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October 5, 1967 SCHREIBER NEWS Mrs. Barry Harper and Mrs. Charlie Pearson spent the weekend in Winnipeg with Carol Lalonde, Mar- lene Birch, Bea McBride and Marilyn Pearson who flew in from Lynn Lake for the re-un ion. Allan Gilmour has returned from Almonte where he spent his vacation with his parents. Earl Handel was taken to Port Arthur General Hospital last week. J. V. "Butch" Moore is in Port Arthur General Hospital having had surgery . Attending the Fall Conference of the Federation of Women Teachers' Association of Ontario, held in the Port Arthur John Street school were Miss Gwen- doline Hadley and Mrs. Oscar Laine of Schreiber, president and secretary-treasurer of the Northshore Association which extends from Rossport to Manitou- wadge. Spats, named so for obvious reasons, and the proud possession of the family of O.P.P. Constable C.R. Duffy, paid a formal visit to the pupils of Miss Gwendoline Hadley, in Grade 4, Schreiber Public, School, Spats, age 15-1/2 years and weighing 18 pounds, carries himself with great dignity and has some very distinctive tastes and habits. He likes dog as well as cat food, enjoys table scraps, part- icularly corn, and is passionately fond of ice cream and sweet puddings. He runs to be vacuumed when floors are being done in the Duffy home, enjoys being out in snow or rain, sleeps during days in the - summer, and during nights in the winter . He is a mighty hunter, bringing all his trophies home to be admired. The students felt that after attending school here and in Manitouwadge, his scholastic record should be acknowledged and was presented the following certificate - The students of Miss Gwendoline Hadley herewith present a graduation diploma to Spats Duffy attesting that he has passed all tests of cats required by cats, in Grade 4, Schreiber Public School . The Duffys inherited Spats two years ago from friends leaving for England who were loathe to put him into the necessary long quarantine required before taking him along. There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self. TERRACE BAY NEWS THE Page 17 SPORTS BEAT By Glen May For the ladies Now that. the football season is heading toward its final weeks, I feel all females must receive briefing on some of the game's finer points. All of you culinary custodians must, at this time, realize that in order to pacify hubby during the football afternoons you have to join in the fun. Now this sounds quite a bit more difficult than it first ap- pears. You see, gals, there are many complicated rules to the game. If you don't know the rules you'll drive your mate to drink with inane questions. So, rather than see the old man guzzling the grape, I'll accept the challenge and outline a few of the rules for you. However, remember' one point: these rules could vary from game to game and situa- tion to situation. You be your own referee and judge. OFFSIDE: This occurs when you've told the old man he's had his last beer and you find him attempting to pilfer a pint from the refrigerator when he thinks you're having a nap. The penalty for this is hosting your youngest child's next birthday party himself. CLIPPING: Happens when you ask for your weekly sti- pend to handle groceries and hair-dresser. Instead of $30 your receive $20. Your mate says he thought he gave you three tens -- didn't realize there were only two. Penalty is forcing him to wash dishes for next month using borax with- out rubber gloves. ILLEGAL INTERFERENCE: Just 'when you're set to send the kids to bed for a misde- meanor, The Great One leaps to their defence, verbally. He embarrasses you and agrees with the children. Penalty here is to entertain bridge club re- gularily at 4 p.m. Friday after- noon for a few weeks. Make sure meeting doesn't end until at least 6 p.m. HOLDING: Maybe _ you're tired and listless. Hubby. is transformed into an octapus and doesn't believe the word "no" exists. To penalize here is diffi- cult, but something has to be done. How about going to the beauty salon and getting the full treatment? Arrive home and plant a loving kiss on Ro- meo's lips with a sultry: "Hiya, lover boy!" TIME OUT: This is called after your better (?) half chat- ters a constant stream of or- ders from his perch 6n the chesterfield. Penalty on . this one is not too severe. Next time he bellows for a sand- wich, try giving him banana and marmalade with hot mus- tard. FORWARD PASS. Usually happens when you're ready to curl up for a solid eight hours of peaceful sleep. A detailed description isn't necéssary on this page, so instead, here's the penalty. Go to bed the next two weeks wearing nothing but a stocking on your head, face cream, cheap perfume and chew gum. These are a few of the termi- nologies you'll encounter. Granted, there are others, but space won't permit their dis- cussion. Complete comprehen- sion of the above and you'll make out most satisfactorily. A couple of extra tips which you might file away for refer- ence are: Never, under any cir- cumstances, cheer against the team your man is rooting for. Best idea here is remain im- partial until outcome has been decided. If his team wins, praise him at being clever. If they lose, blame the referee. He will. Agree with him on all re- marks. Difference of opinion during football season can lead to animosity at other times of the year in other fields. And remember, you once said: "For better or for worse." Well gals, better times are ahead.