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C8 - The Oakville Beaver, Tuesday December 21, 2004 Artscene ^ Oakville Beaver SECTION · TUESDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2004 The Frantics are a real riot By Craig MacBride OAKVILLE BEAVER STAFF The Frantics took to the stage at the Oakville Centre for the Performing Arts last week, and it only took a few moments before the audience was laughing frantically, unable to control themselves. Peter Wildman, Rick Green, Paul Chato and Dan Redican put on a show that was consistently funny from the beginning, when a sex toy was swung in the air, to the end, when the group summarized every episode of Star Trek in less than three minutes. Between those two sketches, the comedy troupe put on a solid show that mocked everything from religion and the armed forces to Leonard Cohen and the mainstreaming of gay style. In one sketch, a man makes it to the Pearly Gates, happy to find out that he's made it to Heaven. As the gates open, St. Peter informs the man that Heaven is reserved for the only true faith. "Join your fellow Presbyterians," he says. " But I'm Catholic," the dead man responds. "Then go to hell." T\vo Christmas songs were thrown into the show to keep the mood festive. The first was a rendition of I Saw M omm y Kissing Santa Claus that ended with the boy's father beating up Santa for kissing his wife. The other song in the show was It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas, as sung by Leonard Cohen, in a deep growl. " I hear the noise of breaking toys.. .Stay with me woman, tonight. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas." There was also a funeral in the middle of the show, which is always a great place for humour. T\vo disheveled men, a father and a son, in plaid jackets and trucker caps, are disappointed when the other son tells the family, during his eulogy, that he's gay. "You had the power to help us," the straight, slovenly son says. " Leaving us living like a bunch of gomers, with mismatched furni ture...you could give me a queer eye." The two men are upset that he didn't come out of the closet soon er so his mother could have had the opportunity to live with clean, well-groomed and well-dressed men, instead of the men they were. One of the funniest parts came when a fidgety man went into the armed forces recruitment centre to inquire about becoming a soldier. " Do you have guns?" he asked. "Yes," the recruitment officer says. " I'm in." When he's given a list of classes he can take while he's a soldier, he stops on one. "Antique restoration?" he asked. "Yes," the officer said, "that qualifies you to work on our sub marines." Sounds of Christmas MAKING MUSIC: Above, Taryn McKenna, 13, performs at the Oakville Suzuki recital Sunday afternoon. Below, members of the Oakville Suzuki Flute Orchestra Melissa Pettau, Elizabeth Mace and Caroline Murdoch. PETER C. MCCUSKER / OAKVILLE BEAVER ASHLEA WESSEL I OAKVILLE BEAVER Paul Chato of the comedy troupe "The Frantics" performs at Oakville Centre for the Performing Arts. 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