The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

www.insideHALTON.com · OAKVILLE BEAVER Thursday, March 15, 2012 · 6 The Oakville Beaver 467 Speers Rd., Oakville Ont. L6K 3S4 (905) 845-3824 Fax: 337-5566 Classified Advertising: 905-632-4440 Circulation: 845-9742 The Oakville Beaver is a member of the Ontario Press Council. The council is located at 80 Gould St., Suite 206, Toronto, Ont., M5B 2M7. Phone (416) 340-1981. Advertising is accepted on the condition that, in the event of a typographical error, that portion of advertising space occupied by the erroneous item, together with a reasonable allowance for signature, will not be charged for, but the balance of the advertisement will be paid for at the applicable rate. The publisher reserves the right to categorize advertisements or decline. Editorial and advertising content of the Oakville Beaver is protected by copyright. Unauthorized use is prohibited. Guest Column Residents sound alarm Bell-s he federal authority over cellular tower sites in Canada is exercised and shared in concurrence with municipalities, as described in Industry Canada's Client Procedures Circular 2-0-03, "in a manner that considers local surroundings." This makes sense because local governments control planning, zoning, and are connected to the local needs of Terence Young residents. Telephone companies are required by Industry Canada to co-locate their antennae on existing structures where feasible. Those that own existing towers are required to negotiate in good faith with competitors to share their towers. This is important because without sharing, six telephone companies will want to place scores of towers around Oakville, including as many towers and antennae as they want on poles 15 metres high near homes, nursing homes, seniors' residences, daycare centres, schools, and hospitals. Since I have never had a problem making a cellular call in Oakville, I believe they want these installations so people can watch TV on hand-held devices anywhere they want, including the basements of their homes. Cellular companies are also required to determine the town's local "requirements" regarding the placement of antenna systems, to undertake public notification, and to address public concerns in good faith. Thanks to the dedicated work of Councillors Cathy Duddeck and Pam Damoff, the Town of Oakville published its requirements for the first time on Oct. 24, 2011 under its Interim Telecommunications Facilities Protocol. The interim protocol is excellent, and demands, amongst other things, that new cellular towers not be placed within 200 metres of homes, schools, daycare centres and health facilities. This recognizes the legitimate health concerns of local residents and, wisely, the precautionary principle -- better safe than sorry with regards to health concerns. It is a good thing because some of these antennae send out electromagnetic radiation 24 hours a day near homes with the strength comparable to standing next to a microwave oven when it is on, or a cellular phone held a few inches from your head. Cellular phone manufacturers warn against carrying cellular phones in your pocket for this reason. The 200-metre setback is supported by published research recognized by Halton's Medical Officer of Health Dr. Bob Nosal from the International Agency on Cancer Research (IACR). IACR classifies radio frequency electromagnetic fields and energy, such as those produced by cellular antennae, as "possibly carcinogenic to humans;" although, Dr. Nosal does not think it is important (I believe). See More page 8 Neil Oliver Vice-President and Group Publisher, Metroland West David harvey Regional General Manager JILL DAVIS Editor in Chief Daniel Baird Advertising Director ANGELA BLACKBURN Managing Editor Riziero Vertolli Photography Director Sandy Pare Business Manager RECOGNIZED FOR EXCELLENCE BY: Ontario Community Newspapers Association MARK DILLS Director of Production Manuel garcia Production Manager CHARLENE HALL Director of Distribution Sarah McSweeney Circ. Manager Website oakvillebeaver.com The OakvilleBeaver is a division of T Terence Young, Oakville MP Canadian Community Newspapers Association Suburban Newspapers of America THE OAKVILLE BEAVER IS PROUD OFFICIAL MEDIA SPONSOR FOR: United Way of Oakville ATHENA Award IN THE RUNNING FOR NATIONAL NEWSPAPER AWARD: The above photograph, snapped by Oakville Beaver freelancer Michelle Siu, has been nominated for Best Sports Photo 2012 in the Canadian Community Newspapers Awards competition. The winners will be announced in late April in Toronto. Dogs are just not concerned with mortal matters like math e's never been very good at math. Because he's not very bright. And because he's a dog. Dogs, you see, don't have to be too bright. They get by mostly on instinct, good looks and their wiles, just like supermodels. Further, dogs really don't have a whole lot of use for math. There are very few mathematical applications that can be practically applied to a dog's everyday life, beyond basic addition and subtraction: Hmmm. If I dig six savory slugs up out of the ground, I have six more savory slugs now than I had before I started digging. Now, if I eat six savory slugs, I have one bellyache and... zero savory slugs left! But I thought this was important, so I persisted. You see, Zoey has been a little down of late. Problem is, he's fast approaching his eighth birthday, which via the traditional multiply-by-seven formula, will make him 56 in human years (full disclosure: I did that multiplying for him; multiplication is as foreign and cryptic to his mind as advanced algebra is to mine). Anyway, the poor boy's having some sort of midlife crisis. Which is to say that he's engaging in what appears to be an inordinate amount of moping around. Imagine how thrilled I was for Zoey when I read that assorted H dog experts are now discounting the age-old multiply-by-seven formula for determining a dog's age, and that there is a new formula that has the support of both veterinarians and vain dogs (poodles, Pomeranians and the like) desperate to believe that they are really younger than they've been led to believe. Andy Juniper Taking into account that dogs age rapidly over the first two years of their lives ­ heck, one-year-old hounds are sexually active and quite capable of reproducing ­ the new formula suggests (keeping in mind that all breeds are different) that you should count 12 years for both the first and second year of a dog's life; therefore, a two-year-old dog is the equivalent of a 24-year-old human. From that point onward, doggie maturation slows and you should add four years for every year. "Do you get it, Zoey?" I said to our depressed dog. "When you have your eighth birthday, you won't be turning 56, you'll be turning 48." And since I got the feeling that this wasn't cheering him up nearly as much as I'd expected ­ because, obviously, the moron still wasn't getting the math ­ I shouted: "Zoey, 56 is the new 48!" Boy, was I disappointed with his reaction. I mean, if someone suddenly told me I was eight years younger than I thought, I'd probably go nuts: you know, forgo the bran cereal in favour of a hard-boiled egg, stay up late and watch The Mentalist, put a little Perry Como on the player and dance until my bunions buckled. But not Zoey. Nope, he just went and found a sunshine-splashed spot on the floor and took another nap. Did I mention that this dog's not too bright? So, possibly the math is just way too advanced for him. Or maybe he's slipped too deeply into depression. My wife thinks he's just a dog ­ 56, 48, eight or whatever-years-old ­ being a dog. Sleeping away most of his life, and not concerning himself too much with mortal matters like math. Unless, of course, that math involves the addition and subtraction of savory slugs. Andy Juniper can be contacted at ajjuniper@gmail.com, found on Facebook at www.facebook.com, or followed at www.twitter. com/thesportjesters.