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DECEMBER 21, 1970 TERRACE BAY NEWS PAGE 29 THE BILL SMILEY COLUMN SAGA OF THE SCRATCHED COFFEE TABLE By Bill Smiley It's one of those days. A wild, white yonder outside the win- dow, snowing and blowing as though we'd never seen the stuff before and someone was trying to impress us. And just two days after isome nit of a cab driver told me sagely, "Sure looks like we re gonna have a green Christ- mas.' We're redecorating the living- room. It's 30 x 18 x 10. Move all the junk out of that erypt to paint and there's no place else- where in the house in which you can draw a deep breath without carving in some ribs against an upturned chair or a book-case with its feet sticking out. Everything's gone fairly smoothly, but my wife is slightly hysterical about one slip. For: two years she's been bellowing at the kids to keep their rotten bare feet off her new mahogany coffee table. (Nobody, of course, adults included; is allow- ed to put a cup of coffee on the coffee table.) This morning she found that the painters had put a gouge about a foot long and. a quarter- inch deep in that virgin territory. She's suffering as much pain as though someone had taken a can-opener and put a gouge of similar dimensions in her own skin. I offer all sorts of comfort, like, "Well, now we can put our feet on it," or '""Nobody'll notice that, when it's covered with coffee cups," more like throwing oil on fire than on troubled waters. The phone hasn't been work- ing for two days. For me, this is unmitigated bliss. But the old but the result is. lady is utterly convinced that all sorts of people have been calling us about a death in the family, 'Lord forbid, or a birth in the family, Lord 'doubly forbid. That's the in-calls. I never call anybody. But without the out- calls, she feels as helpless as a fe: male with both arms in a sling, and a back zipper to be zipped. I've got a knee like an_ elephant. One of my old foot- ball-war knees has decided to start me 'off on a merry winter, and is swollen right down to an ankle like a piano leg. It began with curling too vigorously. But it didn't help that I went to the local ball-of- the-year on Friday. night with a game leg, and danced a lot gamier than I should have. With an elastic bandage and pain pills, I manage to get about, just lame enough so that I can't possibly help with moving furni- ture. You should see that wife of mine manhandling a grand piano all by herself, with me helping by grunting. I doubt if she's lost ten pounds in the last twe days. Just to make it a truly joyous day, I'm marking exam papers. This is something like the Chinese water torture. Drop by drop, it pierces your skull that you never were, are not, and never will be able to teach any- body anything 'more than to tie his shoelaces. All TI have learned today is that "prostitute" "prosecute", that '"'savagery' has become "savagism'" and that a fellow who flies an aircraft is a "piolit". However, I am not complain- ing. The painting is finished. My is now spelled. Sharing this joyous season with you, we'd like to extend our hearty wishes for a-Merry Christ- mas and thank you for your friendly patronage . The Shaw Baking Co. Ltd., THUNDER BAY 'P', ONT. knee feels much better now that the furniture is all moved back. It has stopped snowing as I've written. The phone company has been able to break through. The old girl has forgotten her despair over the gouge by spotting a bump in the plaster. And I just marked an exam paper worth 90 per cent. Because of the dance, I have a new suit, first in six years, new shoes, new gloves. Quite smash- ing, really. I don't have to go back to the dentist for two days. The cat is spayed. The snow tires are on. My wife, who predicted her own death by noon, is alive and well and snarling commands. Not a bad old life, really. Bet- ter here than the graveyard, though I could use some of that rest. If only it weren't eternal. PLANT OF PEACE IS MISTLETOE The hanging of mistletoe at Christmas is an English custom which goes back to the Druid beliefs. This plant was thought to bring good luck, and was so-sacred that if enemies met beneath the mijstle- toe in the forest; they would lay down their arms, exchange greetings, and keep a truce until the next day. From this custom grew the practice of hanging the "plant of peace" over a doorway at Christmas as a symbol of good will to all comers. A kiss under the mistletoe was a declaration of love and a promise of marriage, and an engagement announced in this way was thought to bring happiness, good fortune and long life to lovers. Happy Halidup Our greetings ring out to all our cus- . tomers. May your hopes all come true. + FRED BARBINI LTD. MASONARY CONTRACTOR Intercity, Thunder Bay 'P', Ontario your best buy! our complete). SERVICE CONTACT YOUR DRESSWELL MAN TODAY! - CALL-824-2250 for PICK UP and DELIVERY DRESSWELL CLEANERS _