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Editor: Harry Huskins Features Editor: Judie Cooper Business Manager: Diane Matson Production Manager: Mary Melo Receptionist: Sharon Mark member of Contributing Editors: Published every Wednesday by Laurentian Publishing TerraceBay iu. schreiber Box 579, Terrace Bay, Ontario TELEPHONE: 825-3747 Deadline: Friday, 5:00 p.m. ; bell Subscription rates: $10.00 per annum (local) yt Grouire $14.00 per annum (out-of-town) Mary Hubelit 2 Second Class Mail Registration No. 0867. . ecaninaiioae: GRANDPA AND ME Happy Birthday Canada In a day and age when nationalism is supposedly an outmoded concept...when flag waving is held to be gauche and unsophisticated...we'd like to join a few other very proud Canadians in waving the flag and shouting loudly, "Happy Birthday, Canada. It's you and me!"' It's you and me. And what will we do? Roll over and go back to sleep? Hope for the best? See what the future brings? We hope not! We hope Canadians will realize - one and all - that this country didn't. come cheap and didn't come easy. Our's was not a natural birth. Canada is an anomaly. A strange beast. Theoretically, we should be five or six nations...at least two...or perhaps part of the greater United States. But we're not. We are one. country, and we've got more than adversity or love of freedom and order in common. What we have here is a future, if we'll wake up and face it. A tradition, if we'll think back and -respect it. A chance, if we've got the guts to take it. It all hangs on us. On you and me and every other Canadian. And there isn't one that doesn't count, because it'll take twenty million of us and more to hold this beautiful.dream called Canada together. It'll take every ounce of strength and savy and political smarts and goodwill and patience we can muster. So shout Happy Birthday. Let's have a parade. And then, let's get off our duffs and make it happen. We'll see what the future holds, cause we'll make it! We'll know what kind of stuff Canadians are really made of because history and this world is watching. : It really would be a pity if, knowing what we know, and having what we have, we still managed to blow it. Perhaps the first firecracker we light should be right under our... Arthur Black ' D - OH, OH, THE OTHER > TEAM HAS*A- ITS O.K. OUR GOALIE CAN STOP IT ANDees QUHAT 15 HE 7 / DOING? Northern uws. Pyramid Schemes Get-rich-quick -- pyra- mid schemes are the lat- est fad in Ontario. But what most people don't realize is that they are almost certain to lose their initial investment and could end up spend- ing two years in jail or paying fines up. to $10,000 for participating in one of these illigal schemes. A pyramid. scheme works like a chain-letter in which participants are asked to put up money - usuall in amounts of $1,500 or $2,200 - and are promised a return of about eight times their investment in just a few days. It operates this way: Seven people form a pytamid with one person at the top, two in the middle and four on the bottom. the people at the bottom are told to recruit eight new inves- tors. The new investors pay their money which goes to the person on the top. Then the pyramid is split down the middle. The two people in the 'middle head two new pyramids with people at. the bottom moving into the middle position. The eight new inves- tors are split into two groups of four to com- plete the two new pyra- mids. They, in turn, must sign up eight more people. If the pyramid divides 32 times, for example, it would involve 850° mil- lion people and over one trillion dollars. (There are only 25 million peo- ple living in Canada.) So, you can see, the chances of moving to the top of the pyramid and collecting money, are very slim. For further informa- tion on Pyramid Schemes contact your nearest Northern Affairs Office, located on the lower floor, Peninsula Building, 2 Gilbert . Street, Marathon, Ont- ario (229-1153) or ZENITH 33160. Cartwheels over Cartland You know what's coming-up this weekend? Barbara Cartland's birthday, that's what. The British author was born July 9, 1901. She'll be 82 years old this Saturday. You never read a_ Barbara Cartland book? Neither have I. But as near as | can reckon, we're the only two on the planet who haven't. Barbara Cartland is a writing machine. The Cuisineart of the romance novel. She churns out mushy pulp paperbacks like a sausage-machine in overdrive. She's a bigger threat to our forests than lightning strikes, careless campers and spruce bud- worm combined. : Barbara Cartland has written more than 250 books. They have sold more than 100 million copies. What kind of books? Awful ones. Books with titles like The Pure and Untouched; Imperial Splendour; Journey to Paradise; Fire in the Snow and The Elusive Earl. For a while, it was hard to buy Barbara Cartland book that didn't have the word "love" in the title. She's written: The Dawn of Love; A Duel of Loves; A King in Love; Love At The Helm; Love Holds The Cards; Love is Dangerous; Love is Innocent; Love to the Rescue; No Darkness For Love; The Flame Is Love; The Wings of Love, and The Devil In Love. To name a few. How could Barbara Cartland write so many books? Simple. She doesn't. She dictates them. She has ten speedwriting secretaries standing-by with notepads and she averages 7,000 words at a sitting. When Barbara Cartland isn't dictating a novel chances are she's gobbling vitamin tablets. She is a health food fanatic. She ascribes her prodigious energy to a healthful, additive-free diet which she backs-up ~ with 90 vitamin pills every day. You won't be surprised to learn that Barbara Cartland holds cer- tain views of life that, convention- al wisdom tells us, went out of fashion back in about 1873. She believes all unmarried women must be virgins. She believes men swoon for what she- calls "The Ice Maiden"...the woman who is cool and aloof; and melts only for Her Man. Equality of the sexes? "Rub- bish that was invented by Wom- en's Liberation," sniffs Barbara. Sex before marriage? "My heroines. never go to bed before the ring is on the finger"she says. She doesn't even allow them to kiss before they've received a "formal proposal. Fittingly, there's a royal connection. She's related by marriage to Princess Di. Well, what is one to make of this strange institution - this throwback to the days of The British empiah? She's easy to mock. Her public relations photos are hilarious. She's usually shown _ reclining*on a bed, swathed in acres of chiffon, surrounded by poodles and lapdogs. She wears pounds of jewels, layers of eye makeup and she piles her hair tier on tier, like a Victorian wedding cake. Yes, she'd be given short shrift on the editorial pages of Ms. and she'd be easy to dismiss as an historical anachronism, a literary dinosaur caught in a time warp. If it weren't for the figures. Two hundred and fifty books! One hundred million copies. There are an awful lot of people out there who are reading Bar- bara Cartland novels. Do they believe her? Do they yearn for the simple black-and-white, right-or- wrong world Barbara Cartland Fabricates? I guess they do. And I gues we should count our blessings. At 82, Barbara Cartland is too old to run for Prime Minister.