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www.oakvillebeaver.com The Oakville Beaver Weekend, Saturday July 19, 2008 - 7 A grieving mother's letter to her departed daughter July 16 2008 My Darling Sara: Happy Birthday Baby. July 21, 1988 was such a happy day for us. You were such a gift ­ and remained our beautiful gift for 18 short years. I guess that counting the birthdays you'll never actually celebrate lets me age you in my mind; but the pictures and the memories all stay the same; no new ones to add. You only lived 18 years and nothing will ever change that. I miss you so much -- we all miss you so much. The pain is really not speakable, the intense longing, unbearable. Your family, friends, and teachers -- they all are in shock at losing you. Even strangers wrote on your Facebook: "Sara, you probably don't remember me, but you tutored me in math. You were so beautiful and smart and made me feel so good about myself." Your math teacher and the students you helped, talked about your gifted nature in teaching others not as fortunate as yourself. Your school hockey team had a service for you, and Mr. Mac and your team were stunned Sara Allison Carlin in sorrow. You were so excited your last year of high school. You took calculus the summer before, so you could get top marks in your remaining courses. You got 98 per cent on that calculus and you were so proud of yourself. You were accepted into Western Health Sciences and were set to go after your dreams. But you got a bit anxious in your last semester and went to the doctor about your anxiety. I didn't agree that you should take Paxil, but you said the doctor said it would make you feel better. You told you sister that it made you "not worry about things." It seemed to me that you became really unwell when you started this antidepressant -- you had bad dreams, had trouble sleeping, started to go out more; staying up late, quit hockey, quit the part-time job you were so good at. Then in the summer you became so tired and lethargic -- we found by September that you had mononucleosis -- affected by the medication you were taking. You told your doctor you had trouble sleeping and were not feeling well -- so she gave you sleeping pills. When you couldn't sleep through the night, she gave you another antidepressant to take along with the Paxil® to help you stay asleep. When we questioned this, you said the doctor knew best and didn't agree that you should come off the Paxil; and, in fact, doubled the dosage. A few months later, afraid to go to sleep and face your dreams, you hung yourself. After a night out with friends, you changed into your pajamas and sat at your computer to check email and remove your makeup -- just like you always did. But halfway through removing your makeup you got up, cut a length of electrical cord your dad had left out to wire some lights, and you ended your life in an instant. Oh my God Sara, I am so sorry that I didn't realize the depth of your pain, that I didn't take you away and help you. We found out after you died, when we looked into the drugs that we had trusted to your doctors, that there was a Health Canada warning about Paxil; to not prescribe the drug to anyone less than 18 years of age, and to carefully take them off if they were currently on the drug. You were only 17 and you were prescribed this drug. If only we knew the things we now know; the critical cautions to not drink and to not miss doses, as well as the many horrible side effects that you suffered so terribly. When your prescription went missing we did not know the mental anguish a missed dose would cause you. We did not know so many things; things that, had we known, I know in my heart you would be here today. Your dad is doing everything he can to help other families -- there are so many others who are suffering as you did. You dad's life purpose now is to do everything he can to warn others of the dangers of these drugs. We have some of your friends coming over on Sunday to celebrate the beautiful life you lived. Wish you were here, too. With All My Love, Mom XXX OOO Lots of kisses from Dad, Meghan and Joe ­ and Marilyn and Hailey. CABINET REFACING AFTER BEFORE We can transform your existing cabinets with new doors andlaminate in your choice of style & colour. Select complimentary hardware & have the kitchen of your dreams. No Payments, No Interest for 6 Months O.A.C. Visit our showroom or call for your FREE In Home Consultation 1313 Speers Road, Oakville · 905-847-8964 Mon. - Fri. 9am-5pm, Sat. 10am-4pm www.granitetransformations.ca Pud By Steve Nease snease@haltonsearch.com Fun brings everyone together. Having fun, making new friends and learning new skills in a positive environment. Three reasons why Tim Hortons is so proud to support the 1,600 boys and girls who play Timbits Soccer in the Oakville area. With a positive start, there's no telling how far kids will go. © Tim Hortons, 2008 The first goal is having fun®