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I have a profound respect for poet T. S. Eliot. But one of his lines, that which says, "April is the cruellest month," is pure poppycock. He had obviously never spent a March in these parts. April is no bargain, but March is a month no honest tax- payer should have to put up with. At its best, it is 31 days of pure drear; at its worst, a centu- ry of bleak horror. Raw east winds that chap the hands, chill the bones, redden the nose, deaden the soul. Third bout of la grippe in three i months. Holes in your over- shoes. Faces of friends become hateful. Tailpipe and muffler gone on the car. Eavestroughs sagging. Spirits flagging. Spring | is merely a word in the dic- tionary. Winter is a monster, clawing your shoulder. So NEES STL RT i R F ' If you're anything like me, i you're hanging on by your teeth. | This is fairly easy, because your nose has been running, and youre keeping a stiff upper lip. It's frozen. And your teeth are exposed. Seer It's a wonder we don't all turn | as mad as March hares, and cut our collective throat, if only to add a bit of color to relieve grim, grey March. But cheer up, chaps, all is not i lost. I have a little therapeutic ! theory that works wonders. It is } the only thing that saves me, in 'March, from running out into | the snow, in bare feet and long f underwear, babbling, "T. S. El- 1? jot is mad, mad I tell you, mad! I first discovered this theory | when I had trouble sleeping. Af- | ter a long evening of too much work, too many fags, and too much coffee, I'd crawl into bed, and lie there as rigid as a rake, toes curled tightly, eyes burning ! brightly, no more chance of get- iting to sleep than getting to | heaven. One such night, I remem- bered. "Listen, Buster,' I told myself. "Fifteen years ago to- night, you were lying on the floor of a box-car, freezing, | hands and feet tied with wire, | on your way to a prison camp. } 'And here you are lying ina | soft bed, in a warm house, with {a warm woman beside you and } warm blankets over you, and no THE NEWS That March Madness night-fighters shooting up the place, and no guards wandering in to give you a kick. So what if you don't sleep a wink?" In 14 seconds I was asleep. It works every time. Now, the same technique ap- plies when it comes to saving my sanity in March. When the miseries of March have me reduced to one great bellow of frustration, I put it to work. "Old Buddy," I say to my-. self, "just go back 300 years. Let yourself go, now. Not three miles from here, they were ek- ing out their March, half-frozen, half-starved, half-blind." And I think about them -- the Indians, nearing the bitter end of a bitter winter, in their long-houses. Men, women, chil- dren, dogs, pell-mell in a seven- teenth-century Nissen hut made of boughs and bark and skins. Two or three hundred human beings crawling over each other in about the space you and your family occupy. Cold. Hungry. Stench unbelievable. Smoke from cooking fires indescriba- ble. The last of the meat gone. The maize reduced to a few handfuls. Spruce tea and moss stew on the menu. Hunting im- possible because of the slush. Flabby breasts and swollen bel- lies. And always the cold. No refrigerators stocked with steaks and roasts and milk and eggs. No shelves of canned goods. No supermarket a few blocks away. No heat, no light. No bathroom. No books. No tel- evision. And always the cold. A few cynics will add, "And no income tax, no mortgages, no insurance policies, no fuel bills, no ulcers, no doctor's bills." True. Wanna trade? Not I. I turn up the thermos- tat a bit. I mix a hot toddy. Then I sit by the fireplace, lis- tening to the wind whistling around the house. I sniff the waft of pot roast from the kitch- en. I pick up a book, put a rec- - ord on the hi-fi. I listen to my wife, who is not fighting with Mrs. Abenaki about who gets the fire next, to make dog soup. And my March madness is gone. Try it. | SNOW CARNIVAL - Continued from page | 2.) 2p MET 2ST NE munity Church Hall. asked to be present. Queen Marcia Hamilton and King Ted Brown, Jr. GUIDE ASSOCIATION MEETING NEXT WEEK. The Local Association to Guides & Brownies will meet on Monday, March 28th at 8.15 in the Com- All Guiders are especially ACROSS 1-District in Germany 5-Once around track 8-Openwork fabric (pl.) 12-Girl's name 13-Be mistaken 14-Son of Adam 15-Produce 17-Part in play 18-Vapid 19-Derided 21-Algonquian Indian 23-Period of time 24-Cover 27-Praise- worthy 32-War god 34-Employ 35-Great Lake 36-Penitent 39-Make lace 40-Hawaiian wreath 41- ee for dry 43- cos sailing vessel 47-Native Egyptian 51-Century plant 52-Tidiness 54-Arabian chieftain 55-Silkworm 56-Handle 57-Part of camera 58-Speck 59-Hind part DOWN 1-Sinks in middle 2-Dillseed 3-Girl's name 4-Walks un- steadily 5-Meadow 6-Academic subjects 7-Preceding 8-Tell 9-Black {> AND THEN THERE'S THE MAN, aged eighty-four, who is saving his old-age pension for his old age. One 1966 Demonstrator ski doo 14 H.P ANNOUNCING WE HAVE BEEN APPOINTED THE DEALER FOR DUCATTI MOTOR BIKES AND EXPECT TO RECELVE SOME -SHORTEY. INQUIRIES ARE INVITED. Your SISSON 3 SNOWMOBILE SCHRE| One used sno-bug March 24, 1966 10-Prefix: distant | VS] a LO] OR S| N] S77] 41-Winter | fail tw) re vehicle SEENRTENR - Blom sean Ol] 1 INEENIOIS| 1a} Saxon money 1) 3]. |S ee 22-Warhed EM islet nl=tatsta "(collog.) Sl [313 SIS[O BS Slaly) 2-Native metal amma Sty ae -Vigor fi ze-Cand othe SLOLSISto Wal SINiais free (init.) ; oteere Ree leaving S{LISIN 30-Inlet 31-Still SOLUTION 33-Dealers ; 43-lrishman 48-Unaspirated Sr Peveras 44-Egyptian -- 49-Mountain in celtar y singing girl Greece 42-Unit of 45-Cut of meat 50-Former Rus- Yugoslavian 46-Roman sian ruler. currency tyrant 53-River island ee rs | P Rood B55 Pel BS i Kx Rosse FOR HIS OLD AGE $125 $735 1-000 Dea SALES : BER - ONTAR!O PHONE 499