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Page 4, Terrace Bay-Schreiber News, Wednesday, October 17, 1984 The Terrace Bay-Schreiber News is published every Wednesday by: rors" MEWS MANAGING EDITOR..............002000ee++2222+++ Lynne Badger BPHE ADVERTISING SALES. ............02000eeeeeeee2++++ Vivian Ludington ADVERTISING SALES................-.0:e00+ sesefeee Sandy Scollard Gu PRODUCTION MANAGER. .........:-2+2+sc+0eeeese0ee+e++Mary Melo Laurentian Publishing Co. Ltd., Box 579, Terrace Bay, Ontario. POT 2W0. Cc) Telephone: (807) 825-3747. : a The Last Word ; by LYNNE BADGER Intercity Mall'in Thunder Bay is proud to present the 1984 Cabbage Patch Kids Beauty Pageant: Step aside Miss Thunder Bay. You are being replaced by-an in- animate, stuffed clone. The organizers covered everything from swimwear and sportswear to formal wear. Cabbage Patch dolls are not particularly beautiful so perhaps this is an opportunity for talented seamstresses to demonstrate their skills. Wait. There is a talent seg- ment. Thatis the portion of a production which transforms a "beauty contest" into a "pageant". The winner chosen is usually an all-round, talented, pleasant, attrac- tive individual who best represents her peers. Intercity Mall is assuming that these mass-produced, inanimate objects are capable of possessing some sort of talent, which incidently will be judged on originality, execution and showmanship. There are four such clones at my house and they can't even sit up by themselves without being propped up. They do not dance or sing when music is played and as far as acting goes, they need a child to do their lines. In my wildest imagination I cannot conceive how they are going to handle the talent segment. It might be worth a drive to Thunder Bay to photograph the winner. kk kk Remember the "peace movement" in the sixties? Even if you are too young to remember, perhaps you have seen films portraying the promoters of peace as "long- haired hippy-type weirdos" demonstrating in parks and on University Campuses. Anchor Beauty? Talent?! For some reason it was considered a radical thing to be in favour of universal peace, brotherhood and love. Fortunately it is not anymore. The threat of nuclear war is very real and people of all ages and lifestyles are concerned and saying so. When the Peace Petition Caravan came to Schreiber, I was half-expecting the same hippy-types who have since become "earthy" and are a little older, with families. To my delight there was a young woman, probably recently out of school, a woman who may possibly have taken part in demonstrations in her youth though it was not evident in her manner of dress, and some others who may qualify as senior citizens though I did not ask their ages. y They were warm friendly folks just like the ones around here and they were even dressed like us! I felt a little silly for expecting otherwise but isn't it wonderful that it is no longer a radical thing to support universal peace, brotherhood and love. kkk I am asking the co-operation of all citizens of Terrace Bay who can dial a telephone regarding dogs at large. There have not been many recently and owners are to be - commended for that, however, a little boy was badly bitten on the leg last week. If someone had called the dog control officer and informed him that the dog was loose, it may have been tied and unable to bite the boy. ; If you see a dog at large, report it. It may not be bothering you now, but don't give it a chance to bite someone else. The grave is but a beginning woes geteenclnes Geifucoentananat East iaeen a tie verse gathered tombstones, mainly in - all anonymous. Thi will show, I hope, that death is not to be Noes This spot is the sweetest I have seen in my life, ' For it raises my flowers, And covers my wife er On Uncle Peter Dan'els Beneath this | of stone, a lump of clay, Lies Uncle Peter Dan'els, _lam going to do nothing for ever and ever." . Note t 5 $ We wouldn't have been in these here vaults. : On a tired housewife Here lies a poor woman who was always tired, She lived in a house where help wasn't hired. Her last words on earth were: "Dear friends, I am going - To where there's no cooking, or washing, or sewing. For everything there is exact to my wishes For where they don't eat, there's no washing of dishes. I'll be where loud anthems will always be ringing But having no voice I'll be quit of the singing. Don't mourn for me now, don't mourn for me never, Now perhaps we can greet the day with a smile? For the grave is but a beginning - a transition. Psalms 49:15. "But God will redeem my soul from the power of the grave: for He shall receive me." te: Meetings of the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day will be held in Mani , White River and Hornepayne as weil as Terrace Bay. Please call to verify the meeting place each week. Arthur Black Last week, this space was filled with musings about anniversaries -- specifically, one anniversary shared by two living legends: Sophia Loren . and Brigitte Bardot. Late last month they both turned 50 -- Sophia with her characteristic style and grace; Brigitte ... less so. Well, it slipped right by me, but there was another golden jubilee celebration worthy of note last week. Guess what else turns fifty this year? Muzak, that's what. Yup. It was, believe it or not, "way back in 1934 that a gaggle of Cleveland businessmen put together. a plan to provide piped-in music for restaurants and hotels. Background music. They decided to call it Muzak. For reasons that/have never been fully explained to my satisfaction, Muzak caught on. Today, 80 million people hear Muzak every day. They hear it in elevators and department stores. They hear it on factory shop floors and while they're waiting to have root canal surgery. Heck, some farmers pipe Muzak into their chicken coops. They claim hens lay better with Muzak. Maybe so. But does Muzak have to be so ... well ... muzacky? Must it be so blah and tasteless and dull and insipid and devoid of anything resembling life? Yup, it must. That's what makes Muzak work, according to the peo- ple who produce it. They say Muzak is not supposed to be entertaining. 'It's purpose is to 'increase productivity in the workplace." : : And damned if it doesn't do just Muzak lives on that. Not cheaply, mind you. It costs about $4,000 dollars for installation and $200 a month to "Muzak" one floor of an average big-city office building. Thenceforth the working days of everybody on that floor will be seamlessly segmented into 14 minute chunks of breezy, vaguely familiar, can't-quite-place-the-tune- but-it-sure-is-inoffensive ... noise. Every fifteenth minute is devoted to silence. Then it starts all over again. Does anybody (aside from battery farmers, cost efficiency experts and Muzak stockholders) actually like the stuff? You betcha. Ninety percent of the audience love it, if the corporation's surveys are to be believed. Artist An- dy Warhol is an unabashed fan. '"'My favourite kind of music" he burbles. Ex-U.S. President Johnson liked the stuff so much he had speakers nailed to the trees around the LBJ Ranch. Muzak has even been out of this world. Guess what the Apollo astronauts had to listen to between in- structions from Houston Control? Oh yes, it's everywhere. They play Muzak in The White House. You can even hear syrupy gobbets of the stuff oozing down the corridors of The Pentagon. I have this recurring nightmare. It's.the Day After President Reagan has mistaken the "FIRE" button for a black jellybean and inddvertently started The War. The missiles have flown. Washington has been reduc- ed to a smoking ruin of rubble and debris. The whole city is silent ex- cept for the occasional explosion of oil drums and gasoline tanks, the trickle of water from burst water mains and the moan of .the wind through the tangle of downed wires. And one other sound. It's coming from ... over there. From that huge, fortress-like ruin. It can't be! Yes, it is. Ferrante and Teicher.