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by T. LOTTMAN Last week we_intro- duced the idea of the courage to be imperfect and how the loss of that courage can be devas- tating to a family. In discouraged marriages, the communications be- tween husband and wife take the form of recog- nizable patterns or "games'"' whose aim is to gain power, prestige er dominance at each other's expense. Today we will look at one of. these patterns: the "I'm right - you're wrong" game. ts Before we begin, let - me caution the reader against what I refer to as the "Marcus Welby Syndrome'. Watching this popular TV series each week I was certain that I had the symptoms of the featured ail- ment. If the story was about arthritis, I was sure to feel stiffness and soreness in my joints that week. It's easy to do the same thing when reading about patterns of discouragement. We see a pattern that looks very familiar and right away think there is "something wrong" with ourselves or our -families. The truth is, we all engage in these Noite 4a communication 'games' at one time or another. It's'a part of being mar- ried. They only repre- sent patterns of discour- agement when they be- come the habitual way in which a husband and wife intezact. The "I'm right - you're wrong" game is one of the most common patterns of discourage- ment in marriage. The rules are simple. Any- time your spouse makes a statement about any- thing, you immediately attack its accuracy. In discouraged couples this game is played regard- less of the importance of the topic under discus- sion. They can spend just as much energy, time and emotion argu- ing whether the curling club's party was on a Friday or Saturday last, year as they do in argu- ing the best way to deal with a crisis with their children. The object of the "game" is simply to be proven "'right" and your spouse proven "wrong." You achieve a 'one-up' position that increases your feelings of superiority while making your spouse feel . inferior. The game proceeds with each spouse giving evidence fre their cide Terrace Bay-Schreiber News, Wednesday, February 8, 1984, page 7 Patterns of Discouragement and attacking the credi- bility of their partner's position. These attacks often become personally vicious. A wife's lack of education, a husband's drinking, in short, any evidence that damages their credibility is - brought into play. 'You can't even spell parlia- ment, how would you know what he was talk- ing about." "Well, at least I wasn't too drunk "to understand." No pun- ches are pulled in this battle for prestige. During such a game, anyone who is "'in at- tendance" is automatic- ally given the status of judge 'or referee. Summer 1984 Canada Employment Measures by JANE E. GREER The Minister of Em- ployment and Immigra- tion recently announ- ced the employment de- velopment measures for the summer of 1984. The programmes announced are geared to human re- sources development through career-enhan- cing work experience for students. SUMMER CANADA WORKS: Summer Canada Works creates jobs in experience giving sum- mer work projects. Pro- jects under this pro- gramme will employ at least three local _ stud- ents and produce tan- gible goods or services to the benefit of the community. Eligible sponsors of this pro- gramme should be est- ablished organizations such as community and volunteer groups, pro- fessional and technical associations, local governments and pri- vate sector employers. The deadline for appli- cations under Summer Canada Works is Feb- ruary 24, 1984. Appli- cations can be obtained by contacting your near- est Canada Employ- ment Centre office. SUMMER CAREER- ACCESS: The Summer Career-Access Program will create student internships in the pri- vate, public, and non- profit sectors. The internships will give students an opportunity to test their knowledge in a work situation, to develop career-related work skills and to ac- quire the kind of experi- ence that will help them when they eventually make the move from school to work. Eligible sponsors of this pro- gramme should be indi- viduals, established or- ganizations such as com- munity and volunteer - groups, professional and technical associa- tions, local no deadline for applica- tions for this program- me, however, a certain amount of funding has been allocated and once funds are exhausted, the program will have to evaluated and a decision on whether or not to continue the programme with additional funds will have to be made. THE DEPARTMENT OF NATIONAL DE- FENCE CADET AND RESERVE TRAINING PROGRAMME: This programme will create jobs that offer students both a physical and mental challenge. The Cadet Program- me provides members of the year-round cadet programme with sum- mer employment that contributes to self- discipline, good work habits and a positive ap- proach to the labour market. The Reserve programme will help participants acquire bas- ic work skills by pro- viding on-the-job training in a variety of trades within a military corps setting. THE R.C.M.P. SPECIAL SUPERNUM- ERARY CONSTABLES PROGRAMME: ' For students study- ing in the fields relating to the Canadian justice For those who miss- ed it, the Christmas party and gift exchange held December 2, were probably the best ever. Some representatives of Canadive as well as NSDC .. members Don Edwards~and Dan and Cheryl Kuss came from Thunder Bay to share in the good cheer and great food. The new executive members were intro- duced by out-going president Dave Bedard as follows: President, Steve Badger; Vice- President, Mike Mc- Arthur; Treasurer, you photographs fo r 5" x add REPRINTS Now Availabl The "NEWS" is now offering the opportunity purchase black and white prints of your favourite that appeared in the newspaper, at the nominal cost of or to have -| If you wish to order a reprint, just phone the Editor ie ae eee Bren ie ee eo ee SS system, this programme will . provide chal- lenging jobs. Through