The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Page 4, Terrace Bay-Schreiber News, Wednesday, July 17, 1985 Ace Hes The Terrace Bay-Schreiber News is published every Wednesday by: : oe y Laurentian Publishing Co. Ltd., Box 579, Terrace Bay, Ontario, POT 2W0. Telephone: (807) 825-3747. GENERAL/ADVERTISING MANAGER ................. Vivian Ludington ; SUMMER STUDENT |. Sf i ce ke ls Pam Ludington OEFIGES= 3 eS ee a Gayle Fournier Gg : PRODUCTION MANAGER........................-..-0205- Mary Melo Ss 'oe Crime Against Seniors Anger, outrage, upset and sadness are all good words to describe how I feel and I am sure that I speak for a lot of peo- ple in this town when I tell you that our Senior Citizens have been vandalized. This crime has come in.the form of the slashing of the tires on the van (or bus) that our local Seniors use as their only means of transportation. It is not only used to transport them to events of entertainment but it is also used to take any of the folks who are in wheelchairs to Doctor's appointments, etc. I don't know what kind of sick mind would do such a horri- ble thing, but I hope you have a good memory when you are old and you get what ever you have coming to you. Our Senior Citizens are our most treasured asset that we can give to our children and grandchildren, and then to have one or two very bad seeds spoil a garden of knowledge that they have to offer is cheap and miserable, and I do hope you are found, if you are not, that you suffer deeply with your own guilt. Not only is the Senior Citizens home private property, it does not seem possible that anyone of our Seniors could do anything as bad or mean to deserve such a punishment. It may be time that our community looks into the "*Neighbourhood Watch Programme."' It also seems a shame that we have to have youths in our town like this, when 99 per- cent of them are OK people in this "Year of the Youth."' Arthur Black Acctorvine 70 Lioyp FRANCIS THEY DON'7 ALWAYS GO UP JHE HILL FOR WATER Did You Know The first gold discovery in this area was in 1896 and each ton of rock containing .02 ozs. of gold sold for $15.53. The name game If you have a child this year, chances are better than average that you will name said kid "David", if a boy, or "Barbara", if a girl. Those are the two most common names for newborns in Canada right now -- closely trailed by Michael and Bruce and Carol and Joyce. I remember when my first born ar- rived. I got a Priority Post letter from my mother urging me not to name the baby anything, well, you know ... unusual ... heh heh. Mothers worry about stuff like that. And so they should. Kids have a tough enough time avoiding mugg- ings in the schoolyard without hav- ing to drag around handles like Obadiah or Hortensia. Some people of course, positively bask in the strangeness of their name. I suspect Mister Hero Zzyzzx falls in- to that category. Mister Zzyzzx is a resident of Madison, Wisconsin. You'll find him in last year's phone book. As a matter of fact, you' ll find him as the very last entry in last year's phone book. Hero claims his name is for real, but I suspect you'd find that he chang- ed his name just so he could be the last one in the phone book. There was a lot of that going around a few years ago. You could open phone direc- tories to the first page and find An- thony Aardvarks and Aaron Aalborgs jockeying for the first entry. It's fun to see people having fun with names. Not so funny when you see parents trying to chisel out a niche in history for themselves by saddling their offspring with portentous and pretentious monikers. I went to school with a kid whose given names included Augustus, St. Jean and Per- cival. Tough -- especially when said kid was growing up in a working class district of Toronto. Even tougher when the kid is known around the schoolyard as "Cootie". If you're reading this Cootie, take heart. It could've been worse. The great grandson of King Carlos III of Spain was called Don Alfonso de Borbon y Borbon. For short. Altogether and official- ly, Don Alfonso had eighty-nine Christian names. I still wince when I think of some of the kids born of pot-saturated, Woodstock-era Hippy Dips. Those kids must be coming out of their teenage years now. Sagging under the weight of names like Dancing Starflower, Nirvana Lotus and Bilbo Baggins. Over in Russia there are some middle-aged folks facing a similar problem for quite different ideological reasons. These folks were born in the Thirties to parents who were unabashed fans of old Joe Stalin and the Communist Revolution. Which is why an amazing number of these offspring carry the middle name **Melor". "Melor"' is an acronym that stands for "Marx, Engels, Lenin, October REvolution.'" The Party-approved name used to be "Melsor" -- with an "s". But when Stalin proved to have feet of clay and the ethics of a mass murderer, the "S" was discreetly deep-sixed. But "Melor" isn't the only nam- ing hangover from the over-zealous Thirties. A Soviet newspaper recently printed numerous letters from citizens complaining about their names. Some of the letters were signed by men whose first name was "Tractor" and by women whose parents had formal- ly dubbed them "Electricity" and ""Obligation". Can you imagine? How would you like to get mail addressed to "Five Year Plan Jones" or "Glorious Worker's Collective Smith"? Fortunately, Russians don't have to. There is a new Soviet law on the books giving citizens the right to change any name considered too cumbersome or laughable. I hope Wisconsin has a similar law, because Hero Zxyzzx is going to need it. The 1985 Madison phone books are out and Heros been bumped to second-last place. Let's really hear it for Mister Zachary Zzzzzzzzzra.