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Wednesday, February 28, 1990 TERRACE BAY/SCHREIBER NEWS of Wife Assault She could- be someone you know, someone you work with, a rclative, ir your neighbor. She can be a homemaker, a banker, a secretary, a politician, wealthy, a school teacher, anyone. Wife assault knows no economic, racial, religious, regional, or age boundaries. é You may not believe that any woman you know is being bat- tcred because you've never seen them with black eyes or bruises. The fact is that 1 in 10 women are abused by their partner. Some common characteristics of battered women are: - low self-esteem - emotional dependence on their batterer - a tendency to yield to requests of others - guilt - shame for enduring the abuse - inability to make decisions (This often occurs after enduring ubuse for an extended period of ime.) Females are socialized to be nurturers and carcgivers. They are generally the ones who spend more time with children and these are necessary qualities in chil- drcaring. Our society sometimes mistakenly considers the batter- ing male to be psychotic, mental- ly deranged, Or iri Some way sick. If the assaulted wife believes her batterer is sick, she may also feel that it is her responsibility to take care of him, protect him, and help him overcome his illness. Another way to try to under- stand why women stay in abusive relationships is to look at the Cycle of Violence. Tension Building Phase - It may start out with minor batter- ing incidents and usually psycho- logical abuse by the male. The woman usually tries to avoid con- flict by yielding to his demands. The man may increase or con- stantly change his demands so as to set her up for being wrong. During this stage the tension increases and becomes unbear- able when she is unable to keep up with his demands or fails to keep peace in the house, then fol- lows... The Acute Battering Incident - The male is out of self control and cxcercises his control over his mate. He could start battering her at any give time even if she were aslecp. After he has assault- ed her he frequently feels calm and rclicved as if he has gotten it out of his system. The woman may be wounded physically, in shock, scarcd, ashamed that this is happening to her. The Huncymoon Phase - Now the man is sorry that his mate is hurt. He can be very kind and affectionate, promising that "it will never happen again". He may say that he will get coun- selling. He will probably not take responsibility by blaming his out- burst on excessive job pressures, being drunk, having lost his tem- per. He may romance her by buy- ing her flowers, gifts, etc. Forty percent of reported first assaults occur during a woman's first pregnancy. This is a time when a woman needs most to take care of her mind and body so she can produce a healthy child. Unfortunately, if a man is very possessive and jealous he can not stand for her to take any attention away from him regardless of the reason. At this time she may not be financially able to leave him especially since she knows she will have a child to support soon and may not have the job oppor- tunities or education to do so. There are many reasons why a woman would stay in an abusive relationship. She may not want to separate her children from their father. She may be afraid of what other people will say about her leaving or how they will treat her or her children. She may believe in marriage as a Forever Contract, regardless of the fact that he has broken his part of the contract by his atrocious treatment of her. She may not know that there are women's shelters available to her. She may. be afraid to Icave because he has threatened to kill her if she does (and it happens). She may begin to believe him when he says it is her fault that he beats her. She may believe that if he changes, he will stop the abuse. Shc may think she is the only woman beaten by her part- ner. She may be afraid of being alone or that no one else will cver want her. She may have no access to money even if he has financial assets. She may love the man he is when he is not \ io- lent or she may remember hin as he was before he became abusive. Women are not masochists! They do not like to be, ask to be, or provoke to be abuscd. Through guidance a woman van Icarn how to rebuild her sclf- csteem-and not be a victim. If you are a battered woman, please call either 1-800-465-3307 or 824-3380 or write to: Outreach Program Northshore Family Resource Centre P.O. Box 640 Schreiber, Ont POT 2S0 There is also hope of change, for the man who chooses to batter his mate, by calling First Step at 229-0607 or 623-2218. By Felicity Munn of the Yanadian Press There is no such thing as a free vacation, say experts. If a promotional postcard offering one arrives, the safest ihing to do is throw it out. Fraud experts say thousands of people are duped each year by scams offering what appear to be remarkable deals on "exciting" and "luxurious" package vaca- tions to Florida and elsewhere. But the vacations are far from free. And the experts say even those people who pay for the get- aways by providing a credit card number over the phone usually don't get anywhere. There are so many delays, conditions, restrictions and extra continued on page 12 A Tribute & Thanks Early morning Jan. 1, 1990 my wife, Josephine, in McCausland Hospital suffered heart failure. Dr. Geran and on duty personne] staff acted with the stuff of which heroes and heroines are made. In a matter of minutes with Dr. Geran as a constant efficient attendant, Jos. was enroute via Helicopter Medic Vac to Port Arthur General Hospital Cardiac Unit. There under the specialized care of Dr. Szeto and the staff Jos. made a very reasonable recovery. Thanks to all for this superdedicated medical attention. We give thanks to all of those who sent Get Well Wishes, floral arrangements, tele calls and food. To home Care Nurses, Barb and Sharon and homemaker, Donna, we-give thanks for their care. Your prayers and all above are much appreciated. May God Bless You for them. Ray Kenney and Family, Vince, Dan, Joe, Ed & Colleen. On the night of the car accident, Bruce was not expected to live. For- lottery profits are used. Lottery profits help hospitals. Helping hospitals is just one way This is how Lottery funds are .. working for you in your area. tunately, a specially equipped and staffed trauma unit was ready and standing by at a nearby hospital. This special facility helped Bruce beat the odds and he has returned to work. Lottery profits are also used to provide grants in other areas such as helping people with disabilities. They also help fund sports and recreation, arts and culture, and province-wide charitiés. Ontario Lottery Corporation Together we're making good things happen. James Bay General Hospital, Thunder Ray National Exhibit Centre, Thunder Bay Berea ed Families of Ontario, Suuth Porcupine Ear ¢ alls Community Hall, Moosonee Ear Falls wie 7 Provincial