this. programme, stud- ents are hired as peace officers for the summer, in jobs that are design- ed to improve police/ community relations. INTERNSHIPS FOR NATIVE STUDENTS: This programme is specifically geared to native students and will offer these individuals an internship which will give the students an opportunity, to learn _ govern- : mens ac ova see orth Shore Dive Club "L ive Clu og Ralph Regis; Secretary, Lynne Badger; Dive Safety Officer, Ryan LeBlanc. The highlights of the evening were the arrival of Santa Claus and the presentation of the an- nual award to the '"'Most Improved Diver'. Ryan LeBlanc, who chooses the recipients from his students, presented the award to Steve Bad- ger. : The January meeting was held at the home of Steve Badger on Janu- ary 13, 1984. Those pre- sent were reminded that the annual dues must be paid this month so as not to miss an issue of "Diver"? magazine. All - fees should be sent to Ralph Regis, 570 Lake- view Drive, Terrace Bay, POT 2W0 as soon as possible. The club will be sell- ing raffle tickets in sup- port of the O.U.C. Priz- es include a trip to Grand Cayman Island, a trip for two anywhere C.P. Air flies in Cana- da, and an "Eagle Star" deluxe diving watch. Call Steve Badger 825- 9387 for tickets. A Boogie similar to the successful Oyster Bar Boogie is tentatively planned for Friday, March 17 at the Schrei- ber Legion. The December O.U.C. News was distributed and the newsletters from Canadive, Thunder Bay and Four Lakes about counselling and placement activities as well as other tasks per- . formed in the Canada Employment Cen- tres. If you are a student interested in any of these Summer Employ- ment Development Pro- grammes, you should contact your nearest Ca- nada Employment Cen- tre to register for em- ployment. NOTICE OF INTEREST TO SMALL BUSINESSES: Mr. George Mc- Kinnon, Consultant with the Northern Ontario Development Corpora- tion (NODC) will be visiting Marathon in February. Mr. McKin- Hf von will be in Marathon, at the Northern Affairs office on Thursday, Feb- ruary 9th in the after- moon and Friday, Feb- ruary 10th in the morn- ing. If you' are interest- ed in starting, expand- ing or improving a busi- ness, please contact the Northern Affairs Of- fice (229-1153) to make an appointment to see Mr. McKinnon. For this and other information on govern- ment related program- mes contact your near- ést Northern Affairs of- ficer, located in Mara- thon on the lower floor of the Peninsula Build- - ing. Call 229-1153 or for areas outside of Mara- thon, call toll- free by asking the op- erator for Zenith 33160. Friends, relatives, family Counsellor, and unfortunately children are given the power of choosing who wins or loses. I've observed couples who have even used the behaviour of the family dog to judge the winner of an "I'm right - you're wrong" game. Even when a '"'loser" is determined by a third party or overwhelming evidence, he is often un- willing to offer a com- promise or end the game. He feels humili- ated and is ready to start a new round on a topic he can't lose. Or else he snatches victory from the jaws of defeat by employing the "I don't want to discuss it" maneuver, a pattern that we'll examine next week. One important thing to keep in mind is that the person who habitual- ly plays "I'm right - you're wrong' had most likely lost the courage to be imperfect long before he or she had married. No matter whom he or she ,had married, the game would be the same. The destructive patterns end only when the underlying dis- couragement disap- pears. Often if both husband and wife are eagerly in- volved in playing "I'm right - you're wrong," the pattern is difficult to break without outside help. In later articles we will suggest some steps that couples themsel- ves can take to end destructive games. Recognizing the prob- lem should be encour- aging rather than dis- couraging. the L.A. OF U.T.U. Schreiber Cemetery. FUNERAL ANNOUNCEMENT SPILLANE: Mrs. Margaret Spillane of Schreiber, passed away in a Thunder Bay hospital January 27, 1984. She was a member of the Chimo Club, U.C.W., Women's Institute, Charter member of the Royal Canadian Legion Branch,109 and secretary of Survived by her husband John. and children Douglas and his wife Jocelyn of Stratford, Ginger (Mrs. R. O'Driscoll) of Chemainus, B.C., Nancy (Mrs. T. Sorensum) of Duncan, B.C., Michael of Thunder Bay. Also survived by seven grand- children and sister Mike (Mrs. R. Sheedy) of Petawawa and brother Jack of Schreiber. ' Mrs. Spillane was resting at the King Funeral Home Schreiber with funeral services held on Tuesday, January 3, 1984 at 2 p.m. from St. Andre's United Church with: Interment in the Catholic Church, FUNERAL | ANNOUNCEMENT LEISANDER: Mr. Patrick Leisander of Schreiber, passed away on Friday, January. 27, 1984. Born in Schreiber on September 9, 1913, he was educated in local schools. He worked many years on the rock and extra gangs and as a_ locomotive mechanic. He joined Kimberly Clark in Terrace Bay in 1949, retiring in 1977. He liked sports and was an ardent speckled trout fisherman. He was a member of Holy Angels Church, the Chimo Club and a life member of the U.P.1.U. No. 665. Survived by his son David and wife Barbara of Thunder Bay and daughter Devona, of Schreiber. Also survived by five grandchildren, all of Thunder Bay. Predeceased by his wife Leona. Mr. Leisander was resting at the King Funeral Home, Schreiber. Funeral Mass was held 'on Tues- day, January 31, 1984 from Holy Angels Roman Interment was held in St. Berchman's Cemetery, Rossport. If friends so desire, memorials to the Ontario Heart Fund would be appreciated. IS WELCOME PARENT LINK REMINDER Parents of Terrace Bay, Schreiber and Rossport are re- minded of the Sunday, Feb. 12, meeting at 7:30 p.m. in the Conference Room at the Terrace Bay Recreation Centre. os This week's topic will be: ' Discipline/logical consequences EVERYONE 1984, Parent Link