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Page 4, Terrace Bay-Schreiber News, Wednesday, April 9, 1986 Terese Eey The Terrace Bay-Schreiber News is published every Wednesday by: Laurentian Publishing Co. Ltd., Box 579, Terrace Bay, Ontario, POT 2W0. Telephone: (807) 825-3747. Single copies 35 cents Subscription rates per year in-town -- $14.00 PRODUCTION MANAGER tive ik Reaaaaas Mary Melo Mire 2... 6... Ga 2 oss. Sree pee ee Conrad Felber out-of-town -- $18.00 ae" State. sola. Soe eet Gigi Dequanne Member of Ontario Community -- a Gayle aie Newspapers Association and The Canadian Community Newspapers Association. Editorial Plan a plus Now that Schreiber Township is well on its way to get- ting an Official Plan, the news has been filled with a number of obscure terms and planning buzzwords: Zon- ing By-laws, Minor Variances, Land Severances, Building Permits, and so on. These may cause some itital confu- sion, but they shouldn't be feared or ignored. In fact, they should be greeted openly and with relief, as Schreiber should've had an Official Plan years ago. An official plan, for those who are still unaware, is a policy document of a municipality's council that sets out that town's views on how land should be used in the community. The plan, according to a Ministry of Municipal Affairs brochure, provides direction for future planning activities. It is tailored to the size and complexity of each municipality and is largely based on input made by citizens through the public participation process. Such an open house and public meeting was held last week in Schreiber, and it was good to see a large, interested turnout. A major misconception was put to rest at that ses- sion. Simply put, the Official Plan is not carved in stone. It can be amended any number of times after being ap- proved and there is an appeal process to deal with other problems. The Official Plan for Schreiber is a good idea. Its time has come, and Schreiber Council should be congratulated for finally taking the initiative to get it. Way to go, folks. By Conrad Felber Seatbelts save lives. You've heard " that time and time again. No doubt you've also heard the actual statistics which claim that wearing seat belts reduce your chances of injury and death by 50 per cent. What you have not heard, at least not so far, is what I think about them. I hate 'em, and I think it is disgusting that we're all being forced, by law, to wear 'em. Now, before somebody decides to lecture me about how stupid I am not to wear a seatbelt, allow me to point out that I do wear them (most of time), and I encourage others to do so too when they are riding in my car (especially if they are sitting directly behind me). That doesn't mean I have to like the things or agree with the law that establishes a fine for me if I get caught the one day I neglect to put the By Arthur Black As I recall, it was in my local beer store that I first noticed the phenomenon. I was down there paying my respects to a few of my favorite Cana- dian families -- Labatt's, Molson's, the Carling O'Keefes -- when I notic- ed a few stragners in the lineup. One of them was called Trilite Beer. Trilite? I always thought that was one of those big fancy Erlenmeyer flask-style light bulbs that go in living room lamps. Besides; who'd ever buy a beverage concoted by a brewmaster who couldn't even spell "light" rite -- I mean, right? Well, I wouldn't but millions would, apparently. The Lite plague spread through beer brands like fleas through a dogpound. Obviously Canadians were more than delighted to line up for the chance to buy watered-down ale and lager. P.T. Barnum would have nodded approvingly. But mere beer didn't begin to slake TURN OFF .--GLUG! THE BUBBLE MACHINE ...GLUG ! =.- 6? stupid thing on. See, my problem with all of this is simple. I feel the decision on whether to strap in should be left up to me. If I want to kill myself on the road, that's my option, isn't it? Oh, sure, the law exists for my own good, right? It's there for folks like me who would probably not wear them all the time otherwise. Well, the government's intentions are good, but as far as I am concerned, this law is a violation of my privacy as an in- dividual in a supposedly democratic society. If we had common sense laws for every possible contingency, you couldn't breathe or move without breaking one of them. Here's an ex- ample. You all probably know that a lot of accidents happen because of falls in the home: down stairwells, off ladders, and things like that. What is preventing the government from passing a law forcing us to be more careful around the house? I'll tell you what's stopping them...common sense of their own. It would obvious- ly be stupid to pass such a law, yet I haven't heard too many people com- plain that the seatbelt law is stupid (not to mention unenforceable), yet it is. It may be stupid not to wear a belt, but it is just as dumb to legally force me to do so. Something else that is pretty ridiculous