been sighted more often than the NDP leader. Who then--Preston Manning? Mister Rogers meets Howdy Doody? Puhleeze. That's the Canadian Conundrum in a nutshell. Damned if we do and cursed if we don't. No won- der we're all feeling a little nutzoid. We don't have any prospective leaders we'd trust with the good silver, let alone the country. But you know what folks? I have the perfect candidate. ° A man who could eat the aformentioned shmoes alive in any televised debate. A man whose honesty, wit and charm would make Trudeaumania look like a heat rash. Yessir, my man is the perfect nominee for Prime Minister of Canada. Well . . . not quite perfect, actually. Only two small drawbacks stand between Mister X and the front door key to 24 Sussex. Number one, he's American; number two, he's - Arthur Black oe Rogers is the gent I'm talking about. Bom in Indian Territory back in 1879, Rogers made his name on stage with the Ziegfeld Follies doing rope tricks and such. He went on to become a syndicated columnist and then an intemationally known film actor. By the 1930s, Will Rogers was a household name. By 1935 he was dead, killed in a plane crash in Alaska. Rogers would have been the kind of political candidate campaign managers salivate = On Calvin Coolidge: ""He's | the first president to discover fj that what the American peo- "@ ple want is to be left alone." ' On silver-tongued orator William Jennings Bryan: "He can take a batch of words and scramble them together and leaven them properly with a hunk of oratory and knock the White House doorknob right out of a candidate's hand." But you didn't have to be a politician to get skewered by Rogers. At a Boston soiree, Rogers, who was part Sioux, was introduced to a snotty dowager who haughtily informed him that she counted the original Pilgrims among her ances- tors. "Well my folks didn't come over on the Mayflower" drawled Rogers, "but they were there to greet the boat." Did he ever think of running for President while he was alive? Absolutely not. "T not only 'don't choose to run' for President" said Rogers, "I don't even want to leave a loop- hole in case I-am drafted, so I won't 'choose'. I will say 'won't run' no matter how badly the country: may need a comedian by that time."