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You all know how much | adore birds. I worship the air they fly in. Whenever I see a bird, I just wan- na hug it to pieces. : You mind how I told-you all before, you faithful readers out there, that I set up a feeder in the winter and try to get the delightful little critters to come in and hog up. ; But the lowdown, no good, ungrateful skalliwags never take me up on my dadblamed offer. Well, my motto has always been that if you can't lure them with sweetness, kidnap the little devils. I'm goin' to take me a bird prisoner. But not a parrot. No sir- ree, not on your life. It's not really as bad as it sounds. They've already snagged a whole bunch and they're in cages at the pet shop and I'm just goin' to buy one, bring it home, and force it to love me or wring its scrawny neck. When I told the missus I wanted to buy a cage, set 'er all up, and Castor Earl Dang blasted parrot pring a bird home, she dang near hit the roof. Anyhow, she told me I'd never be able to afford it out of my allowance. But Castor Earl ain't a man to be easily discouraged. I stood right up to 'er. "Lulu," I says. "I wanna bird and that's all there is to it." "Karl,'? she retorts (that's a fancy-pants word that means she said right back at me). "If a bird moves in, I move out."' Well, since I Couldn't right im- agine a bird cookin', cleanin', and doin' the shoppin', I let it go. AIT could think of a bird' doin' the same as the missus is squawk. But one day, I went into town with a neighbor lady just to see what kind of feathered friends the pet shop had to offer. That's when I met the parrot. We walk through the door and right off I 'hear this loud, surly voice. '*Hey jerk," it says, and I look around. "Ya, you. Short, fat, and ugly. What do you think you're doin' in here. Beat it. Scram. Go on, get out." * Well Vil tell you. 'm some upset. I march over to the clerk 'cause he's the only one in the place and grab him by the lapels. "Say fella,' I says in my toughest tone. "Where do you get off insultin' customers like that". The clerk brushes my hands away and points to the corner. There's a big cage there holdin' one of the ugliest birds I ever saw. It's a parrot and he's at it again. "Har, har, har," he laughs. '*When God was handin' out the looks, I guess you were out to lunch. It looks like you still are. Har, har."' I go stormin' over to the cage with the neighbor lady tryin' to hold me back. "Oh ya, smart alec, come on out here and say that.' The neighbor lady reminds me it's only a bird, but I'm mad. Before I know it, he's usin' his beak to open the cage door. He steps out on the rim and before I can back off, he slaps me in the face with a wing. Well I ain't about to let no par- Backtrack Russellites mark July 12 1912, at the old North Russell Orange Lodge. Russell Dempsey is the man before the flag. (Photo courtesy James Dempsey, Mississauga). rot make me look like a bird brain. I give him a shove. The cage goes over and he's lyin' on his back screamin' things which would put a drunken sailor to shame. I was blushin' and: I was once a drunken sailor. Next thing I know, he's flyin' at me. He wraps his wings around my legs tryin' to trip me up. I go over and we're rollin' around on the floor knockin' over cages, and aquariums, and the fish are flop- pin' on the floor, and the hamp- sters are lose, and the feathers are flyin'...what a mess. -- Then the cops are in the store and the clerk's pointin' at me and so is the parrot. Admission Children, 12 years and under, Free Friday, Adults $2.00, Students $1.00 Saturday, Adults $3.00 Sunday, Adults $3.00 124th Annual Metcalfe Agricultural Society Fair DAILY HIGHLIGHTS FRIDAY, OCT. 3 . > 4-H Junior Agricultural Show - Friday Afternoon Horse Show, Mutt and Pet Show . - 4-H Sheep Show . + Judging to commence on 4-H Horse Club Show . - Judging of Black and White Show; Ayrshire Show and Best Udder Class . - Amateur Talent Show in Community Centre. Admission is $2.00 adults & $1.00 for children 12 years & under. SATURDAY, OCT. 4 . > Judging of Heavy Horses . - Judging to Commence on Sheep - Light Horse Judging Commences . - 4-H Championship Show . - Judging of Beef Classes . ~ Horse Show in Community Centre . - Dance in Community Centre. Admission $2.50 each. SUNDAY, OCT. 5 . - Quarter Horse Show . + Guernsey Show . + Judging to Commence on Swine . - Heavy Horse Pulling Contest . - Fashion Show Sunday Evening -- Chicken Barbecue METCALFE @) OPEN TO THE PUBLIC MIDWAY Rides - Games - Bingo Cattle Shows Black & White Show, Ayrshire Show on Friday, Guernsey Show on Sunday, Beef Classes on Saturday by Carnival Canada Western Horse Show Thursday, Oct. 2- 8:00 p.m. Open to the public Metcalfe Community Centre (Sponsored by Shilo Riding Club) October 3, 4, 5 Heavy Horse Pull Sunday, Oct.5 - |.30 pm. Ladies' Exhibits & CRAFT SHOW ON DISPLAY -- Friday 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Saturday 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., Sunday 12 noon to 4 p.m. Judging Of Hall Exhibits Thursday, Oct. 2 - not open to the public FREE PARKING Meals: Porteous Brothers, Vernon Barbecue: A.J.'s Food Service Printed by The Winchester Press Limited "Tt was this way officer,' I says. "That bird came out of its cage and attacked me."' The par- rot just stands there and looks forlorn. He ain't sayin' a word. "Sure mister," one cop says. "I suppose the bird should pay the damages."' : ' : "That's right," I says. But the cops just look one at the other and shake their heads. I look at the parrot and I swear it was grinnin'. And I know you might not believe it, but I'm sure the parrot and the clerk winked at each other. Nope. No parrot for me. I'd rather climb into the ring with Mohammock Alley. HORSE BITS : With Lola Wood When a Horse Has Heaves I had a call the other night from a friend with a horse who ap- peared to have "heaves" (emphysema). He had the double respiration common to the disease. My first reaction of course was "call the vet". You must have an accurate diagnosis before you can begin treatment. If there is an infection you must clear that up and quickly because it can very easily become chronic. Horses are particularly suscepti- ble to respiratory problems. This is why prevention is so important. Your stable must be well ven- tilated but not drafty. Your feed must be clean and free of dust and mould. I stick my nose into every bale of hay as I open it. Great for hay fever but we horsemen don't let our personal comfort interfere with the care of our animals, do we? Not only should the hay we're feeding be clean and weed free but any hay that might be stored overhead could drop mould spores into the air they breath. If horses do become ill and the vet has given you the necessary medication, you must then begin thinking of a new lifestyle for them. First of all they need fresh air. I don't mean sticking them out in all kinds of weather. I mean a good fan and proper ventilation. They need a different diet. Too much bulk can complicate things because it can cut down in lung - space. Dust again must be avoid- ed. A complete feed in cube form is the answer. The cost is not pro- hibitive and the assets are many. Besides you want to save your horse's life don't you? Another source of irritation could be the bedding. I recommend shavings. All this. may seem very com- plicated but it soon: becomes routine and it does work. If you doubt me come and see Johnny MacAdoo go over a jump course. He was considered a hopeless case a few years ago and I was told I should destroy him! Zane Thorpe, who did our col- umn last month, has agreed to give a reining clinic this fall. Steve Riddell who did a previous column on dressage arid is now operatin~™ "iis own stables will be doiiig a jumping clinic in September. Again pupils will be notified. The first meeting of the Russell Reinsmen Horse Club will be Oc- tober 7 at the agricultural building in Embrun.