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www.insideHALTON.com | OAKVILLE BEAVER | Thursday, January 21, 2016 | 6 Bronte to be new home to The Lighthouse by Julia Le Oakville Beaver Staff Spotlight "Connected to your Community" D ealing with the loss of a loved one isn't a linear process; there are no so-called `stages of grief,' says Lighthouse Program for Grieving Children Executive Director Britta Martini-Miles. Instead, in her experience, Martini-Miles said those who have lost a family member handle the loss in their own, individual way. "It's not, rst you do this, then you do that. We're not programmed. We're people, who feel all sorts of things," said Martini-Miles during a recent tour she gave the Oakville Beaver of the currently empty house the support group has purchased to renovate to call its home in the fall. "We may feel sadness, we may feel anger and we may feel apathy all at the same time." Lighthouse has been helping people in the community for nearly 17 years, providing a forum for companionship for those who've experienced a life-altering death and learning to cope with the loss of a mother, father, sister or brother. Founded by Jo Fallon Founded by Jo Fallon, the agency has grown to include a board of directors, staff, facilitators and community volunteers that help run free, open-ended support programs to children, teens, and their parents/guardians, following a death in the family, for however long they may need it. Because everyone grieves differently, participants attend the groups for as long as needed with no set deadlines or expectations, said Martini-Miles, who has the agency's executive director since 2011. The journey of acceptance and healing takes time, space and understanding, she said. A cozy and intimate place That's where Lighthouse comes in; it's a cozy and intimate place where people can come to deal with their grief, in whichever way they choose. With its current location at 82 Wilson St. "bursting at the seams," Martini-Miles said the new space at 2522 Rebecca St. -- the corner of Bronte Road and Rebecca Street -- will be able to help nearly double the families or approximately 400 people. In the meantime, Lighthouse is also using the Kerr Street Mission lounge as over ow meeting space for its teen group. However, in nine months' time, if all goes ac- Martini-Miles also shared how effective the art room can be, describing an exercise where children draw an outline of their bodies and highlight where they hurt. Anger in his hands, coldness in his heart "There was this one boy, who had drawn his hands and in his hands he felt anger and in his head, he felt there was lava erupting from it, it was exploding," she said. "His heart felt absolutely cold and small, and in his stomach, it felt like it was heavy and big." The new Lighthouse's lower level, will be mostly dedicated for teens as a private space. There will be a music room, lounge and an area to make popcorn with of ce space off to the side. "All of these rooms are just tools to help kids nd whatever it is that helps them come to terms with what is going on," Martini-Miles said. At the centre of the house, when one looks up, there is a glass opening that allows a lighthouselike view of the sky. Martini-Miles gets nostalgic about the journey the Lighthouse has been on over the last two years -- now gearing up for renovations and a move in date set for this fall. Community rallied behind Lighthouse Legacy Noting how the community rallied behind its Lighthouse Legacy fundraising campaign, which has already raised $2.9 million of its $4 million goal, she said the agency is poised for a successful future in its permanent home, which she says couldn't be more perfect given its purpose. "It is a lighthouse when you drive by at night," Martini-Miles said. "That's exactly what we're about. We are about bringing light into the darkness of many of our families' experience after a death, and signalling there's hope, that there's encouragement and that there's a community that welcomes them. "Now nobody wants to be part of this community," she admitted. "We don't want to belong to a club where we are members because one of our very close family members has died young. We don't want to be part of that club, but it does happen and so isn't it much better to have the companionship than to do it on your own?" And although so many community members have stepped up to offer their personal services, from a lawyer helping them with their legal paperwork to an interior designer helping them plan out the new space, Martini-Miles added the Lighthouse could still use the community's see Permanent on p.15 Britta Martini-Miles, executive director of The Lighthouse Program for Grieving Children, clears the walkway to the agency's new headquarters at Bronte Road and Rebecca Street. It will be renovated and open next fall. | photo by Julia Le ­ Oakville Beaver cording to plan, a visitor to the new location will, upon entering the building, walk into the family library lounge, lled with books and resources for anyone wishing to learn more about grief and loss. It may be a grandmother, learning how to help her daughter deal with the loss of her husband, Martini-Miles noted as she gave the Beaver a tour of the building that was formerly a Christian Science Centre. The main oor will also feature a pillow circle, an arts and crafts area, a space for adults, a games room and a volcano room, where someone can go to blow off steam. The Lighthouse will also have a hospital room, modelled after that in Portland, Oregon's Dougy Center, which also offers grief support. Making sense of what's happening "Let's say there's a little girl and she's been at the hospital and mom died at the hospital, but she really doesn't understand that yet. She may be going into our hospital room, which is a new room for us, where she will play nurses and doctors and take care of teddies," said Martini-Miles, describing how she got to "play hospital" with a number of children at the Dougy Center and had an eye-opening experience. "'I'm so sorry to tell you this is a terminal illness.' You know, this is little honey saying this," she said. "...It was beautiful to see how they were coming to terms with language they didn't quite understand. These children are so young that they don't have any life experience where they can make sense of that. We only know what it means to be terminal because we've heard that before and we know that you die, but a six-year-old hears it for the rst time and has no idea what that means." Volume 54 | Number 6 5046 Mainway, Unit 2, Burlington (905) 845-3824 Oakville Beaver is a member of the Ontario Press Council. The council is located at 80 Gould St., Suite 206, Toronto, Ont., M5B 2M7. Phone (416) 340-1981. 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