is the way some dog ~ owners in town bring their pets shop- ping and then tie their mutts to posts outside the shop so the animals can spend the afternoon howling and barking and do other nasty things in- cluding using the sidewalk as an out- door john. This was brought to light in this week's instalment of Helene Ballards's Bits and Bites column (to be found elsewhere in today's issue of the News), but I just wanted to say that I happen to agree with her point. As she noted, not only is the noise and the dog doo a problem, but safe- ty has to be a concern here as well. What is to stop Spot from biting some poor strange kid's hand while the dog's owner is in the store shopping for who knows what? Leash laws or no leash laws, it's just not wise to bring your pooch on shopping spree. Give them exercise, by all means, but on their time, not yours. See, this is not the same as the above mentioned seatbelt law. If I break that one, I'm not harming anyone but myself (and, if I don't get in an accident, not harming anyone at all). Dogs are something else again, as they are a potential hazard to veryone but the owner, in most cases. I don't expect everyone to agree with me when it comes to this puppy puzzle or my views on the silly seatbelt statutes, so if you would like to send me your opinions on either or both of these matters, please do so, care of this newspaper (our address is in the editorial page masthead at the top of this page). If I receive any let- ters, I'll run them in a future column (be sure to include your name, ad- dress, and telephone number). Hey, who says newspapers aren't fun and involving? ed on to other alcholic beverages. Lite wine began to appear on the shelves. And even (Gad!) -- something called Rye Coolers --. diluted whiskey by any other name. Tobacco was attacked next. In less time than it takes to blow a smoke ring, nicotine addicts were being of- fered a bewildering variety of 'Lite' cigarettes. I never figured out if the 'All New Lites" were skinnier, shorter or packed with damp granola, but somehow the fagfloggers managed to convince the gullible gasping public that smoking 'Lites' would be a lot healthier for them. Litemania developed a taste for solids as well. It began to pop up on the supermarket shelves -- particular- ly in the Weightwatchers Section. A cursory cruise down that aisle turns up such gastronomic perversities as Lite Butter, Lite Mayonnaise, Lite Salad Dressing and even, I swear -- you can come shopping with me next Saturday if you don't believe me -- multi-colored frisbee of dough labell- ed 'Lite Pizza.' The other day I overheard a radio station executive chatting about the new music format his station was adopting. They planned to play most of the hits of the past thirty years, he said... but not the raunchy stuff. No Jimi Hendrix or the Who, but plenty of the Carpenters and Babs Streisand. What was the name for this revolu- tionary new radio music format? Why -- Lite Gold, of course. Good grief, I thought to myself. Where will Lite-ning strike next? Lite cars? Lite movies? Lite beef? Well, yes actually. For some time now, beef producers have been tak- ing their lumps from diet conscious consumers. Vegetarians get the vapors just thinking about steaks and roasts, and even dietitians tell us we'd be better off substituting fish or fowl for all that red meat. People are wor- ried about the high cholesterol in beef -- not to mention all the hormones, stimulants, antibiotics, uppers and ly pump into meat on the hoof. But when Joe Public chooses chicken breasts over chuck steak, he is primarily making the same Pavlo- vian response he makes when he picks a Lite beer over Blatz Cream Porter. He knows (or thinks he knows) that anything designated "Lite" is less fattening than anything that isn't. Ergo, Lite Beef. An idea whose time was overdue. A Texas cartel of forward looking cattlemen has in- troduced a whole line of meat pro- ducts. They call the new brand -- wait for it -- Key Lite. : Key Lite beef is meat that has been genetically altered to lower the fat content. Each serving contains 36 per cent fewer calories than the conven- tional variety. Naturally, the inven- tors claim that Key Lite retains all the flavor of ordinary beef. Equally naturally, Key Lite Beef costs, as the saying goes, "a little more."" But beef lovers, I've got a tip for you. Save your money. - + - Are-verr worried about the fat con- tent of the slab of beef on your plate. Here's what you do... pick up that sharp, pointy utensil on the right side of the dinner plate. We call that The Knife. Use The Knife to cut away all the white stuff attached to your meat. Feed the white stuff to your dog. Turn your attention to the non-white stuff. Hey, compadre -- you've just made yourself some homemade Lite Beef. This calls for a celebration -- why don't you pour yourself half a glass of pilsener, take it over to the kitchen tap, and top it up. Sure! Why not? Treat yourself to a homemade glass of Lite Beer.